My Little Heaven

To MM of Kahta, south-eastern Turkey, who became a victim of honour killing.

That day,

Apparent rage was at boiling Fahrenheit,

Twenty/ thirty degree more than usual.

Routine lashing;

Of oral expressions some pitch higher,

Of physical: panicked heart

And unsettling subconscious.

That day,

My usual inner assurance;

Deserted me,

Was missing at the end of the tunnel,

Leaving a dark uncertain hole.

Realized, the abyss was

Outside the house, taking form.

Hands tied,

Around me as the abyss rose;

My season hardened tear glands gave away,

So did my stiff shut mouth.

But unfathomable hardened hearts,

Guided hands of those,

I grew up knowing so close.

Hands tied,

I screamed looking upward.

First handful of dust;

Touched my cheeks, my tongue,

Stung my eyes, mixed with my tears.

With each shovel poured on me,

Slowly I was giving up.

Hands tied,

Kicking, screaming.

Finally darkness engulfed .

Realized I was choking,

And had tested dust.

From consciousness to sub consciousness,

I passed, and in reverse.

Hours faded,

May be months and seasons.

Sound of silence stretched around.

Residues of lights faded,

Into absolute darkness and

Darkness into something more vivid.

And into truth, lapsed, mirage of reality.

Ages faded,

I was slipping away;

Through fire and ice,

Through infinite lights,

From this realm to the realm of infinity,

And beyond that,

Into infinite unknown textures and colours.

That day,

I died, transitioned from your earth.

But long before that;

Contrary to whatever they believed and thought;

I knew in my heart,

I was always being awaited,

By the little heaven of my own .

**16 years MM was buried alive by her relatives in sitting position with her hands tied in a 2 meter deep hole dug outside her house in Kahta, in south-eastern province of Adiyaman. As post-mortem report revealed and so did forensic experts said that the autopsy result was blood-curdling. According to their findings, the girl – who had no bruises on her body and no sign of narcotics or poison in her blood – was alive and fully conscious when she was buried. And the reason for this gruesome honour killing was her family was upset as MM had male friends.

So much cruelty in this world and it’s a terrible thing to know.