doorman

Feb 01, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I see you

Through your squinting slits of lies

With those pursed lips, feebly

shading hand

You have my world in your sight

Your eyes mirror a light where

shapes of words, truths are a fleeting

glimpse and running wild, hidden,-

Revealing brilliant rays of a

flickering son's right

— doorman, Feb 01, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: NOR

Critiques

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Wow, dark poem, brilliant

Wow, dark poem, brilliant language use! vix

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Dear madam

Thanks for reading, and the compliment, of course. Regards, Espen.

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Good of you to drop by,

Good of you to drop by, Kali. Glad you liked it. Espen.

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Ahhh. Such complexity in simplicity, this baring and paring down. Nomination, guaranteed. ~A "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Dearest Anna

Your attention is highly appreciated, as always. This write is dedicated to my father,- a well of dark water. It has always perplexed me why some people in decline just wish to drag everything down with them. There's a certain vanity to it that I find quite chilling. Thanks again for reading. Yours, Espen.

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

A very important caveat

A very important caveat here, Espen. Having worked as a Realtor and then a caregiver... I am quite intimate with the wish to *drag everything down with them*. Some folks don't know better, others can't help it, still others had no clue before during and after the beginning let alone the ending. In a class on Thanatology I took years ago, I learned that people die as they have lived. ~A "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Anna

I think that last part is what keeps my old man awake at night. Nevertheless,- food for thought. Shanti, Espen.

themoonman

16 years 4 months ago

Doorman...

Great poem! This has to be the most eloquent way of saying I've been there, I know you, I see you Son and one day... unless I've taken something different than your intent?

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you for asking. I

Thank you for asking. I think you definitely could read it that way. I don't have kids of my own, but I can see now that the intent can be reversed, my own family issues put aside. Respectfully, Espen.

Race_9togo

16 years 4 months ago

Doorman

"Truths is"...I stumbled here, should "is" be are"? This is an excellent piece. There's an element of "letting go" here, to me, the sense that the father has opened his hand because he knows he can no longer protect a child grown into a man, soon to take the world head-on. And its that moment when he realizes what he must do, and what he must convey to his child, as his son begins to shine. Great stuff Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Grammar can get the better

Grammar can get the better of me at times. Thanks for pointing out the mistake, Jim. In essence, your view is the same as mine. Though my personal motive is somewhat darker, I'm glad you emphasized the more hopeful aspects of this write. I didn't see that coming. Thanks for reading. All the best, Espen.

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

I didn’t want to comment

I didn't want to comment to much before as i thought this a very personal piece, but i got the impression it was a piece about a very negative relationship. Someone once told me that emotional vampire is a good word for people that drag us down, although true, it is also good to see how our strengths of character have developed through our negative experiences, well done for a brilliant write..

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Vix

Don't worry about treading softly here. I'm honored that you saw something the write wished you to see. Emotional hardship makes one grow, indeed. Best regards, Espen.

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Espen ~!~!

this is a breathtakingly dark write ... so glad I popped in tonight to see what everyones been writing ... this is your best in my opinion ... love and hugs Jayne x x x

doorman

16 years 4 months ago

Sweet Jayne

You've kept a generous eye on my work from the start, so I'll give a smile and say thank you for popping by yet again. Glad you liked it. Yours, Espen

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Just thought I’d pop back

Just thought I'd pop back in. Lately, I've been waking up from dreams of my parents. My mom died in '84 and dad '03. We had made peace along the way, especially during their last months before death. When my mom died, I felt absolute love released, so thick you can cut it with a knife--everyone in the room felt it. I was alone with my dad, and I felt that absolute peace that he/we never found while he was alive--he suffered from bipolar. In my dreams of late, I awaken to a distinct sadness and sorrow, I'm with my mom again, and I want to tell her I understand all the years of her illness, anger and frustration; and this morning I awakened with wanting to tell my dad how much I want him to know I understand his fatigue, in his daily grind of hard work, his depressions and his mania--how they must have taken its toll. What I'm trying to say here dear Espen, is that when they're gone what we're left with is what we need to complete. (There's always a little more.) Maybe your dad is waiting. Is there something that needs to be said? In a kinder and gentler way, something that needs to be finished? Tell him your hurts and tell him you wish it could have been different and then find at least one thing that he did *right* and thank him for it? (For me it was my dad's indefatigable humor) Love, Anna "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine

ziggy

16 years 4 months ago

hi

hi great compact wording as always your words a joy to read a nice dedication also ,ty ,,,,,,,ziggy.....