Something found

I especially like this little gem of a poem it is so innocent and yet deep beneath its simplicity I do hope you will do something with it to make it SING to us as its nearly there. "And make her again whole" and again make her whole? "For the found take comfort In favour that’s to come In knowing forever Of your chosen one".........Something worries me about this verse. For found she takes comfort I favours to come In knowing forever..............being forever/ feeling forever the chosen one I don't know but I think the rhythm as well as the meaning could be given a slightly new way of putting this, you wise looking man with a beard. From a beardless old lady Ann.

I didnt have a problem with the verse Ann did but had a small tweak that may help another lol Time is but a moment And nothing to fear We long for belonging(we long to belong) And shed a lost tear thats the only suggestion I would make for this one and it really is close to being a prayer love and hugs Jayne-Chloe

This is a great and touching ditty that could be sung by a choir as a hymn... Love the sentiments and the caring tone and it is laced with loving and flowing continuity! Have to agree with some of the comments above though just to aid the flow, minor touches you understand, the line "And Make Her Again Whole" I would use soemthing like "To Again Make Her Whole" as the english doesn't quite feel right in the passage, I don't think there is anything wrong with your last stanza what so ever and I think it a brilliant way to end, Jayne's suggestion is good also but in rhythmatic I actually think your way of putting it is better as it has a superb rhyming flow (Sorry Jayne! :) and it still conveys what you mean to say. Excellent sweet mellow melody here Stuart, loved the fact I could hum along with this one! Dale :)

Its only the rhythm of the last verse I had to re read to flow my thoughts. But its beautiful, succinct and totally charming oh wise smiling one! But Superman was a SUDDEN change of disguise, wow what poetry are we to expect from the man represented by him do you think? Are you here revealing your true colours or...? Need to be a sort of S-man here as the temp is -13%C and I woke up in +9%C indoors, so on with the layers of wool, but if its hot, as it was where we visited last night then its so uncomfortable the mind freezes instead! Never satisfied are we? Fly on on your tears with laughter, love from Ann of Norway