Simple things,

Thank god you found it ~!~! fucking hell girl this is one of your best to date I loved it ... brilliant write ... told you that you could do it ... Big Smile and hugs much love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

Missy Vixy, you certainly flow well, baby's found her groove. Hug. ~A

It reminds me of a caravan holiday I had many years ago. It was out of season, everything was closed, it rained, the caravan leaked, the toilet and showers were miles away, but I was with a nice guy and we gave each other a bucket bath, couldn't face the stormy weather. It was cold, so we huddled together all night and went home the next day. A holiday horror at the time, but not now, I can laugh at it now. Especially liked the bucket baths and the rub down afterwards. Rosina xena465

There's a certain genre of working class writes that call for the struggle of the people to be exposed for the challenge it is. You have done quite well here highlighting the terrible conditions our working classes live in for all the socialist rhetoric and policy that is thrown at them for their votes how crap it all is.and. Social housing is just one of a million things people could highlight whether its the N.H.S or special needs services and doing it with an authentic voice that is eloquent and poetic is really hard. You have done well here without reducing the experience to a humorless undignified drudge but with a little editing it could be a lot better. Many lines are doubled up , reiterated ;occasionally too many words describe something. I love the images and the sharing of skin scurf, the people's painter and the people 's poet collide as Vix Vettriano!! Poolside with Lifesavers in a council house. Kal

Simple things will make your good poem better.Inline: The rug is wet, small pools of rancid water squishing between my dirty toes, If i close my eyes, shut tight hard, all screwed up, I can imagine its the cool sea, the musky smell dissipates, I needed a break away any way.**These three lines are nice, and they set up the internal logic*** The last house was full of laughter, small ***del small***chubby fingered pictures, damp walls, green mold growing like it was, fed on our love, for each other. The splish splash of the puddle, could, bring angst and frustration, at the crap social housing, our populace is provided with,***del this line*** but, It doesn’t ***didn’t***change the fact of the hole, doesn’t take away the, months of stress riddled complaints, in the old flat,***del this line and the one above; too prosey, don’t add anything*** the coughs and colds in the autumn through to the spring, So instead, when i feel **my**tight smile start to crack, ***go to laugh line, del what’s between*** my face slightly contort forming rage, this deep breath i take, and with a strength dredged up from somewhere and no where, I laugh, laugh out loud, at the irony of it, I have a pool in my hall,***del this line, implied; you are telling too much, you set up the fantasy logic early on, remember?*** i call out the life guards, who will bring, wine and deck chairs, music and suncream, we will splash, share foot scurf ***surf***and dust mites till the sunrise brings moon set. ***end your poem on this line, the rest is restating everything and gets really prosey. Poem’s too long for its subject anyway*** Then a repair man will come, patch up the hole, it will be OK, all the children that drink on dreams of water, live in fabrications of food, are deafened by perfect dreams of peace, live under the ink blue and star bright shine, know not this moment of perfect ocean happiness, in my damp hall, under the glare of the sun saving energy bulb, shared in love, with summer and Jake, for we all have our fights, our stress’s our miseries, but they are relative only for today, to us, to laugh instead of get stressed, is to truly be free. I am rich.

Nice job of editing, Missy Vixy, Nicole, Kal. I love this voice. So many great phrasings, but just a couple to point out: "damp walls, green mold growing like it was," and "i feel tight smile start i to crack……" Of course... the paragraphs in which they exist... "Bloody great stuff", indeed! Yours, Anna

Bravo to all of you for the edits and suggestions really well done love and hugs Jayne-Chloe

This is a childhood gone mad the story interwoven with all those feelings would have made a book that many would read. I felt the squisy mud and the moss growing with love and many things you brought to mind, Thank you a lovely piece, Yours Ian.T