The Yearn to Burn

The numbness in the knowledge of unfulfilment. 'I had to feel, was I still alive,' I like your work, nervous to comment on it as you are so deep sometimes. Judy

This is more metered than most of what I've read from you and has a casual, "Well, damn" flow that suits it well. Line 6 reads awkwardly. The rest of the poem's stanzas have an 8-beat/6-beat pattern in the first two lines which makes line 6 and its 8 beats seem too long. Also, I wonder about the word "bedside" in line 3. To me that conjures up a caregiver or nursemaid sitting at the bedside. Maybe "bedclothes" or something more sexual? Also, please take a look at your punctuation. I find it frustrating to read punctuation that is in error as it needlessly mars a good work. You have some great, vivid lines in here ("waxing up the memories", "all my pictures sold") and a solid, natural, masculine voice that I can easily identify as yours. Enjoyed.

I think Arrow has made some very good points. I held my breath as I read this waiting to find out if it was a close to a love poem and was able to breath at the end of the poem. This poem has a mature voice dealing with uncertainty's difficulties in a hopeful manner. I too enjoyed your poem, Richard. Brian

Kiss. ~A

Masculine, mature, realistic. Yes it is all of these things I have already read in your comments Richard. I think it is fantastic write. Acceptance, kindness, the tainted tease. It has all the elements of calm, cool and well written. Thanks for sharing your skills again Moonman. I always learn something in your words and how you lay it out. Julie D.D.

I just had to give you the 5 stars but also agree with arrow on some of his views on it. I really felt this poem as if I also felt the same way or thing a while back in my young life. Kudos Moomman Magics02 xoxoxo "Determination Brings Success"

It's been too long! But then you're work is always worth the wait and worth its weight! I really liked the fact that even in the throes of a "good relationship" there are still those existential questions we must all ask. You do it best for us!~ Thanks Boni

you were a Johnny Cash fan! I like the way you just put it out there. Just have to echo Boni, and say, You did it for me! ~ Gee P.S. You know when you get such comments from the ladies here, that you are doing something right. Can't wait to reread it, when you edit.

I always find a strong erotic under current in your poetry and a distant longing and pathos that give a sad backdrop to the images the way you hear a lone dog bark afar off in the quiet still night. It has that soothing yet lonely feel. Edit or get yelled at some more If Nina shows up you'll really feel some singed skin and smell toast. B

Hi Richard, This seems to be quite different than your usual writing style. The rhythm isn't consistent but that really doesn't detract from the piece at all. As I read it the 3rd time out loud..I almost had the feeling I was 'reading' your dream. A very warm, sensual dream, by the way. Thanks for sharing. Sue

been meaning to comment on this one for ages, as I loved your title. Some things I felt obliged to point out: - that always run in place. - In dreams I’m bold, my pictures sold, my words can make you see. The writing’s clear, but was I here and were you here for me. - I had to feel if I’m alive, but did not feel the pain, - I’m captured in your whispered voice. The last things first, the best, the worst, about you… I remain unsure. You have in you what I must need, something I can't describe, but one thing's sure, you're here again if only to steal a kiss. Just read the poem out loud, then read it again with my suggested changes, which should make for a more consistent metre. You have unstressed syllable followed by stressed syllable (or, as our proprietress would say: daDAAAdaDAAAdaDAAA), but you have broken the metre in some places. Of course, it is completely up to you whether you want to change that or not. Yours, ~Nina

I perhaps did comment On this wonderful poem Alas I don’t see my script, Perhaps someone erased it. Twas one of its own kind Perhaps someone did mind, A non poet how dares that one Comment on you Like an aura the only one Whose words of love praise And freedom do amaze, All and everyone And as I stand In the witness box, As a poet I sure am no one. LOVED

A poem filled with so much pain , it is smoulding on the page, I think we have all reached that point at one time or another , where we feel so much we can't feel anything.

Ann of Norway Rhythmically the spectre comes and goes, but no spectre there, it is the you you loved, who used to stroke your hair, she steals a kiss, and yet 'tis in your mind the sound, you live, you loose, you find it is the burden of mankind, personified. Bien fait Monsieur Richard. Love Ann.

From all the comments above I see, There's no words left at all for me. A+ Love Lyz. XX Should have gotten here earlier.