Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

O
Orphani
Feb 09, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

woman of the strawberries

woman of the strawberries

sunlight kneels with you

to the promise of the bent grass

baskets fill with your  children

i dare not write such delicacies

as tomorrow
 

Bullwinkle,  and Bukowsky"s

blackened stars are these as
 
love falls before your body's wound
 
of nakedness

shedding shells of  turtle lovers

your slipper-ed lady enclosed in a lone flower

　

Morning comes with tulips laughing together

as round as  worms inching  low across the wood to die

when our eyes meet that moment forever

stepping over lifeless things as memories

into the berry red day

— Orphani, Feb 09, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

More from this author

Critiques

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

16 years 4 months ago

Hey Orphani

I generally never comment on or critique a poem that the author doesn't want the raw truth about. But this has so much promise I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I love the basket image of the first stanza, coupled with her as strawberries, and followed by the last two lines. There is a welter of implication and meaning here that is awesome. Absolutely awesome. I had a hard time with "sunlight knees you" though. Seems kind of violent, to me, which doesn't gel with the rest of the stanza. I get the Bullwinkle and Bukowski references. Most casual readers would not. Well, Bullwinkle, OK, maybe they would if they were Americans like us, lol, but probably not Bukowski. I think that removing those references would heighten the timelessness and sense of eternity that the rest of the stanza already possesses. And this would flow so well into the last stanza, which I cannot fault at all. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

I didn’t realise that the

I didn't realise that the raw truth sign was not indicated as that is the way I expect my poetry to be answered. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.Bullwinkel and bukowsky are personal to the poets imagery but I will consider your other suggestions.I sincerly appreciate your feed back Jim. B
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

Missed you my friend and

Missed you my friend and need to get back to see what youv'e been up to. Thanks for the visit. B
O

Orphani

16 years 3 months ago

As beauty inspires beauty, I

As beauty inspires beauty, I become a dim reflection dear Jayne. These lines have personal meaning for Anna and so for me also. Thank you so much for reading. Love B