CYBERGRANNY!!!

I AM NO MATCH FOR PROGRESS
I FEAR I'VE GOTTEN OLD TOO FAST...
SO MANY NEW DEVELOPMENTS
MORE TODAY THAN IN THE PAST

BEEPERS, PAGERS, IPODS
SMARTPHONES, LAPTOPS AND  SUCH
EVEN IN THE BATHROOM...
NO ONE'S EVER OUT OF TOUCH!

THEY CAN'T LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE
AND I SIMPLY CAN'T KEEP UP!!
PHONES? MY DAUGHTER TRADES HER'S IN
LIKE I CHANGE COFFEE CUPS!!

THERE'S ALWAYS A NEWER MODEL
THAT DOES WHAT THE OLD DID NOT...
CHECKS YOUR MAIL...SURFS THE WEB
OR ORDERS SEAFOOD ON THE SPOT!

ALL THESE NEW-FANGLED GADGETS!!!
TECHNOLOGY'S RUNNING WILD!!
COMPARED TO WHAT WE HAVE NOWADAYS?
YESTERDAY'S STUFF WAS MILD!!

IT TOOK ME LONG FRUSTRATING WEEKS
TO DECIPHER EMAIL DIRECTIONS....
FOR CREATING FOLDERS, SIGNATURES
AND SPAM FILTERS FOR PROTECTION!!

AND DOWNLOAD MUSIC? THAT'S A JOKE
I WON'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH
TO EVEN BEGIN TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO DO THAT KIND OF STUFF!!

MY SON CALLED UP THE OTHER DAY
SAYING, "MOM!!!!!!!!! I GOT A BLUE TOOTH!!"
I TOLD HIM..."SEE A DENTIST!!"
THAT'S  SAD, BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!!!

IT SEEMS THERE'S ALMOST NOTHING
THAT YOU CANNOT DO ONLINE!
BUY PRODUCTS WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD!
PAY BILLS OR PUBLISH RHYMES!!

I GET EMAILS FROM ANOTHER FRIEND
SAYING  "SENT FROM MY BLACKBERRY??"
I'D LIKE TO ASK BUT I'M AFRAID...
IGNORANCE HAS MADE ME WARY...

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THIS STUFF
AND NOT COME ACROSS AS DUMB...
IS QUITE A CHALLENGE AND THE STRESS
LEAVES THIS BEFUDDLED GRANNY NUMB!

I TYPE FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT
BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO MATTER...
I CLICK ON ENTER OR MAYBE SEND?
AND ALL MY WORDS JUST SCATTER!!

THE LONG EMAIL THAT I SPENT HOURS
CONSTRUCTING WITH SO MUCH CARE?
GONE FOREVER WITH ONE STROKE!
VANISHED INTO CYBER AIR!!!

EVEN  TODDLERS NOW ARE ALL HOOKED UP
THEY'RE  ADDICTED TO THE 'NET...
NO MORE WEE ONES  AT THE PLAYGROUND
THEY'RE ONLINE EACH CHANCE THEY GET!

A TWO YEAR OLD WHO'S BARELY MASTERED
THE ART OF TOILET TRAINING?
IS NOT CONTENT WITH FISHER PRICE..
HE FINDS THE WEB MORE ENTERTAINING!

AND WHO ON EARTH IS "MAILER DAEMON?"
HOW'D HE GET TO MY INBOX??
I DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE NAME
YAHOO SHOULD PASS OUT LOCKS!!

AND I'D LIKE TO SAY A WORD TO THOSE...
WHO SEND  "ATTACHMENTS" IN EMAIL?
WHATEVER'S IN IT ?  IS VERY SAFE
MY ATTEMPTS TO "OPEN" ALWAYS FAIL!

SO IF THE CONTENTS ARE IMPORTANT?
OR SOMETHING FOR MY EYES ALONE?
THEN FOR ONCE PLEASE BE OLD-FASHIONED
AND JUST PICK UP THE TELEPHONE!!

AND DIAL MY LANDLINE NOT THE CELL...
FOR THAT'S IN AN UPSTAIRS DRAWER
THE PHONE'S QUITE  DEAD...THE CONTRACT'S NOT
CAN'T HELP IT SAID THE STORE....

THEY OFFERED TO SELL ME A NEWER PHONE
THAT WAS AS FANCY AS THEY GET...
BUT I TOLD 'EM THANKS, BUT NO THANKS...
I'M NOT QUITE THAT SENILE YET!! 

THIS ONE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE...IT'S JUST
A BIT OF SENIOR VENTING FOR FUN &
FRUSTRATION!!   HAHAHA!