One Day The Sun Will Set

A line perfect in simplicity and punch. is the inversion necessary in- He only will bring me pain, He will only bring me pain,? The most beautiful Goddess of all. is a weak ending. What does "beautiful" really say? I am sure you can find a better ending to a fine tribute that seems to have sub-textual layers I don't wish to comment on. Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

Really well written ,.. just have one suggestion ... when you are describing them(poems-things) ... you know when you look at something and the most innane things come into your head like .. that strawberry is shaped like a heart just an example and a bad one at that lol but still pull your own thoughts and make these stories your own ... you have the ability I know how hard it is with kids lol four kids of my own tell that tail ... but seriously a good write ... I would love to see you start experimenting with different words this ones a start there were a few newies for you but I think you could push your poetry up another notch just by seeing the different in the mundane love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible

Compelling and beguiling, with lots of poetic charm! Good job!

Lonnie said it right, its rhythm occasionally has its slight hesitations here and there; maybe what I am saying is similar to what Jayne wants here, some experimenting; and if you were to forget the rhyming and make if flow on its own course, the rhymes will come within the text and create that part of the rhythm, while you will not be bound to a rule which can sometimes become a slight burden. That's what I feel about this one Greeneyes. Love to you from Ann of Norway.

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This is breath-taking, with a very soothing touch, and a very graceful flow. I always think of a Tapestry...when all the words weave themselves together like threads, to create a beautiful picture. Exquisite poem, Green Eyes. Love, Raven

Awww this is really lovely Loved mother moon as if she were my own and to have her shade me from the heat and how its written is just sooo nice... I too appreciate when day ceases and night time comes around Really nice poem Greeneyes best regards Stu :-)

Queen of the night:- Your love story with the moon. You lovely lady of the night, your moon guides you soothes you and catches you when you fall. Her cool moonbeams are your saving grace. How we love the moon, she reflecting the sun in a seemingly gentle manner, enough to light the path of the animals of night and the hoot of the owl sets its music to the hours. As always you take us into magic places and weave your fairy-tale like story for us, I have a few slight thoughts here about it, and send them with my love, Ann of Norway. "That I can barely see."........not happy with this! "Her loves brings eternal bliss,"..........loveS who are they? "Breathe in,...............not fond of a comma here there is move flow without it, we breath with it.
 The sweet night air," "Take away my every care"...........perhaps an And take away.. for the rhythm? "I can feel me go insane".........not perfectly happy with this sentence! "But when my hero",...."She  wraps her arms," heroine? "Gone is my disgrace".............an unusual meaning, disgrace!! "I will no longer have to face the day"...suddenly dour.

Hi beautiful! Some changes, use or not, The sun punishes. I feel the torment bright rays burn my skin I can barely see the life is sucked from me Mother moon, I pray for relief, You wrap me in your arms with eternal bliss, Your love in my soul, like a tender kiss You get the idea for the rest of the poem? Some thoughts can be combined. Hugs, Anna