sliding up

For me there's always something dazzling in even the harsh, sorrow, empty angles of the truth. This write makes me feel that......see pictures of greys, cold hard floors, single thread light bulb light... "this is our skipping stone to our familiar, our one night stand shaded in lonely" This is a perfect bridge between the beginning and the finishing thoughts. I love the style and presentation, the description of this piece and it fits well with other works of yours I've read. Highly successful write for this reader. Nathaniel

I adore this poem. For every reason Nathaniel elucidated. And just because. And just because the wonderful metaphors grab me and shake me, undress me into the starkness of your poem. ~A p.s. *shed* is enough, no *ed* is necessary. "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." ~ Paul Valery

How to convey that this is the most crucial daring peice of poetry I've read in a few weeks if not year Im not even going to re read it but savour its feel its after worth exciting my mind still and soul there is a great maturity eye feel and working of this its so very much that I even miss the story and thats what I greatly enjoy about any tell any read You are one damned great writer! Esker~

Ann of Norway "I think of the years that i spent whispering to this persistent metronome" I love this, we are allowed to revel in the nuances of thought that surround the act. And as Anna says you undress us, all is revealed and blatantly diffused. The movements the textures, the dashing dangers, wonderful stuff. It has it all, and humour too. Do some people REALLY keep them? Yours with love Ann

You have a way of taking an everyday situation and tantalise us with the obscure view you have on things. This poem delights me with its blatant honesty. Its unblinking normality and yet and yet a story within and a way of leaving us all with a question. I love it and the title is just perfect. Seabhac

loved the limpid feeling of this, the mix of romance and nitty gritty is beautifully handled,

Beautifully done ... you have found a voice ... wonderful poem big smiles Jayne-Chloe

Yes this is really good, witty and flows through to the end...WELL DONE. Rosina xena465

Each stanza a word picture with a vivid result -- bravo on the completed portriate.

favourite poets? Atticus/Nathaniel said it well of the poem, and Kali. I have one serious crit. The line making no promises has an un-necessary space at the start. 8) Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

This is such a poignant write and full of both pathos and understatement. It fully deserves to be in the spotlight and is obviously deeply personal. For me I just felt that the last section could be improved a little structurally and in its emphasis and flow...and especially the last two lines where I was expecting a little more punch. The repeated I in the first two lines also felt unnecessary. Shuffling a pant leg up the length my calf I contemplate the shell of that dry balloon, the newly shed skin, of our coupling's last division, tuck it into my side pocket (perhaps sleeve rather than side pocket?) without telling. An obscure souveneir to be stored in shared deflation with the same empty hope from the last time you left. Hope you don't mind the suggestions. with my best wishes Keith

Ann of Norway Cinderella, out of the ashes rises the phoenix of modern society a rubber thingy that cloaks our shame and distorts the perfumes of our experiences, and changes the secrecy of the act of love into an industrial market discussion. And yet because of it, the art of love-making has become far deeper and more meaningful at the same time as something one feels disgust at. All is a natural occurrence and the feelings and sensations arising from it are also as natural as the eating of our daily bread, or the smelling of the perfume of the rose (to use a cliché flower!!)

I'll take mine without sugar please! This is a superb write that required re-visiting more than once. To dwell on the remnants, the souvenirs of couplings is indeed a sad reflection on the encounters of modern 'woman/man'. A very powerful piece without being maudlin or contrite! well done and a well deserved SPOTLIGHT Bonita j

the strongest point of your poetry - to me - is the feeling that you often share a very intimate moment with us, as you have done here. I think as long as you keep making new experiences, or observing those of others, your writing will never be boring. I would like to leave a couple of suggestions (mostly spelling), but do not want to intrude, seeing as you clicked "do not critique harshly". Let me know if you want to hear them, ok? Yours, ~Nina

Dear W., Sweet satisfaction turned to bitter sweet distraction. Now that really is top of the shelf. Bravo. P.

Whitetea ... congrates on spotlight you seriously deserve it with this piece you have taken whats private personal and turned it into art ... something thats not easy ... dont ask me why but this feels different to your other writes ... always have been a brilliant poetess but this is on a whole different level in my opinion just wanted you to know how freaking awesome this is love Jayne-Chloe x x

This is a very good poem and has nearness to greatness. The theme is terrific. I love the collection. This collection, by a woman, is very sexy in large part due to the huge symbolism attached to sperm. Men don't talk about it very much, but they tend to notice the tenor of the sperm cleaning done by their partners. It is a symbol not only of them, but, because of reproduction realities, of their genetic existence. If the partner treats the sperm as "yuk, guk" it is often secretly offensive to the male. So the building of a shrine of sorts is both unusual, meaning "non-boring", is sometime covered by the semi-unflattering "kinky" and ultimately a kind of respect which, while men might again be shy to admit it, would be quite attractive to them, notionally. So you have hit a very deep nerve. And because it is a semi-secret nerve, it gives the whole poem weight. I also love the line, "Who admits this?", which sounds like an admission of weirdness but is actually a statement of pride in distinctness. And I am very fond of such juxtapositions. The last two lines, admitting the building of a shrine, are zingers - great stuff. There is an awkward transition from "years" and "habit" to "one night stand". It is a puzzle and therefore interupts the reader's eye from moving on. And there are a few simple technical things: I shuffle a pant leg up the length my calf (are you calling the loved one "my calf" or is there a missing "of") I look at the shell of that dry balloon, your newly shed skin, our last division, tucked it into my side pocket ("tucked" shifts the tense in this stanza from present to past. Consider, "tuck") without telling, as an obscure souveneir (One less "e" in souvenir) (who admits this?) Wonderful work. Brian

May this be your prime voice and on occasion let it be heard. I like all your voices very much.. Truly, Mark FlexAbilities

Your imagery made me wince...felt like I was a voyeur. Dazzlingly sharp. Really like your work. Ells x

The Quote introduced this well. The length is critical to the deliverance, each stanza carrying the next. Raw, honest, without gratituity. In ink, Dabbler

i rarely drink more than two cups of sweet tea now i shall have white tea daily u deserve the spot light with ur white tea i am really sure its lovely loved