Alice Ember

Mar 02, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lady Alana

A fine lady
Unable to love
He'd taken her heart
She spins like a toy top

Her head pounds
Trying to hold on
Trying so hard to be herself
Reach herself ever again

He disappeared down the road
With all of her being in tow
Lady Alana brave, and strong
Fighting tooth and nail

To find herself again
Not sure she ever can
Lady Alana won the battle
But not the war

Never the war
She's just barly holding on
Battles erupt
All hell breaks loss

Her heart bleeds a thousand times
She fights until she's bloody
Everyday she holds on to herself
Working, hopeing, praying that she'll get better

She becomes a fighter
Lady knight Alana
She bullys her heart
Into a bloody submission

She's pulling through
Working until she dropped from exhuastion
She's almost there
Her sword flashes in the sky

Driving back the darkness
That threatens to kill her
She attacks with all she's worth
She's had enough, it ends here

Her every muscle worked
She howled as pain coursed through her
But, in mintues she was whole, complete
She'd won, her fight was done

This poem was inspired by a comment Alone97. Thanks Alone97 I apprciate all your help. :P And to everyone else whose hepled me. You guys rock! Keep the critizisime coming. :)

Love,
Alice

odi et amo
(I love and I hate)

— Alice Ember, Mar 02, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Give it

Give it to me straight please. I need to improve so, feel free to run me over with a bus. :) Love, Alice

greeneyes

16 years 3 months ago

wow! I really liked this, I

wow! I really liked this, I read your other stuff and liked them too! Good job. Greeneyes

Mark

16 years 3 months ago

hi Alice

Straight is straight lol Consider.. problems were what she had.. also I find no problem with f***ing but know that using those words whole in poetry can be ok just careful to use them strategically :) I think the rest is all good, nothing like finding a muse in another ;) Groovy, Mark "I do not walk the earth and eat out of dumpsters, I'm not a bum, I'm beat."

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for your guys help. It means alot Love, Alice

Kailashana

16 years 3 months ago

Hi Alice Ember, This is the

Hi Alice Ember, This is the type of poem that begs to be pared down to a stanza or two. A fine lady unable to love He’s taken her heart, she's in a spin Her head pounds trying to hold on trying so hard to be herself, reach herself ever again he disappearing down that road but he has taken all of her Lady Alana brave, and strong Fighting tooth and nail To find herself again Not even sure she can Lady Alana won the battle But not the war Never the war She is herself, whole and complete. Just some thoughts... ~A "If parents really would love their children there would no longer be any war." J. Krishnamurti

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks

I'll do it thanks for the help.

Marigold Malayne

16 years 3 months ago

I enjoyed this truly, but

I enjoyed this truly, but the last part threw me off. You say, how she can never win, but then immediately your next line is "She won!" And I think to myself, but how? That was fast...I would add more struggle of Alana between "She can't win" and "She won."

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks

Thanks for the help. I'll work on it. Love, Alice

DawningDaytripper

16 years 3 months ago

I loved this AmberShe

I loved this Amber She becomes a fighter Lady knight Alana She bullys her heart Into a bloody submission The struggle and fight pulled me in and delivered a great story and poem. Its a wonder what one line can inspire. Great read. Julie D.D.

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks

Thanks Julie.

bella1

16 years 3 months ago

wowww!

that was a wicked poem!!! Loved it

Patricia_legacy

16 years 3 months ago

Great read

I really liked this poem a lot. I think you might find some help using the spell checker. Other than that it was very nice. Pat

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks

I'll work on it thanks guys Love, Alice Odi et Amo ( I love and I hate)

arja

16 years 3 months ago

}}}APPLAUSE{{{..gee, i was

}}}APPLAUSE{{{ ..gee, i was late in coming..anyway, better late than never.. ..this one is wonderful, like part2 of your previous poem..but this stands on its own..love it! ;)