Alice Ember

Feb 21, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Frankie ( I miss you man)

shining essence extinguished
voice never to be heard again
jokes never to be told just right
life ended before it even began

protective arm on my shoulders
his goofy faces
prank calls in the night
silly dances in public

brilliance is still here
beauty surrounds us
life is ours to live
touch still lingering on our skin

Rock it up there in heaven. Stay put until I can get to you man. See you when I get there. Thanks Mark for the advice and help.

— Alice Ember, Feb 21, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

DawningDaytripper

16 years 3 months ago

Well Alice I think any

Well Alice I think any friend would be proud to be remembered in such away. Thanks for sharing what must be hard I find writing about it always helps me too. Great first post and welcome to Neo. Julie D.D.

Mark

16 years 2 months ago

I pray you do see him Alice..

Just not yet :) Everything Julie (D.D.) says I agree with.. Truly, Mark "I do not walk the earth and eat out of dumpsters, I'm not a bum, I'm beat." PS good going Alice but leave it open for future conciderations :)

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks guys

Thanks for your opinions. I do to wish I see him again but, definatly not yet. Please share my oem with your friends I would like some more feed back.

DawningDaytripper

16 years 3 months ago

No problem, happy to Alice.

No problem, happy to Alice. The sure fire way to get people to read your post, is to read and comment on thiers. That is the engine of this gem we call Neo. Feel free to wander and discover the wonders availible. Julie D.D.

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

thanks

Thanks for the advice. I'll work on that.

Mark

16 years 3 months ago

meanwhile allow me to show you something Alice,

Most times redundancy is considered a bad thing in poetry. Redundancy is the repeating of the same word or words. You don't need to change anything because of this but think about it OK? shinning essence extinguished voice never to be heard again jokes never to be told just right life ended before it even began protective arm on my shoulders his goofy faces prank calls in the night silly dances in public brilliance is still here his beauty surrounds life is mine to live touch still lingering on my skin That is close for me, but it still needs a tweak here and there. Mark "I do not walk the earth and eat out of dumpsters, I'm not a bum, I'm beat."

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

thanks

Thanks mark for the help. Talk to you soon, I think anyways. I still would like some more people to check out my stuff so, I can get betterthough. So, if you guys can spread me around. Thanks a bunch. Love, Alice

Mark

16 years 3 months ago

Plesae don't wait..

go to the front page and find poems to comment on :) hint- at the top left of any page, click on NeoPoet and that will take you to the front (home) page. Mark "I do not walk the earth and eat out of dumpsters, I'm not a bum, I'm beat."

Mark

16 years 3 months ago

I like it !

Good working Alice ! Never fear revising, remeber, this is a workshop.. Truly, Mark "I do not walk the earth and eat out of dumpsters, I'm not a bum, I'm beat."

arja

16 years 3 months ago

Welcome to NEO Alice!

Welcome to NEO Alice! ..indeed when you followed Mark's advice the poem sounded okay and not repetitive.. btw, you might have overlooked this when you were editing.. L7: "prank calls in the nigh" -should be "night" ..just curious..through this poem, you are telling people how you feel or how to feel? :)

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

thanks again

Thanks guys. I love writting but, do need a lot of help making it into something good. And I'm telling people how I felt not how theyshould feel. We all act differently when it comes to losing a loved one.

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

thanks

Thanks for that. Thanks for the help spelling just isn't my think.

arja

16 years 3 months ago

…I agree with Mona, i

...I agree with Mona, i didn't notice that earlier too...LOL! :) ..and Thanks for answering my querie Alice, I know it must have been hard writing this while reminiscing the memories...I too have lost somone, but for now I wish I had your courage to write about someone who is part of our lives and is now a memory.. write on my friend! Take care.. :)

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

Thanks

It really means alot that people like what write. It was kind of hard but, it feels great to let all the painful feelings out. Thanks and I will keep writting I really do love writting. I really like that you guys like what I'm doing. Talk to you soon I think any ways. Love, Alice

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Alice

Welcome to Neopoet .... I see the engine of improvement has already visited you I look forward to reading more from your pen kind regards Jayne-Chloe x x x

Alice Ember

16 years 3 months ago

you bet yah

I really appreciate all the help your all giving me. If you want check out my other poem called He's my hell. Thank you for all the help.And you can bet that I'll give you more to read. Love, Alice