Tea time

YUM! When you're hot, you're hot! Wink. ~A "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine

Mark "some things change, some things do not"

Here's one point of view: The sky is a fun place to put a poem. Lots of ways to get it done. I like your use of tea time imagery and your whopping cosmic scone scene here. Wonderful. The playful tone is fitting. A few language crits, shown inline, reasons explained here. Consider changing every line to a more active tense since there is action in the poem "fingers," not "fingered." Words like "it" are hard to manipulate poetically, more like spoken language, prose, directions. Rephrase or enjamb the third line so it doesn't end stop the line again. Chocolate chilly fingered the sun ***chilly or chili?*** burnt mustard streaked for it orange marmalade dripped into it***move "into it" to next line or rephrase creating a quivering mass of segments***rephrase in your own words, so it doesn't read like a science text or a recipe. I don't like the word segments here unless you are trying to set up some tension, because I see more of a blending going on dramatically speaking.*** vibrating ambivalently above;***del or give the ambivalence more context (show); I don't see the ambivalence (telling)*** the sweet vanilla sugar moon ***del "the" caressed by violet cream whilst burnt coffee stroked***del whilst*** blueberry tickled with whispers***GREAT LINE! I want more!*** all the while beings of the twilight tasted each other***del "all the while" ***add another line exploring the consequence of the tasting; what happened then?Make it up, if you didn't see it in a sky you were describing. Who brought the silver service? Poured the tea? Stole a biscuit? Burped into a napkin?*** It is challenging to write remembering we have more than sight and occasionally smell. You remembered touch and taste. Great! Are there other senses you can incorporate in a re-vision-ing? Sense you are setting up a blending of elements, you can better blend the mechanics of the poem by using more enjambment instead of a series of end-stopped lines. That way, the form better supports the subject. Read your drafts outloud: What problems or strengths surface? One more suggestion: A poem like this one is fun for kids, and when you write with kids in mind, it makes you playful and creative. A good voice to explore. Thanks for the read.