loved

Feb 02, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Your Chilled Silence

Your chilled silence

Your silence chills me

To the very bones

You know my bones are brittle

If you remain silent so

My bony skeleton will rattle.

When the rattling

Is heard all around,

There will be so much

Of resounding sound,

You will know

As would others too

The way others’ could surely

Be deceived by you.

I am not here to steal your love

I am here only to seal your love

What pains my palpitating heart?

You take love as only an erotic art

I read your poems and at times

Have a miserable lonely feeling

Under your spell girls are reeling.

Don’t worry I’ll not come to your side

When with some really special one

You’re going out for a long ride.

I will know you’re steeling

Your lips at places

Leaving behind no likely traces

Where mine were being

Once sealed like glue

Never mind my love

Twill show out to be true.

When you have had

A swift fling or maybe two

Despite you knew that I knew,

Still I’ll be searching

My heart throbs in you.

— loved, Feb 02, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: ROU

Critiques

themoonman

16 years 4 months ago

Loved...

Hi, I like this poem, but... there are a few spots which I felt could be smoother, I hope you don't mind me pointing out what I'm speaking of. Your silence chills me, to the very bone, (felt this could be more inventive) you know my bones are brittle. (great line) If you remain silent (so) (I'd omit "so") my (bony) skeleton will rattle (instead of bony, be more descriptive, fragile, broken, splintered... etc, without being repetitive) In the second verse, the second use of "others" could be more affective as "they"... maybe, what do you think? twill show out to be true will prove to be true just some suggestions, thanks for posting. Richard

loved

16 years 4 months ago

grateful

ur very nice and kind will comply and thanks to u for devoting so much time thanks a great deal one for the poet, like me THERE IS TOO MUCH RESTRICTION OF POSTING HERE I FEEL STIFFLEDONLY ONE A DAY I WRITE ALMOST 7 BEING JOBLESS Compose Poetry I only write poetry With computer help I say The lappy grammatizes. That easy Simple too Good article Written article Have you’ Now copy this And feed to lappy and see Then repost it to me 100/100 you will get You will see Forget All about your English nativity

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

well there are some great

well there are some great lines here, I like may of them, i feel that some parts are slightly jumbled, maybe have a think about your intended messege then read out loud to your self, see what flows easily and what you stumble over, then see if you want to tweak those parts. Richard knows more about stanza set out than me, so he's the man to listen to ; ) vix Optimism in adversity nutures positive outcomes

loved

16 years 4 months ago

THANKS A GREAT DEAL

MY THANKS REGARDS AND BEST WISHES TO U A world citizen, Thanks a world’s perceptive Citizen to be, Thanks for your generosity, Sir my regards for thee. I mix Victorian, Shakespearean With modern and futuristic style And merge as one. I call myself a world’s citizen Upon my wish And your blessings some day, One day, We all will be world citizens As aliens will come And we together shall have To face them all as one. So be it, Friends I am one of you, No not alien But a world citizen Come hold my hands All of you Will you.