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Complimentary Breakfast

When a girl dies young and white
And with her body still hemmed,
She is not ready.

She has never taken off her body before.

She cannot unclasp her hands,
She cannot unlace her fingers
Her skin snags on the jut of her breath.....
And will not fall.

Finally, the hatchet blue takes her
And skims her like cream.

~

When a girl dies old and hand-embroidered,
She understands.

She lets her body slip off herself 
Like a long silk dress
And it pools around her feet,
She steps out of it and walks forward.

The hatchet blue does not touch her.

~

Your loneliness is always with you,
I know......
It is bone
Somewhere between your mouth and your kiss.




— Diatom Shells, Feb 07, 2010

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Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

And I have missed you. You

And I have missed you. You have inspired me this morning. There are few people, poets included who are so deep into their bodies (of awareness) as you are, Diatom. Most of us live inside our thoughts and have never even once touched *holy* ground. Thank you for returning, I almost gave up had it not been for this poem. Love, Anna
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

...

Aw shucks (blushes) you always knew how to make a girl beam, thank you hunny bunches I have missed you as well this coming from the bottom of my pillowy heart mmmmuah! *gives smooches*
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

One has to die and separate

One has to die and separate from every vestige of the familiar.Then return in a separate new self in which all is a new discovery. Your poetry reflects this with a sensuous gentle flow of imagery. B
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

And that familiar is a separate piece of us. Thanks for reading it well.
S

Stefan

16 years 4 months ago

Hi

Wow, great work..............understanding the nature of man. Well written, easy on the mind and spirit.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

Thank you, I always envisioned really cheap croissants when entering this phase of life and being.
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

16 years 4 months ago

Breakfast

Welcome my friend Seperation not just of the physical self. To me the seperation of the heart and soul and all the inbetween. Awesome my friend Electric blue
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

It's whats in between that melts with heat huh? Thank you :)
L

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Great use of mataphor and

Great use of mataphor and flow, a sensitive write that is thought provoking vix Optimism in adversity nutures positive outcomes
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

Thank you deary I love metaphors I think my finger is made up of one.
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Shells

Where the hell have you been !~!~! my god girl you always inspire me I came into have a peek and found you back what a nice surprise and your poem ~~!! this one hits bone and deeper for me brilliant write you are an amazing writer ... dont stay away so long I miss you (hugs) love Jayne-Chloe
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

I have been dealing with a lot of life's issues but have returned a greater being hopefully with better writes *fingers crossed* I am glad inspiration has found its way to you through this tasty piece. Happy to be back hope I can stop in a little more often I think I may take less classes next term but it gets addicting, learning and all, tehe.
P

Polya

16 years 4 months ago

Hmmm...

I really enjoyed your imagery, the enjambment of white to cream and then to blue and back was beautiful. I especially liked the last three lines, the rawness of bone really serves to make the imagery stand out and also to remind us of our physical chains. I liked it.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

I think my bones may need a little calcium though. Happy writing and thanks for stopping to read me. Oops I think I may have forgotten to get dressed this morning look at me running around neo all naked shame on me!
B

bjp

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Diatom Shells,

Oh, imperator of the image, oh, anti-mephistopheles of the metaphor, wait we shall, if but the harvest bounty has promise of return! This is just another of your knock'em together pieces, which is to say, enormously good. It goes right to the Great Poetry series! There is one, just one, superfluous word: "Finally." Terrific work. Brian
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

Brian!!!

Hello dear I have you missed your love and thank you for acknowledging my little children starving on the side of the rode I hope to feed them more. I thank you for making a great poetry series it is fun to read and I am honored to be among those I admire. Hope you are well. *kisses*
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

Hey you

How I have missed my friends. I am happy you liked this one hopefully inspiration will flow a little more often for me.
whitetea

whitetea

16 years 4 months ago

Nice observations, very

Nice observations, very true. The older some get the more they can understand the value of death or the reality of it at least.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

So true

I feel death is a two-sided demon, one is beautiful and the other is grotesque. With the latter being the better of the two in regards to getting the hell out of here.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

Thank you I will gladly accept your comment and put it in my pocket to snack on later.
A

anonymous1

16 years 4 months ago

I love this poem

Thank you for writing it. Lisa
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 4 months ago

.

Your welcome I am thankful she let me write her.
NM

Nicole Michaels

16 years 3 months ago

Crit

The relevance of the title escapes me. Nicely balanced poem in the first two stanzas, well-wrought. The third stanza doesn't belong in my reading.
DS

Diatom Shells

16 years 3 months ago

Hello

For the title I think of it as when you die you will enter into whatever eternity you believe in with a complimentary breakfast awaiting you.