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Belching

My teacher bellows when I err.
My grandfather shouts at my faltered treading.
"You deny the past, the convention.
You are arrogant"
Grandpa may be right, the teacher too!
The teacher calls me "Coon!"
I was ugly.  So he pinches my ears.
He twists my fingers.
"Wrong again"  He shouts.
Yet I am inclined to think differently.
Every deviant act of mine invites a shout.
"You reprobate!"
I cannot understand my follies.
"Mother, what is wrong with me?"
Accusations, accusations! What could be wrong?"
She calmed me.
"Nothing my son.  You choose the right path.
Towards freedom. Towards greatness.
The untrodden path, the golden.
Repetition of the rotten is belching.
Don't do it.  Imbibe novelty."
— U K Atiyodi, Mar 14, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: IND

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Critiques

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

16 years 2 months ago

Hello U.K.

I like this poem of yours. I think the title is good, your language use also, and the rhythm of the poem is great. I like the theme very much as well, and the ending of the poem is awesome, an excellent message. The only thing wrong is the line "She calmed me." Given the fact that the rest of the poem is in present tense, I think that this line should also be in present tense. Good poem, keep writing! Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
UA

U K Atiyodi

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jim

Thank you for the correction. Perhaps there is a lacunae in the thoughts of people who live in different places So this is a cultural exchange.