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lou
lou
Feb 17, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Terrified




I'm catatonic , in seizure, bound to my chair
shrink wrapped , contorted innards warped and distended
causing heart to expand and then shrink to walnut size

out of body, out of mind experience
head stomping a blues rhythm beat
shooting shards of pain across my universe

distorted vision, mask of normality, grinning Zombie
inner turmoil frog marching through the bowels of hell
barely tethered to sanity,need a straight jacket for the mind

i swallow and I'm back upon this earth

— lou, Feb 17, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

More from this author

Critiques

Z

zaxby

16 years 3 months ago

Terrifed

(Frog marching through hell) o.k. thats original, one hop at a time, got the drift, could use just a little more focus, worth working on.
lou

lou

16 years 3 months ago

zombies

thanks ill keep ur fear in mind haha
themoonman

themoonman

16 years 3 months ago

Hi Lou...

This really is a good first post... great language use and theme, but there seems to be something missing. I think maybe it is personality, it reads more like a list, which seems to be the way you were going with it, but if you added the personal touch it may have a more powerful affect on readers... just an idea though, it is well written already. I would lose some of the caps, but that is me. great descriptions, vivid... well done! Richard
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 3 months ago

Reminds me of the Grinch who

Reminds me of the Grinch who wouldn't give an inch until his zombie face cracked under the weight of pent-up e=motion. Welcome! ~A
lou

lou

16 years 3 months ago

Grinch

nice analogy
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 3 months ago

Terrified...

Sorry it took me so long to get around to read this, but I have had a couple of rough days. I like what I think you were going for, but like the rest of the people that have commented, feel like it lacks the personal feel. You seem to have a good descriptive manner, and I think you can use this to your advantage in your work. I look forward to your work here, and your friendship. ~ Geezer
lou

lou

16 years 3 months ago

personality

Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem, I found your comments helpful. I will work on adding the personal touch. I look forward to reading your work, and will try and be constructive. I look forward to friendship with you and Neopoet members. - Lou
arja

arja

16 years 3 months ago

..eiy, great

..eiy, great improvement..this is more closer now than before, and its effect is far more lingering (for me)... nice read!
A

anonymous1

16 years 2 months ago

best description

That's the best description of a panic attack I've read. The third stanza nails it. The last line, the obvious remedy for anxiety, swallow or breathe, is so wonderfully understated. That's what I got out of it anyway. Lisa
lou

lou

16 years 2 months ago

Hi

Thank you im glad you liked it