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L
Lunegirl
Jan 23, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Boy Men

Entangled waters bathe and breach
pebble and path alike
fish skim and skirt algea beds
lacing fresh patterns onto my foot.

cold aqua beads thread goose flesh ankles
soaking razored jean cutoffs
wrinkled hands grip mesh and pole
in hope of evening supper

giggles bubble forth from sun scorched lips
salt tassled hair and smile tired eyes,
tap tap the drum hide
indian fire chants

Orions plow brightly celebrates
igniting festive frolicks
boys come to man
bellies full and fed.



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B

bjp

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Vicki,

And very good practice it is too. Lovely. Brian
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

I always write in rhyme

Ever since I was very young, like your mum, I write in rhyme. I find that I can best explore my themes this way and is easy for all to read. I enjoyed this peom very much, I can imagine the activity in all verses and gives me a peaceful feeling. I'm new to Neopoet and don't have many friends to share my work with. Most of the ones I have write in a very differnt stylefrom me so I guess it's hard for them to comment on my poems. Cheers to your mum for inspiring you to write poety as it can bring great pleasure to write and to read others too. xena465
L

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

Hello!!

Welcome to Neo, you will have lots of readers here to red your work! Im fairly new to, but i've had lots of help in feedback and Im sure you will love the variety of work on here. I will have a read later of your posting. I used to write in rhyme to, Im sure you will love this site, vix ; )
xena465

xena465

16 years 3 months ago

Hello too

I'd much appreciate any comments you make on my work. Thanks vix xena
kaligantsaros

kaligantsaros

16 years 3 months ago

And not a bad bit of practice it is..

Very nice Vicky , tastefully atmospheric , deliciously light and deft in touch , full of briny familiarity and sandy fires. I love this. Great stuff. Orion 's plow I think is correct with regards to the stars but I am not sure. Kal
L

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

Hey Kal,Glad you liked ; )

Hey Kal, Glad you liked ; ) very different from other bits er ; ). I will have a look at the plow/plough spelling vix ; )
Seren

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

Dear Vix

Lovely write,I am enjoying watching you practice,its like watching a picture being painted ;)we havent got the full picture yet not by a long shot but I feel you stretching and thats brilliant ... you have to take risks to improve and I see you doing it daily love and biggest hugs Jayne x x x
L

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

afterNoon Jayne,It felt nice

afterNoon Jayne, It felt nice to write a ''feel good'' piece! It does feel stretching to write things that don't pop into my head lol love vix ; )
L

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

Hey Kelsey,all feedback is

Hey Kelsey, all feedback is welcome, and all you have pointed out is right ; ), im glad you liked the poem, Im going to rethink the title, not sure what to yet though, thanks vix ; )