Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

into the abyss

into the abyss
illusions in night's brocade

tourmaline and snow
your mockingbird lips
singing
fierce grace

if we found each other in a poem
would we need a syllabus to
understand how the scent of
us came suddenly
like the trill of a songbird?

would we hasten time
into the deforestation of our impertinent civilization?
the life we share in the aftermath
when all paths must part--
having gone through
victories and inconsequentialities
in keys and locks, whispers
dark scars and kisses renounced
for ravaging testaments of fear--
in the deepest trench of oceans and the
stench of life's decay?

if we only have now to trace the images
in our mind, to swallow the sweat and
tears of a life lived in the awe of us,
do we cross the line to immortality?

the rain is gentle sometimes and floods
a holy desire: two spirits seeking flesh
to hold, plunge deeply
into one. 



— Kailashana, Jan 25, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

More from this author

Critiques

B

bjp

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Anna,

A great poem. With the squirming poignancy of a pickerel near the surface. The neatness of the last three words is a pleasantry unnecessary. Consider their abstinence. Brian
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

O, my Brian, “consider

O, my Brian, "consider their abstinence" sounds so...........double entendre. I was doubtful however, and will *sleep on it*, so to speak. ~A If I remove those 3 little words will you give me 5 stars? ;-) "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
B

bjp

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Anna,

That was the plan. But I don't like to hold it out so blatantly since that seems to suggest enducement or compulsion via reward rather than merely reflective of my opinions at different stages. Brian
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

With the squirming poignancy

With the squirming poignancy of a pickerel near the surface. Brian you killed me with that metaphor. If ever there was a discription that that had more visual weight then that I haven't heard it, but of course I fish. Hats off old man. B
Ross Hamilton Hill

Ross Hamilton Hill

16 years 4 months ago

becomes too dense in the

becomes too dense in the middle section, also syllabuses don't explain poems, the rain is gentle sometimes and floods a holy desire: this is beautiful, your poem works best when you use images to transmit your feelings to us, when it becomes abstract eg the deforestation of our impertinent civilization? then it degenerates into prose even though you maintain your rhythm. agree that the last 3 words are redundant. An intelligent poem, deserves to be carefully read, which i did with pleasure.
Ross Hamilton Hill

Ross Hamilton Hill

16 years 4 months ago

your poem

becomes too dense in the middle section, also syllabuses don't explain poems, the rain is gentle sometimes and floods a holy desire: this is beautiful, your poem works best when you use images to transmit your feelings to us, when it becomes abstract eg the deforestation of our impertinent civilization? then it degenerates into prose even though you maintain your rhythm. agree that the last 3 words are redundant. An intelligent poem, deserves to be carefully read, which i did with pleasure.
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 4 months ago

Bravo. Standing in applause.

Rich and filled with beautiful imagery. I am with Brian above, you do not need those last three words. The title says it all. Such a tiny fix for this beautifully exciting work. "if we only have now to trace the images in our mind, to swallow the sweat and tears of a life lived in the awe of us, do we cross the line to immortality? " I loved this question. I brought me to a higher level of understanding, a place where what stands today matters for all eternity - if we take that one chance, will it change our destiny? Ahh the what-if's wrapped up within "choice". Exceptional work here poetess. I am so pleased to have read this one today. Bravo. Standing in applause. ~Pamela
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you for understanding

Thank you for understanding the poem, Pamela. Sometimes, imo, the fe/male is wrapped up in the inquiring mind--too constrained in the mental acrobats of poetry instead of dancing with their feelings, making love with the poet in that moment *captured*. That's why I, though I rage against it, can only fall in love with a poet. And there you have it. I'm going to sleep on the last three words. To me it is the alpha and the omega of the poem. Choice? Is there such a thing, really? I imagine if there is, it is wrapped up in complete choicelessness. Hugs, Anna "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you for your

Thank you for your thoughtful digest of my poem. Again, to fully understand some poetry, the reader has to become strange bedfellows with the poet. Indeed a syllabus will never explain a poem.. Hence my point. And the middle is an *image of MINE* from a poem written by the great Rainer Maria Rilke ~ Dear Darkening Ground. this stanza to be exact: "before you become forest again, and widening wilderness in that hour of inconceivable terror when you take back your name from all things." See, there is method to my madness, and poetry isn't about understanding every sentence of a poem, it's about getting into the *skin* of the poet. See what I mean? Thanks again, Anna Th"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

I bow to the grace of your

I bow to the grace of your delicate, gentle, heart; from which you send your joys to nest among the prettiest flowers. Who am I that such a honey should fill my eyes and make me a cub longing for the, den of your eyes and the silence of your arms.Though there is no abyss,Only the dawn. we
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Hi Barry, I said I

Hi Barry, I said I wouldn't do. But I am. Falling in love with another poet. O WOE IS ME! Thank you for reading darling, and no bows are necessary. Just start with my feet...no need to kiss the ground I walk on. lol. http://www.sound-effect.com/sounds1/human/kiss.wav We/oui "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 4 months ago

How can you not?

I have resigned myself to understand that a poet is the only person I can fall in love with so - I am in love with a poet. *smile*
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

love and poetry are the

love and poetry are the essence of your being you could never truely be one with someone who didn't share that passion and love in your life.You are a poem meant for a poet.It's that simple w
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Mum

I read of a consuming love ... A love that needs no explanation ... just a hunger and need to take what you can while you can ... spiraling into the Abyss ... that gentle rain at the end I could see circling a hole and pushing the two down together ... much like the essence of love cocooning the two love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Ok, guys thanks for your

Ok, guys thanks for your help, I slept on it and you are right. Love to All, Anna "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

Yeah, I know exactly how big

Yeah, I know exactly how big red felt. My Gran had a mouth as sharp as an axe she used to get me into a poker game, and she never lost(she cheated)She never had to axe the chickens. They cut their own heads off when they saw her coming, and man was she frugal. After she showered, she would do her washing in the same water, and then take it out to the garden and throw it on the tomatoes. I always passed on the salad. B
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

And you will always bring a

And you will always bring a much needed smile to my face. Laughter and rotten tomatoes, lovingly squashed on my nose, like a clown's red bulb. I'm sure. ~A "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

Well I’m glad it brought a

Well I'm glad it brought a smile, but it belongs on Lyzes poem "supper" a tecknical foul up oops.I'm sorry about that. love w
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 4 months ago

A life of experience brandished in sweet sweaty tears.

I read the implied metaphors that are not even expressed, but there as plain as day in the intimation of meanings, I plunge into the poem with poetic fervour and am rewarded with its richness, a life of experience brandished in sweet sweaty tears. I too felt the same disappointment at the last lines expecting somethings more momentous and it wasn't. You are only you Anna my sister. Ann with her love.
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

16 years 4 months ago

Into the abyss

Anna The last two stanza's seem to reach me the most. I could only love a person who shares the passion for poetry and music. Love does not need explanation but to share the hunger it would have to be the poet. He is poetry in motion I found this a powerful write great imagery foretold my dear friend Electric Blue