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M

AchieveDreamS&GoaLs

So I'm Facing the ocean
It's so far and open
It's got an unparticular motion
But ive set devotions
and I'm gunna fill this empty emotion
like a potent potion
making my body feel frozen
its a moment in where im growin
and not knowin in where ill be thrown in
so like shes blowin im showin in not a rodent and i get goin
in a boat in im floatin hopin
my boat stays un broken
plus im high as a totem again hopin i dont be chokin
but desguised like folk man
im elopin when it comes to votin
some rub it in like lotion
but i know they act opposite thier promotions
— mdehe, Feb 21, 2010

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weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

matty, I think I may have slammed your poems before,

but this is bloody fucking good. The continued rhyme works superbly, it doesn't demean the content and was fun to read. The only line I don't like is - so like shes blowin im showin in not a rodent and i get goin too long, edit it. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible