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Ink Dragon

Mar 05, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Delivered at dawn

The moon watches her coming undone tonight

Pain explodes in her back
She moves with gritted teeth

A trickle down her leg announces renewed ache

She fights sleep
walks the wounded duck walk
for hours

draws laboured breaths

stumbles
retches

And shuffles on

Loneliness has never been so cruel

The dawn observes her
squatting down
red in the face

as she heaves
pushes
fights

A mother is born

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M

16 years 2 months ago

Is it a mother is born or a child is born?

Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

I

16 years 2 months ago

Both, Mona,

the day the first child is born is a major turning point for a woman. She becomes "mother". Too obscure? Yours, ~Nina

M

16 years 2 months ago

No I got it now

How about the title maybe A labor of Love or how about Child's Birthrights or how about Mother's Pain of Life or how about Laboring Love Just a few suggests here as I read this one out loud and felt the pains all over again. lol she is outside the moons light shadows her and she struggles to gibe birth to her newborn on her own. Just poetically speaking, Great one here Nina Love In Friendship Mona xoxoxoxo Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

I

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you, Mona,

I am really desperate for a better title. I tried birth, pain and every combination of the two I could think of, but somehow they didn't feel right. But "life" is spot on, odd, it never crossed my mind till you mentioned it. Hmm... Labouring for life, or something along these lines might be a possibility. Sending you some chocolate cookies, as I heard a rumour you've run out of them ;) Yours, ~Nina

M

16 years 2 months ago

lol yesh I did

NOW THAT RUMOR IS RIGHT ON SPOT'''''' LOL Yes I wrote a poem about my coffee this morning and at the end there where no more cookies as you know I havent been eating too much all week due to sickness..on the mend on the mend just waiting for the Cookie Man to Deliver me the tray. How about Cometh A Labor of Love or Labor of Love is Here. feel it out more and it will come to you, read the poem out loud as if you are reading it in front of an audience and maybe click the title will come to you, xoxoxo Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

Love’s labour, Love’s

Love's labour, Love's cost (?) I remember my first lover (for whom I wrote poetry) told me how lucky I was. He said I'll never be ordinary, I'll always be a mother. One of the reasons I loved him. Extraordinary poem...Nina. ~A "If parents really would love their children there would no longer be any war." J. Krishnamurti

I

16 years 2 months ago

Love's labour's lost

isn't that a play by old Will? Thanks, Anna. Yours, ~Nina

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

Yeah, so? lol.Isn’t

Yeah, so? lol. Isn't birthing pain amazing? I had both my children without benefit of drugs, though I was blessed with easy, fast labour, it still was incredibly painful... but it's the type of pain you can't remember. It's as though it doesn't stay in the body to be remembered. Love, Anna "If parents really would love their children there would no longer be any war." J. Krishnamurti

I

16 years 2 months ago

It is amazing, Anna,

and with our brains flooded with all kinds of hormones, who needs painkillers, eh? The body has its own memories... it's called muscular memory or something like that. Apparently, your muscles are able to "remember" a certain movement, and pain too. The human body is a marvel. Yours, ~Nina

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

I have many sports-type

I have many sports-type injuries that are remembered in pain esp. now that I'm a senior (yuk). Once in awhile I feel root canals, almost 33 years later, the episiotomy (without benefit of pain killers--bastard doctor! lol) but nowhere is it in my body or mind to remember the birthing pains. That's how women are genetically programmed to keep on having kids. Now, if it were men.... ;-) ~A "If parents really would love their children there would no longer be any war." J. Krishnamurti

A

anonymous1

16 years 2 months ago

March 5, 1983

This is my story, 27 years ago, when I became a mother. That heaving, pushing, fighting is a mother's life-long story. I wonder if that would make a good title: "Lifelong." I loved reading this, today of all days. Thank you, Lisa

I

16 years 2 months ago

You're welcome, Lisa,

and I thank you for the title suggestion. I am more and more convinced that life ought to be part of the title. And you're right, mothering is not a state or stage, it's a neverending process. Yours, ~Nina

16 years 2 months ago

:O That DAWN IS A PERVERT!

:O That DAWN IS A PERVERT! Hahahahaha, great write Nina :)

I

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Alex,

in real life, there are usually at least two people who watch, so I guess my protagoniste got lucky that it was only the dawn. Yours, ~Nina

16 years 2 months ago

Yes, but those people are

Yes, but those people are welcomed, the moon did not invite the dawn to watch her!!! Haha or did she?

