Cascading Silence

Announcing a swept phraseThe doll bids for strengthWishing to escape Quickly pacedHer movements flow,Swaying back and forthAs mellow swingsIn a hesitant day (Steady… just a few for steps)And her heart beats faster(Steady… just a few more breaths)And her world starts overlapping Faint,Bare,Her stained skinned Binds within the symphony,Composing a bleak finaleAs scarlet drapes an oblivious end

— Layune, Feb 27, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: California, United Sates, USA

Critiques

Cloudthings

16 years 3 months ago

Well written work of possible disturbing circ's subtly expressed

I was really captured by this write, I will read a few more times since I don't feel so clear headed just now ... The end left me a bit winded though, since I had a sudden awful sense of suicide (clever imagery if so), which is always disturbing... Still I don't want my personal impression of the story to betray the essence of the poem & I think it is really well done. ps my only crit would be to replace the "end" in one of the last 2 lines? Otherwise very smooth. Cheers Anni~ "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet.

Mariposa

16 years 3 months ago

Loved the use of language

I loved your use of language- I kept feeling the theme of music. I like the idea of "world (starts?) overlapping". The ending, was it a suicide? Jhena Mariposa

Mariposa

16 years 3 months ago

"Her world Stars Overlapping"

Oh- now I get it! That makes so much sense if it's relating to death. Often good poetry must be savored before the full meaning comes out. Jhena Mariposa

Layune

16 years 3 months ago

thanks both of you for the

thanks both of you for the comments I did modify the poem with both the suggestion and correction each one made. Glad you both the enjoyed the read.