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J
jim

I saw you

I saw you
from across the bar.
This dark and smokey room.

Your smile
lit up your face
and with it
the whole room.

Like someone turned
the light on.
In this dark
and smokey room.

I watched you dance
and float
and prance.

My eyes were
stuck on you.

You looked just
like an angel.
With your
eyes of blue.
— jim, Mar 09, 2010

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Critiques

J

jim

16 years 3 months ago

thanks Evie

I wasnt sure about this one. Its different from the other poems i've put on here. thanks for the comment im glad you liked it. jim
M

magics02

16 years 3 months ago

Great one!!

Very nice write Jim but my eyes are brown. LOL jsut kiddin really a nice little prse poem? I like it alot. magics02 Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
H

Harvey

16 years 3 months ago

Nice

Some people do 'light up the room' when they smile and, while they're at it, they inspire poets. Looks like this one was a knockout! P.S., Check your spelling in the last stanza.
J

jim

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you

thanks for your comment,an yes some people can light up the room. Im glad u liked it. Jim
Seren

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Jim

I really liked your angle/angel lol ;) she sure lit up my night beautifully done kind regards Jayne-Chloe
J

jim

16 years 3 months ago

thanks

Thanks for your comment. Im glad u liked it. My spelling is crap even the spell check didnt pick that one up. Thanks again jim
jetz

jetz

16 years 3 months ago

I really like this one too

I really like this one too Jim. I am bothered a little though by the first three stanzas all ending in "room." It disturbs the whole flow, to me. Not sure how you could, or should change it. Just thought I'd offer up my opinion, for what it's worth. Sue
J

jim

16 years 3 months ago

hi sue

Your opinion means a lot to me but i dont think theres much room for change with this one. Thanks for taking the time to comment. jim
B

BrightEyed

16 years 3 months ago

:)

i like this poem. and i like ur style. beautiful work. great job. -ur friend, bright eyed
S

Silent_Rain

16 years 2 months ago

AWW!!!

Great poem! Great theme! Loved the flow! ~Rain~ There's always a rainbow after the rain...