Universal Wonder

Why is it that the sun,
Though thought to hold pleasure and beauty,
Moves in the path of a frown?

That a smile turned upside down,
Is a frown,
But not thought negative?

Why is it that Science, though admitting of flaws,
Is taken as fact?
When did Universal Wonder leave?

— evie.haywood, Mar 06, 2010

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Critiques

press

16 years 3 months ago

Hey evie

I will have to say in this poem . The first words [ Why is it that the sun,Though thought to hold pleasure and beauty, Moves in the path of a frown?].This took me to new places, this part was outstanding. But then U lost me by making this personal by adding this [Why is it that one plus two is three?And why is it, That you plus me, just won’t be?].I will only say that there is room to expand with this poem Press

evie.haywood

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you for the comment, I

Thank you for the comment, I was a bit hesitant when writing it thinking perhaps it should've been worked on as two seperate poems. Do you have any suggestions for the final stanza? Evie

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

How funny is this I was

How funny is this I was reading your poem as you updated so you get an extra star because its much more visually appealing now ... good job on the edit love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x

evie.haywood

16 years 3 months ago

Lol. Thank you for the 5

Lol. Thank you for the 5 star. Just goes to show how a good comment can help. :) Evie.

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

I will be sure to keep an

I will be sure to keep an eye out for your posts Evie and offer any suggestions (you dont have to take my advice) thats optional lol ... but I loved this one ... love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x

poewriter58

16 years 3 months ago

Evie

Great questions and you have given your reader food for thought. I see Serene was here she gives great suggestions will continue reading your work now Chrys