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Nina

The agonies of becoming a mother fucking brilliant it is,and i would suggest not touching it too much ... brilliant poem love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe

I

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jayne,

thank you. What else can I say when I get a comment like that? ~bow~ love&hugs Yours, ~Nina

16 years 2 months ago

This is one of your best poems Nina

and you can really feel the pain you are trying to convey. There were just a couple of lines I felt you might consider revisiting: "A trickle down her leg announces a renewal of ache" I think it would have to be "a renewal of aching" but how about changing it around and having "announces renewed aching"? to avoid the repetition of "walks" perhaps the second one could be "and stumbles on" or may be shuffles? As for a title why not just call it "Moon child"? Best wishes and hugs Keith

I

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Keith,

I'm chuffed that you think this is one of my best writes. One never knows... I am definitely going to ponder the many "walks", thanks for your suggestions. As for "Moon Child", it sounds nice enough, but there's a song by Shakespeare's Sister that immediately starts playing in my head when I read these words, so I don't think I'll use them here. Yours, ~Nina

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Nina,

OK, I had not realised that. So how about simply "A new moon" or if you want to be more classical "Theia's moon". "Theia" was supposed to be the mother of the moon goddess "Selene". My best wishes Keith

16 years 2 months ago

lifeblood ….dont ask me

lifeblood .... dont ask me why but it hit me when I saw your comment lol love and hugs Jayne-Chloe

I

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you, Jayne and Keith,

for racking your brains. Mine is wrecked, obviously, as I cannot find "the" title. Will have to wait till the muse strikes again... Yours, ~Nina

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

How about, “A Mother is

How about, "A Mother is Born". In appreciation, Anna "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." ~ Paul Valery

I

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Anna,

"A mother is born" was, actually, my working title on this one, but I felt it gave too much away and dismissed it - prematurely perhaps... Thank you. Yours, ~Nina

kaligantsaros

16 years 2 months ago

The title ..

The title is a weak Nina ..it's just commonplace everyday and suggests some sort of trade union meeting. The poem is however a new twist on the baby tada! theme and the fact that actually a mother is born is overlooked so yes for me original and well written. being a man i can't comment on the pain, the testing physical demands or the sense of loneliness but I watched my wife give birth and this sounds straightforward and uncomplicated compared to what might happen which prompts the question ; Is it enough? kal

I

16 years 2 months ago

That frigging title!

I know it's weak, Theo, but can't find "the" title. I think the poem itself is "enough" though, as my goal was not to present a complicated childbirth, but rather how a woman changes through "ordinary" labour. Any title suggestions? Yours, ~Nina

kaligantsaros

16 years 2 months ago

Absolutely Understood...

Too corny for birth of a mother but the process of birth and the transformation is surely an inroad into finding a title. I can't hold back some more corniness like Girl to a Woman because that too is weak but funny..ie Boys to Men. hmm Muttimorphosis ? lol Kal

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

I keep wanting to add:

I keep wanting to add: part...ing is such sweet sorrow. Lol. ~A "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." ~ Paul Valery

I

16 years 2 months ago

How about

Life part... the part of her life... live parts? What do you think, Anna? All? Yours, ~Nina

M

16 years 2 months ago

I dont think so Nina

But it is your poem to title, If you ponder on it too long you will loose it. Maybe leave it as you had it perhaps? That was good Part just seems so vauqe maybe I dont know it should come to you easy as I see your still stuck on the title. Mother's Anquish..lol love magics02 xoxoxo Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

16 years 2 months ago

Parting veils of life ….

Parting veils of life .... just another thought for the pot Nina ... I am still watching this one lol love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe

16 years 2 months ago

Can't say that I am that struck by Part as a title

Nina. If you want to use the latin root then I guess it should be "partum". Personally I would still like to see the moon in the title since it figures so strongly. If you want to mix the moon with pregnancy/birth then perhaps "Gravid moon" or "Under a gravid moon". Anyway I am sure you will find something that you like soon lol. By the way, since it is one of the areas I work on (including with my German colleagues), we think that the reason women forget childbirth is that the hormone "oxytocin" which stimulates labour when released into the blood is also released in the brain during birth and has been shown to aid forgetting of aversive experiences while improving memory for positive social ones. We have just shown that it increases empathy in men as well so who knows what such knowledge might end up changing in terms of making men more attractive to women lol. My best wishes Keith

I

16 years 2 months ago

Thank you all, Keith, Jayne, Mona,

as you can see, I've tried yet another title. I think I will let this one lie for a couple of days before trying again... Yours, ~Nina

M

16 years 2 months ago

Nina I like this one

Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

“Delivered at

"Delivered at dawn"....you just know when the title is perfect. Just like the moment you knew you were pregnant with his seed. Good work, Nina! ~A "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." ~ Paul Valery

I

16 years 2 months ago

Oh, Anna,

it's still not "there", I'm afraid. I may change it again... But it's good to know that you found this title pleasing. Another idea surfaces right now: Moon phases (?) I've never struggled so much with a title... Yours, ~Nina

16 years 2 months ago

"Torn again"

possible title. Part of what this is about is one of the many times we re-invent or are re-invented. the rest, lost in translation, men just don't get it. It's why we try too hard. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

I

16 years 2 months ago

Jess, you got it!

It's about transformation, a walk through a dark valley (to allude to the bible) and a reemergence in new light. Tearing tissue might also qualify as a title, or something like New Skin, possibly... I guess I will have to wrestle the title a little more. Yours, ~Nina

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Nina

The poem is brilliant and a complete surprise at the end when all is made clear. I actually LIKE your title. The only thing I can offer is: Moment Of Metamorphosis.But I still like your title better. Love, Cat

I

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Cat,

thank you for your suggestion. Theo suggested (jokingly) muttimorphosis. Hmmm... Morph? Still struggling... Yours, ~Nina