THE BANSHEE

Read it updated and there is still things there that don't work for me Ziggy. I'll try and make sense from my emotional instinct as I’m sure I will learn as much from trying to figure it out as you will from my ramblings. olden lace of gray or white This bugs me because it is neither one thing or another my mind tries to flip to white lace ...no then its grey...argh...see my dilemma? I like the follow into the reapers night that works well. The fatal kinship is slightly confusing ...a curse on the Celts for it ....hmmm she is still the Grim Reaper and doesn't really bewail the race just the individual to die ...I love the next line a mournful hollow wind that carries a human tone I guess it is the next bit that disturbs me too ...you have heard the Banshee who precludes death and yet you flip her off ...now if she was coming for you I could understand a battle of sorts between you but the next few lines are not focused enough to show that ... Oh hell I’ve just ripped apart your poem ...why have I done this? You write much better than this Ziggy...there are a couple of descriptive lines worth salvaging here and the theme of course but you haven't really fed me with the fear that strikes the heart of someone who hears the Banshee ...fear of death and loss...There is no emotion , I think that's it. I have been scared shitless on dark nights by the sounds of 'possible ' Banshees as a child...even now she strikes fear.... Sorry Ziggy this is not an attack in any form, I know you have been struggling with your muse...if I didn't think you were worth taking the time to comment on like this I would not have bothered... Come back to me angrily if you like I just want to see emotion and see you justify why and what you have written... The tenacious terrier of truth Seabhac

You worked hard on this I see but have still retained the bones of it ( no pun intended..ha ha) I'm off to read your new one now and then I'd better do some real work Seabhac

Zigs, this does have a haunting chill to it. It feels (and this is going to sound stupid, but we're friends so here goes) very Irish, in a haunting kind of way. I can hear the wailing across the rolling hills of Ireland and can see the mist forming in the low ground. I have read Seabhac's comments and she is right in most aspects, however, I also understand you purposefully used certain words for specific reasons. I also know she didn't rip your poem apart but was honest and constructive. This is still a strong piece and maybe a tighten up here and there would make it even better...but whatever you do, it will always feel Irish to me!! LOL! I was reading this through for the upteenth (is that spelt right?) time and realised it would make a great spoken intro into a song...I may have use for it...will you sell it to me? regards, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".