Now I Understand

I hold his hand,
 As he lies in his bed,
 Feeling the life drain out of him,
 Knowing soon he’ll join the Land of the Dead.
 I touch his hand,
 It feels so cold,
 His heart still beats,
 To me he doesn’t seem so old.
 His hand clenches,
 The sweat beats at his brow,
 The shudders start,
 Not long now.
 I watch my Family gather,
 I watch as they cry,
 My clothes are unkempt,
 Yet my face remains dry.
 I cannot shed the tears,
 The ones bottled inside,
 I cannot share the memories,
 While he’s still alive.
 They talk like he’s dead,
 He’s breathing, so he’s alive,
 The morphine masks it,
 But I know he’s still inside.
 My Nan’s a Nurse,
 Yet all she can do is watch,
 Remembering the good times,
 And how pain has a cost.
 ‘Why him?’
 He has a heart of gold,
 Mowing complete stranger’s lawns,
 Believing friends for Nan would be the result.
 Two years,
 He knew,
 He said he was fine,
 We all believed it to be true.
 He fooled us all,
 With his lies,
 Didn’t want the pity,
 Now trapped in our eyes.
 Yet the rest of the Family,
 Seems to be amiss,
 A Family feud,
 A pretend sense of bliss.
 Eight long years,
 Could barely mention their name,
 With it brought memories,
 Family history and pain.
 Now at the funeral,
 The sun shines so bright
 The family united,
 Cascaded in a warm glowing light.


They all smile,
 Yet at first I can’t understand,
 The feeling surrounds me,
 I can’t comprehend.
 The tears they fall,
 Down my cheek,
 Now I smile,
 Now I weep.
 Together at last,
 He always knew,
 A tragedy to renew a bond,
 The same reason it went askew.
 All four Sisters,
 Holding hands,
 Remembering a Father,
 Now I understand.