An unpleasant noise

Echo it wasn't the wine that intoxicated me nor the white narcissus bending like a lover to touch the mountain breeze it wasn't the falling into its fragrant lake, it was my stupid Hungarian soul, following a gypsy violin deep into the forest of no return, once upon a time I heard an echo I thought was mine. ~Anna Loved your poem, doorman... you opened a memory. "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." ~ Paul Valery

May need to be structured differently. The airy feel in the second half may need to be applied to the first half. I think you have some great ideas to play with. raskin

I must say I liked the original better than the version that is up now. You have some stunning lines in this one, e.g. "Walk face wide in the golden sand,". The merging of the two stanzas into one works well up to this point: Walk face wide in the golden sand, grains flow up between your toes like the Flood, unnoticed. ”Where are you?” The thinning line stretches far into lost, but I miss the original second stanza, with all its spaces. The directness of it is lost in the edit, I think. But that may well be just me... Yours, ~Nina P.S. The title... as far as I remember, Narciss did not find Echo's replies unpleasant, so you might perhaps reconsider...