Lonnie

Mar 10, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Nocturnal Admission

Slim-hipped nymphs with eager eyes
scamper through my dreams
causing me to eulogize their charm
like phosphorescent butterfiles
fluttering in streams
of timelessness without the least alarm

Wyverns soar on emerald wings
above a misty plain
playing tag with unicorns below
centaurs drink from crystal springs
filled by vibrant rain
sharing stories only they would know

Elves and pixies romp and dance
around an ancient stone
chanting words of magical delight
giving mortal men a chance
to properly atone
for their disbelief and make it right

I stand amazed by what I see
and offer up a prayer
to Gods that died too soon before their time
saving other fools like me
who venture unaware
into verses never meant to rhyme

C. Lon R. Bruso

— Lonnie, Mar 10, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New England, originally, now, Macon, N.C., USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, Bob Dylan

Critiques

Saiko-Johnny

16 years 3 months ago

Great Classic!

Great classic poetry in the best sense of the word! 5 and spot... Cheers, John.

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks, John!

This one wasn't quite what I'd hoped for, but I guess that's going to happen every so often! Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you Indi !!

I am happy you came by to read, comment, and hopefully, enjoy!

panaella

16 years 3 months ago

eulogise

Hi Lonnie, Any poem that has eulogise(note British spelling)...is ok with me! I like your use of extended figurative language...mythical creatures. However, your theme is what?...that you are having to atone to these creatures for using free verse?...lol Ells x

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Who knows, could be!

Anyways, thank you for coming by to read and comment! I'm not entirely sure about this one myself!

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Lonnie

Smiles I thought this one was different from your usual .... I loved it love and hugs to you both Jayne-Chloe

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks, Jayne!

I'm glad you liked it, and always happy when you stop by to read and comment on one of my poems!

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

Yeh I love it too. Really

Yeh I love it too. Really felt this one. It enticed me into a magical world of myth and fantasy. Great stuff Lonnie. Rosina xena465

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you, Rosina!

I almost didn't post this one, because it seemed a bit vague, even to me! However, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it!

Kailashana

16 years 3 months ago

I don’t think you can

I don't think you can write a poem that wasn't perfect in its own unique way. This one is just another example. ~A "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." ~ Paul Valery

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you!

I always appreciate your feedback and the fact that you stop by to read and comment! Thanks again!

Candlewitch

16 years 3 months ago

Hello Lonnie

A veritable feast of fantasy. I gobbled it right down! Always, Cat

Lonnie

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you, dear Lady!

I love writing things like this as it makes me feel relatively young again! Also, I just adore fantasy themes anyway! Thanks for stopping by to read!

loved

16 years 2 months ago

MY VIEWS

Glad I read your poem By a stroke of error That’s my admission You were writing about nocturnal I thought otherwise But I am glad I read you And learnt from others’ comments That you’re the best Would you mind the comments? From a non- poet That’s me? Though called by all As loved Forgive me for the error If it be. Loved

loved

16 years 2 months ago

Glad I read your poemBy a

Lonnie

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you very much!

I'm very glad you did stop by and I hope you do so again! I guess the title may have been a little confusing on this one, but to me, it seemed to fit! Glad you enjoyed the poem!

loved

16 years 1 month ago

spot light

glad this site discovers the worth of the true poet and does spot light the ones who deserve it perhaps some day waiting in the queue i shall also be spot lighted like you hope my prediction comes true... LOVED BY ONE AND ALL

Rett

16 years 2 months ago

Well done Lonnie

What did you think of my title? Excellent title. What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing? I love the rhyme scheme you put into this. Well done indeed. The rhythm was good and I like the dissonant line. How was the beginning/ending of the poem? It started wonderfully and ended with a neat little twist I really enjoyed. Respectfully, Rett: “Anyone who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither.” Benjamin Franklin

Lonnie

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Rett!

I'm glad you stopped by to read this and offer a good critique! Hope your book is selling well!

lyz

16 years 2 months ago

Stunning

You do have a way with words and I really enjoyed these. Wonderful. Love to you and yours. Lyz. XX

Lonnie

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you, Lyz!

I'm a bit surprised that this one is getting so much attention, but I am grateful, none the less!

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Congrates on the spotlight

Congrates on the spotlight Lonnie ... this one appealed to me very much the fantasy side has always been my love have tried to put it aside to grow in other areas of poetry but you make me want to write one lol love Jayne-Chloe

Lonnie

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Jayne!

I guess I must have missed it being in Spotlight, probably was only there for a mili-second or two! But, hey, what's Spotlight anyway, right?

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

Why has nobody overtly acknowledged the wicked pun in the title?

Sure got a laugh from me. The title should have been a warning, but then you carried me away till the last verse. Overtones of one of my all time favourite poems, "Jane" by John Masefield. http://www.neopoet.com/node/2647 Never meant to rhyme? Of course it was, could not have been any other way. And could have been a nasty piece of tripe without your superlative wordcrafting, even with the title and afterthought. the only line that bothers me, craft-wise is- to Gods that died too soon before their time a bit redundant? Surely- to Gods that died before their time would do the job? in fact that whole last verse, in my opinion, needs a more solid idea to make this work in its complexity. Enjoyed it nonetheless Cheers mate, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

Lonnie

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks, Jess!

I kinda figured it would be you, if anybody, that caught the pun in the Title! You could very well be right about the last verse needing some tweaking and I may try that sometime! Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

Lol. We were waiting for

Lol. We were waiting for you to, Jess. Love your critique, however. I promise I'm going to be a little more of an artful dodger. ;-) ~A p.s. WHy do ya think we were drawn? Silly boy. "To love another person is to see the face of God." Les Miserables

Electric Blue

16 years 1 month ago

Nocturnal

Lonnie Lonnie you peeping Tom I just love this vision of delight Elves and Pixies maybe on a Friday night Spying on me as I dance an fly Enjoying my flight with the butterflies. On unicorns white we drink from crystal streams. Maybe you missed me as I have Electric Blue Wings when I took flight. Maybe it was emerald in the moonlight. Just love this such images appear of elves and pixies with angel wings Singing and dancing in fairy rings around the ancient stone Only visible under a changeling moon you were able to see Such a vision as me. Ha! Love it Electric Blue

Beauregard

16 years 1 month ago

phosphorescent butterfiles and wyverns:

it's a good combo. I've never noticed that you select "I appreciate moderate constructive criticism" until just now. I don't know what I've been tripping on for so long! LOL Other than the line that Jess mentioned, my only issue with this poem is on the line "for their disbelief and make it right". I'm not sure if you meant 'to make it right' or if I'm reading it incorrectly or what, it just sounds 'off' to me. I've come to expect no less than spell-binding from you, Bud, and you always deliver! :) Kelsey