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judyanne
judyanne
Mar 05, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Bad News

The oceans should be churning,
birds taking flight.
So why is the sun still shining
and the wind still have its bite?

 Why don’t the stars fall?
Shouldn’t the mountains have crumbled?
Why do I feel so sick?
Why does that young constable

 sit there?

 The plants should have shrivelled,
animals have cried.
Why does my heart keep beating?
Why do I feel like I died?

 The oxygen isn’t reaching me.
Why don’t they turn on a fan?
I feel so incredibly hot.
Should that damn policeman

 sit there?

 Someone please say something.
Go away, leave me alone.
All sitting, staring, silent.
I should just go home.

 My lungs won’t work properly.
Can’t make my way to the door
my legs feel so useless.
And that bloody man of the law

 sits there.

 Both mind and body paralysed.
I badly need to cry.
Why do I sit here in disbelief?
They are telling a dreadful lie.

 The world hasn’t stopped turning,
the buildings don’t totter.
So why does everything seem surreal
and why does that fucking copper

 sit there?


 

— judyanne, Mar 05, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 3 months ago

Bloody cops! They’re

Bloody cops! They're always watching. lol or not. Judyanne, I wonder though, is this a dream? Or an experience in the antechamber? The place where one goes every once in awhile. I really don't know what to make of this poem but it feels uncomfortable. Like you were when you wrote it. No wonder no one commented on it. I often have that sense of dread. That's it... a sense of dread! ....But hey, was the cop cute at least? And go wash out your mouth with soap, this is no language for a proper lady! ~A "If parents really would love their children there would no longer be any war." J. Krishnamurti
M

magics02

16 years 3 months ago

Jane

Jane lady my uptake on this one is this --- Was this when you got the dreaded news? That is what I thought when I read it and the only thing that threw me off was the copper thing? Just what was that the copper baby shoes? Please let us know as I feel this one was hard for you to write somehow but it means alot to you, the dread. Love Mona xoxoxox Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks Troy for bothering to

Thanks Troy for bothering to think about it all. I appreciate your comments May I say, wnen i lost Jeremy all i wanted was to hear about was how others felt when this happenend to them. Sadly I couldn't find the writes, and the area seemed bare of others' emotions. one of the reasons I wrote my book. to show others that their angry and lost emotions are not selfish OR wromg, that others react in the same way. and that we are not alone. we are never alone. thanks again Troy for coming back to visit.. Love Jusy PS when next i submit one of my darker poems i will warn you with three asterisks before the title. my special message to Troy. DON'T READ THIS TROY !!! lOVE You Judy
M

magics02

16 years 3 months ago

I think this is a poem about her son

I do believe this one to be about her beautiful son who passed. If I am wrong I apologize ahead of time, but there is alot of grief here and emotion and something she needs to write about. Not all of our poems will only be one mood or style, as we all have styles that do not remain consistent throughout. Ex: I can write a love poem, a sad poem, a happy poem, an angry poem we all write whatever it is at the moment in time we put it into form or format for the reader. We all may experience anger or whatever emotion in our writing at any given time. Just a thought here. Judy is a gem and her writing speaks volumes also. xoxoxoxoxo Mona Learn to live, learn to forgive. Life is too short.
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

I have a smile all over my dial xx

Thanks everybody. This is one I wrote without any of the emotions you have read, so I am really, really, really happy. Yes Magics. This is about the death of my son, the day, the moment I received the news. the copper became less and less welcome as Hermes or Iris or whoever he was impersonating. I began to want to shoot the messenger. As I said, the poeem was written by remembering my felings and not experiencing them as I wrote it, so again I am very very very happy with your responses. A ~ there were actually two of them they were both wet behind the ears, and one was a girl Troy, part of my wanting to write is to write fiction. I don't write poetry just to express my feelings of the time. I like to try and tell as story or emotion or even a Truth if I can find one, and the only way one can truly write is to write from life experiences. You don't have to be actually experiencing or re-experiencing to write the emotion, and you don't have to like the poem to like the poetry. So now, would you all please critique the poem without worrying that you're going to hurt me? you can't. I did tick the I-want-the-raw-truth box Thanks again everyone. Judy
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

That’s fine troy. Love

That's fine troy. Love you, and sure, you don't have to like it. I hope you meant you were only leaving me for the duration of this particular poem? lol judy
M

magics02

16 years 3 months ago

I knew that was it

As I just read your response I knew as I was reading it what it was saying, the dreadful knock at the door, the police officers delivering the news, just like the Military delivers the knock to the wife of a fallen soldier. I always fear that too as only one would guess that the officer's coming to the house are to bring the devastating sad news. I can see you sitting there at that moment wanting to just imagine it was a dream instead of a reality. I feel your loss and know as you sat there you wanted those officers to leave right away. Your breath stops and the whole world stops as your life is never quite the same after this type of news, I think you are most courageous to write of it and I read your every word there. It is good for you to write how you felt,it is in a sense a healing of some sorts to put it down, though the pain never may evaporate completely ever. I so love the sharing of something so dear to you as your son with others. He will remain forever in your heart and know that I care and feel your pain even though we never sat in the same room together. I feel the presence of your very heart my friend. May God continue to bless you and always comfort you here Ms Judy. A tear fills my eyes as I write this. A truly sad life experience. Just know Jeremy is with you always. Love and Friendship Always Magics02 xoxoxoxoxo
M

Mariposa

16 years 3 months ago

your poem hit me powerfully

Amazing writing, and your descriptions, images, thoughts...so true of this horrible phenomena bad news envelopes us in. Namaste Jhena Mariposa
Seren

