She, through my prism

" "No one throws dirt on my wife" he says, " What a great tribute to your friend, mentor, mother, soul mate. And to lose her... the tragedy is heart wrenching. I wouldn't dare suggest a change. Wonderful read. And I love it when I time it right to tell you first! Julie D.D.

I can see the haunting within... very well portrayed. I was thinking it was about a family member until the very hard-hitting line "no one throws dirt on my wife he said" I only had one suggestion, "roses red" didn't seem to work for me, caused me to stumble. I was thinking about why and maybe the "roses" could be omitted, something like... "the red ones we gave as our parting gifts" or "the red ones we gave at her last gathering" or am I reading it wrong, what I got was the roses were given earlier, forgive me if I misunderstood. great tribute to Karin, and thank you for sharing it. Richard

(((((((Nina))))))) I can only embrace you as you embraced Karin with your poem. Bless your spirits. ~A

Tea roses, i love it!!! What a clever way you have written this sensitive piece, it flows nicely and the words you have used deal with the emotion perfectly, you are really apt at portraying sadness in a way that isnt full of darkness vix x Optimism in adversity nutures positive outcomes

p.s. *Tea* roses was a perfect substitute!

Your poem had me near to blubbering ... god this is just a beautiful tribute you should be so proud ... that line noone throws dirt on my wife broke my heart, hit a cord you (((((hugs)))) much love Jayne-Chloe

[del] {add} ***comments*** I dress [up to the nines] in black for a night out then I remember {her voice} [her voice you always pick the colours that suit you] {you always pick the colours that suit you} I wear my purple velvet jacket at Betty’s wedding {and}[then I] remember that was her last gift to me I buy yellow sunflowers for Mother’s Day [then I remember] she does not live here anymore I see tea roses perching on the dinner table [then I remember] crimson were the ones we gave her [as our parting gifts] {as our parting gifts} [No one throws dirt on my wife he said] {No one throws dirt on my wife, he said that day} Song of Joy held us all [in an excruciating embrace] {in an excruciating embrace} [while the] **add a color here to tie it back to the conceit***sun blessed our farewells Nice elegy, well executed. In poems like this, where you have a refrain, I think it’s enough to say it once or twice, then the reader is already programmed for the syntax, and you can leave the words off for a better read. Line breaks needed attention. The sun can be many colors in your prism.

Ann of Norway Oh the quandary of choice in clothes, its a universal problem and one is surprised when someone says 'didn't you wear that dress to...in 1073? ' And you say yes and are still wearing it as a special occasions dress in 2008, hm, its true, I don't go out to functions or places that demand stylish dress, and that dress is timeless in design doesn't crush and will do to anything, like the Frenchwoman's 'little black dress' she fishes out for all occasions,n'est pas? Yes!! I think Nicole has done a fine crit for you Nina, wow that's dedication there Nicole. Love to you Nina from Ann.

it has been years already it seems so close though I was not close to her just you in your kitchen when you told me what a beautiful way to remember.

A memory shared and a dear friends spirit passed to us in the warmth of this poem. Seabhac

and I loved the use of the out of step colour and flower imagery. I like the change to tea-roses as well. I have a couple of other small suggestions you might consider. I found the line: "crimson were the ones we gave her as our parting gifts" perhaps a little too long and lacking the punch that such a poignant image deserves. How about: "crimson were the ones we laid (or threw) as parting gifts" Again the penultimate line feels a little too long and in last line I suppose again I was expecting the color contrast in relation to the sun. "Song of Joy held us in red-rimmed embrace as the yellow (or may be saffron)sun blessed our mourners' farewells". As always just some thoughts to consider and I appreciate that this is a very personal piece. with my best wishes Keith

Nina A touching, cathartic write, far too descriptive of the raw emotions of a funeral for me to even attempt any crit. Beautifully crafted. Yours Ian

looks like you took some good advice here, i'm glad i saw a more polished product. hope you have more like this under your belt. t_f

roses are always near in thought lately petal dove wings culled in sleep the shovel draught trickles dark the grain like long nights Thank You a beautiful ode poem