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sharon-rose
Feb 09, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Political Rhetoric-Mending Damaged Lives.

Your life is damaged,
Get out of here,
You've had your chance,
Now disappear.

You cheated,
Lied,
And killed your wife,
Stay in that cell,
and lose your life.

I'm interested in helping those,
Who've got a hope,
Not some parasite,
Hooked on dope.

My model of perfection,
Lies,
In saving those,
Who've had no tries.

I'll mend their broken homes,
And dreams,
And use my thread to stitch,
Ripped seams....



— sharon-rose, Feb 09, 2010

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DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 4 months ago

I loved that Sharon Rose, I

I loved that Sharon Rose, I wouldn't change a thing. But I was left wanting more.... Maybe consider it? Drugs.... Stupidity.... Politics... Lost causes. Maybe something about lost or not lost causes. Yes I liked your poem! Thank you for sharing!! Julie D.D.
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sharon-rose

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks Julie

Thank-you so much for your comments D.D. Politicians say so much about helping all those less fortunate than ourselves etc.But at the end of the day those who have committed crimes really and truly have very little in the way of tools to recontruct their lives after serving time in prison.Their existence-past,present and future is tarnished and torn.What choice do they have but to descend into a life of crime that breeds more crime.If society continues to turn its back on them,it is condemning all parts of its whole to suffer,both as victims and perpetrators of crime.. I'll have a think about writing more on the subjects you suggested.Thanks again.
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Imo, there are too many

Imo, there are too many unnecessary commas. I have *family*, friends who work bringing poetry, art, *enlightenment* into prisons. There by the grace of God, go I. Thank you. ~A
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sharon-rose

16 years 4 months ago

IMO

I like the abbreviation-sounds important,like a UN organisation or something..Thanks Anna!
xena465

xena465

16 years 4 months ago

Prison...

I agree that prison can bring out the worst, even in the nicest of people who perhaps commited a one time crime and end up falling foul to prison life in order to survive. They are the ones I feel sorry for. Then there's the criminal who's evil to the core...and in saying that, they become more evil the more time they spend in prison and it's usually them that kill the goodness in a kind person that's done wrong only once, or the innocent found guilty, who shouldn't be there, suffer the consequences of prison life. Love this poem and your passion for justice. Rosina xena465
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sharon-rose

16 years 4 months ago

What a true analysis

Thanks Rosina-what you wrote is so true.It sums up precisely what goes on in the prison culture.I wish there was a better answer than prison,because I think it does destroy the good,as you say,in those who are wrongly convicted,or else drag down those who've committed more minor crimes.Please,please write more about your own thoughts.
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Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Hey,A few of us on here are

Hey, A few of us on here are going to put together a collection of work on this subject with a view to publish, are you interested? vix Optimism in adversity nutures positive outcomes
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sharon-rose

16 years 4 months ago

Optimistic

Thanks for your comment Vix.Definitely interested in expressing my own views on this subject in the sincere hope that it could make any sort of a difference..so keep me posted..
xena465

xena465

16 years 4 months ago

Yes...

In what way can I add to your collection? Do you mean like writing a poem? Rosina xena465
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sharon-rose

16 years 4 months ago

Hi Rosina

I get the feeling that you have alot to say on this subject and that you should write about it,in whatever form be it poetry or prose.Your writing is succinct and sums up the truth of the situation..
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I have a poem about drinking...

It's about a boy who kills his father while really drunk, and ends up in jail not remembering anything. It needs a lot of work, as I wrote it 15 years or so ago. I'm not good at short or long storys. I like telling a story in poetry, you know, ones that can follow through from beginning to end and try to get the picture of it across without great detail, which is why I don't write stories and love poetry. Rosina xena465
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sharon-rose

16 years 3 months ago

I'd love to see the poem..

I'd love to see your poem.The detail doesn't need to be great-just sketch out the ideas.Poetry is like abstract art-afew lines,shapes,colours and the emotion can be conveyed..I look forward to seeing it.
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

Guilty Innocent

Guilty? Innocent? `What do they know, stop and think`? He killed his father and blamed the drink. The crime was the killing the drink was the crime, society is to blame but who does the time? On his own, in the pub one night, depressed, snorting like a bull, gearing to fight. In the corner and drinking was his dad too, a father intoxicated on special brew. He finally went home, drunk as a skunk. his father was at home, also drunk. With no recall of the night before, his father lay dead, slumped on the floor. In the murky darkness of a prison cell, living a nightmare condemned to Hell. With eyes lifeless, staring into space, his thoughts crippled with his fathers face. Interrupting his thoughts, the rattle of keys, with realisation he fell to his knees. Beating with a baton, kicked like a mule, subjected to abuse like a lackey’s stool. Imprisoned, degraded, was never meant, kind when sober, he was an innocent. Is he to blame, when on the brink? Was it in his nature, or just…the drink? I've only just edit this one now. It was quite a long one that I cut short and tried to fix the flow that was lacking in the original. It may need me to read it over a few times, but this is the main theme of the poem I told you about. What do you think? Rosina xena4365
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sharon-rose

16 years 3 months ago

Here goes

Hi Rosina-I'll tell you what I think,but poetry is very personal and obviously has to feel right to you..The title could be something like Open Verdict,just an idea..First verse-Society's rather than society is,so that it scans better..second verse-I'm not sure if gearing to fight could be said slightly differently;in the opposite corner,inebriated too..3rd verse-not sure about the 2nd line,but I think it needs to be altered,5th verse-beaten with batons..just some ideas..see what you think,but as I said before I think it's a powerful piece of writing...
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

What do you think?

Open Verdict `What do they know, stop and think`? He killed his father and blamed the drink. The crime was the killing the drink was the crime, Society’s to blame but who does the time? Drinking alone in the pub one night, snorting like a bull, inebriated to fight. Mortified by his dad yelling, `ye ha, yahoo`, a father intoxicated on special brew. Finally at home intoxicated and hazy, his father was galling, driving him crazy. With no recall of the night before, his father lay dead, slumped on the floor. In the murky darkness of a prison cell, living a nightmare condemned to Hell. With eyes lifeless, staring into space, his thoughts crippled with his fathers face. Interrupting his thoughts, the rattle of keys, with realisation he fell to his knees. Beaten with batons, kicked like a mule, subjected to abuse like a lackey’s stool. Imprisoned, degraded, was never meant, kind when sober, he was an innocent. Is he to blame, when on the brink? Was it in his nature, or just…the drink? I believe this is so much better to read. Thank you Sharon. If the changes are still wrong then just let me know. If it's fine the way it is, I'll post it tomorrow afternoon, as I've already posted one for today. Rosina xena465
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sharon-rose

16 years 3 months ago

Open Verdict

Hi Rosina-these changes are good..only one small point-'yahoo',yahoo has become inextricably linked with the famous yahoo,and for that reason I feel personally that it detracts abit from the poem..I would use a different word here..look forward to seeing it tomorrow!!
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sharon-rose

16 years 3 months ago

Amazing

I think this poem is amazing.There are afew bits that need tweaking just to keep it flowing and avoid repetition,but these changes are just cosmetic..there are some stanzas in this poem that are sheer perfection.This is far better than any eminem song-it would suit being made into rap music.What a story,what emotion.I just love it.Well done.I think you're a very talented writer.Let me know if you'd like me to comment on the few words you might consider altering..
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I'd really apreciate that...

if you would do this for me. If I try, I may spoil it. You can probably see things wrong that I can't. So please do. Thanks so much for everything. Rosina xena465