The Regulators (Warning: not for everyone)

my friend you had your claws out writting this one i like that this has no line breaks reads well to me that way , the theme which may or may not give some interesting comments which i look farward too as i agree with you on this as you have said to me before , a brave write, and my nom for fav lines are " moving on to the next victim , as smoothly spun as butter , to put their prattle under the microscope " with diagnostic reasoning , brill cat those last two line are fab vey strong ,,,,ziggy

I felt the feel of this very poem and knew just what it was you were saying. It is a good read many should read it. I like it. Love Magics02 xoxoxo Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.

Serendipity is at work lol just read Jonathans blog and left a comment and found this ... beautifully done dear one ... Smiles love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

My dearest friend. They just keep getting better and better, I have nothing to add, correct, or suggest for this one P.S Yes I did get the book and plan to read it on some dark rainy night lol Thank you for the gift love ya Chrys

Wow! I love this! Well done! I'm just gonna go and read it again! Joel x

Brilliant Cat. Like Ziggy said, it flowed over just right without breaks. More stars for you dear lady **************************** Rosina xena465

I never find fault in your work, just a pleasure. I found this very well written and it flowed from my tongue quite nicely as well. Bravo. Love Lyz. XX

your anger and disgust at these 'alien doppelgangers readying to foul the fallow ground of idle minds in waiting' is vivid in ths poem. love to you judy xxx

Cat, Firstly, I enjoyed the message in this piece. Not only do I believe it is accurate but I share your conclusion that it is dangerous. I did have some suggestions, mostly word substitutions and the like. These are [bracketed] and are suggested to further the image I took from the poem. Additionally, I will explain below via line number my thoughts behind the suggestions. As always, you are free to use any, all, or none of my suggestions. --------------------------------------------- The Regulators 01 At first evidence of dusk 02 They begin their stirring 03 [peering] out from rocky caves 04 serpent-like they slither 05 [oozing] forth to stand 06 assuming pleasing human form 07 [passing] amongst us 08 [assuming] the appearance 09 of the average person 10 blending with humanity 11 [these] alien doppelgangers 12 [aching] to foul 13 the fallow ground 14 of idle minds in waiting 15 Whispering thoughts 16 Creeping and slinking 17 seeping into our [souls] 18 [formulating] numbing acceptance 19 [of] anything we are told [is]“truth” 20 [preventing] us from questioning 21 with charismatic smiles 22 Moving on to the next victim 23 As smoothly as spun butter 24 [Gathering] us in single file 25 Lambs to the slaughter 26 As [we blissfully queue] for the ride 27 [The only] recourse is to open our minds 28 And question all we are told 29 [employing our] gift [our] natural intellect 30 To [place] their prattle 31 under sweet logic’s microscope 32 [and] rail against 33 [their empty, corrosive] nonsense 34 With diagnostic reasoning 35 We reveal [deliberate and] inconsistent deceptions 36 while they [proclaim] their bible is 37 [Unique and] holds the only [answer] --------------------------------------------- 03 "peering" felt more malevolent 05 "oozing" built a more sinister image 07 This is stylistic, "coming" is fine, I just liked "passing" better due to the connotations associated with apartheid 08 "assuming" feels smoother 11 I feel the use of "these" to indicate doppelgangers makes them more immediate, closer, more personal 12 I wanted to create a tension and felt "aching" did so here 17 "Brains" is a tough word to use in a serious setting. "Minds" would have been good except that it would be the 3rd usage of the word with no good reason 18 "formulating" was more calculating and sinister 19 This line was difficult to read smoothly so I simplified it 20 I liked "preventing" because it plays into the sinister aspect more 24 I feel "gathering" is a smoother word here 26 I wanted to imbue this line with a willing participation 27 The start of this line was jarring and I felt smoothing it would be beneficial 29 To make this clearer I wanted to first state there was a gift and then define it 30 put/place - really 6 of one, half a dozen of another. 32 - 37 I was looking to magnify your end point and step up the power of the message and tossed in some word modifications as well as line order changes and ended with a more direct indictment of the thought and action pattern you had described. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

mmm mmm good! Possibilities! ;) It's good to see you again Cat! I've missed you and Mr. Edge! On line 29, I'm going to go against what Jonathan suggested (sorry bud) and suggest using 'our' only one time (I would change the first one to 'the') because I stumbled over the so-immediate repetition of that word (does that make sense, so-immediate?). Or you could even use Jonathan's suggestion, "employing our gift our natural intellect" and either add a comma between 'gift' and 'our' or put a line break between those same words and I think that would work as well. Next I think 'goes against the grain' is a good turn of phrase to describe what you're writing about in this poem, but since it's becoming a cliche I think using it in your poem is sort of going against the message (or at least one of the messages) you're trying get across to your readers in this poem (I hope that's not too far-fetched a statement, I am after all, almost totally bonkers at the ripe old age of seventeen). I think something with synonymous meaning, but more unique, would be better in the place of that phrase. Lastly, a teensy weensy spelling mistake on the last line- 'uniquire' should be unique! Sheesh, between me and Jonathan this poem was butchered....*trails off* mmmm butchered... anyway! I really enjoyed this fresh take on 'the man' and 'they'. You tell a true tale with such fascinating attention to detail and great metaphor! Kelsey PS: don't be surprised if I start calling 'them' The Regulators now! ;)

Dear C., Great job. I love the motive and the mood. It really flows. P.

Agreed a comma would smooth it out: "employing our gift, our natural intellect" and I understand that not everyone is as fond of repetition as I, which is a good thing because it gives us perspectives. Also, I appreciate the confidence you've place in my suggestions and just want to state clearly, in case there is any question by anyone, my suggestions were driven by the image and feel of your poem. That you entertained the possibility that you could enhance your vision from the input of others is what a workshop is all about. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

I must of read this a dozen times. Artwork for the reader.

I must agree that a good rant really clears the soul's clutter. At my age i hear so many from my hormonal peers! But this is one fantastically written rant!! I love the images and the language.

I must agree that a good rant really clears the soul's clutter. At my age i hear so many from my hormonal peers! But this is one fantastically written rant!! I love the images and the language.

sorry i submitted that twice my computers been on the fritz...

Interestingly alliterated. I thought more about the Illuminati on reading through, more than religion. Mind you, it does bring out the sinister aspects of evangelical religion.