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dera Judy

You have written your heart here ... sometimes when we write people become used to a certain way of writing, in my opinion sticking to one type of write can be dangerous in the sense the reader always becomes used to a similiar style/and then when a change takes place they find themselves in unchartered waters, and unsure ... I mix it up for the quality I dont want to be bogged in one style of writing (but thats just me) I believe this is a quality poem and relevant not only to you but to other mothers like us who have lost a little one ... I have never written about my son Josh but one day I will ... there are a couple of suggestions I will make later just small tweaks ... when its quieter and my house isnt an assembly area ... I think half of towns been here this morning I cant say ive lived your poem I cant imagine what its like to have a copper come to your door giving news that forever changed your world ... Josh was unwell from birth three days later he slipped away, the lose no less great ... our kids are our blood and nothing, time or tide cannot change the love and anger at our parting love and much respect Jayne-Chloe
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

Jayne-Chloe you are a gem

someone who understands why I wanted to write this one. I really don't want to be known as a particular type of writer, although my mainstream would be light I still like to try the darker ones. After all, I want to write about life and life is both light and dark. Plese do get back to me with the tweaks you mentioned. So sorry to hear about Josh. We've all our losses, none stand alone in that. Love you my aussie mate. Judy
VX

Venus x

16 years 3 months ago

I Love this raw emotion

I Love this raw emotion of that moment in time, Judy. Only a mother who shares the same experience would understand what you must of felt, I can't even imagine what I would have said or done. The description of events is so realistic, I can feel you pain and sorrow and able to share that with you through your writing. Excellent heart felt pen... Love and light to you dear Judy, Venus xxxx
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you Venus. Thank you.I

Thank you Venus. Thank you. I was looking for a reaction, I certainly got one didn't I. Your supportive words appreciated Love Judy xxxx
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I knew straight away it was

I knew straight away it was about your son. And yes that F***ing copper is stamped in your head. So it's only natural for you too mention him as an important memory of your terrible loss. Troy wouldn't have known about your son, so I'm sure this is why he was dumbfounded with your gentle side suddenly becoming fierce. 1st stanza...line 4...maybe change to: and the wind still {have} its bite? (has) luv & thougts of u & your lovely son. Rosina xena465
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you very much

Thank you very much Rosina Thanks for the suggestion of word change, but if i take out the middle words I think the tense is correct as it is. So why is the sun still shining/ and the wind still have its bite? So why Does /the wind still have its bite? Love and hugs Judy
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I did a gramma check on this

I did a gramma check on this line, as it felt wrong, and you'd asked for help. The grammar came up as: `Subject-verb agreement` and suggested using has, rather than have, that's where my suggestion came from. I wasn't sure if this matters with free verse. Hope I didn't do wrong by doing this...I wanted to help you for a change. Rosina xena465
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

love you Rosina

Thank you so much for caring to bother. I have to admit the line did sound wrong to me, but each way I put it seemed to turn it into a query as to whether the wind was still biting, not why it was. Then I realised, with your help how to do it. I think with your help we have solved it. What do you think? lahasax Judy
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

Hi Judy. Have you change it

Hi Judy. Have you change it and re-posted it yet? It's still sounds the same and when I copied & pasted the stanza again to a word document it's still coming up the with the same suggestion. Try it with a word document and you'll see what I mean. I don't know what `Subject-verb ageement` means so perhaps it dosen't really matter and it's fine the way it is. Rosina xena465
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 3 months ago

I’ve changed So why is the

I've changed So why is the sun still shining and the wind still have its bite? To So why does the sun still shine and the wind still have its bite? the only other way i could see seems to change the wind question into a different context of question ie: So why is the sun still shining and does the wind still have its bite? and doesn't read what I'm trying to say love to you for caring and making it better. Judy xxxxxxxx
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I love your anger in this

I love your anger in this poem because what you went through was awful. luv 2 u my good friend Rosina xena465
H

Harvey

16 years 3 months ago

Powerful

There is more impact in this relatively short verse than in an entire novel. I'm too new here to know your backstory but what you conveyed here tells a story that no one want's to live through. You are a powerful writer dear heart -- always enjoy your writing (when I have time to read).
Seren

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Judy

These words have special meaning for you and I have done something I hope you dont mind ... i felt your words needed to be split up like short gasps of breath of thoughts ... staccato's the read and gives it the feel I think your striving for ... if its not just ignore it lol big smiles hugs of love Jayne-Chloe The oceans should be churning, birds taking flight. So why is the sun still shining and the wind still have its bite? Why don’t the stars fall? Shouldn’t the mountains have crumbled? Why do I feel so sick? Why does that young constable sit there? The plants should have shrivelled, animals have cried. Why does my heart keep beating? Why do I feel like I died? The oxygen isn’t reaching me. Why don’t they turn on a fan? I feel so incredibly hot. Should that damn policeman sit there? Someone please say something. Go away, leave me alone. All sitting, staring, silent. I should just go home. My lungs won’t work properly. Can’t make my way to the door my legs feel so useless. And that bloody man of the law sits there. Both mind and body paralysed. I badly need to cry. Why do I sit here in disbelief? They are telling a dreadful lie. The world hasn’t stopped turning, the buildings don’t totter. So why does everything seem surreal and why does that fucking copper sit there?
Seren

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Love ya back Judd thats why

Love ya back Judd thats why I fiddled and tickled ... I am honoured you liked it thanks love and big hugs JayCee x x x