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revelations as stars fall

poking and prodding
you pushed,
till limits had no meaning

all this you did,
with a comprehension
that I was found,
but thought I was still wanting

beyond our stage,
there was a deeper measure
being poured

I saw as the cup
consumed,
but could never see
what was poured,
my curiosity blinded me
I had gotten too close
to your mystery

even when we fought
I loathed every clash

it was when your pain
became mine,
and exasperation
called my name,
that my first revelation
revealed itself to me

our roles had reversed,
and were acted out
in the theater of life

I was your doppelganger
in all but sight,
my tongue curled
around vowels that mimicked you
but when I checked my cup
it was ever empty

when your final call
drifted across the ground,
and eternity was late,
I finally realized all along
you had tried to show me

it was I,
who filled your vessel

my cup now runs over
and I can never thank you

this was our last revelation

~~~~~

You brought me into a world,
of mystery and wonder
in imagination

you sheltered a child
when all others turned away,
always growling
at glances of derision

you gave me the gift
of knowledge,
so that now, when I use it?

I make you immortal
and within each stoke pressed
I illuminate the page with my love,
it now reflects, to bewitch the stars
they sway and rain down
on my gift for you.

never forgotten 
and ever blessed
my revelations shall continue
until ...


I have written you a galaxy of tributes.


— Seren, Jan 24, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

thanks for reading this one

thanks for reading this one ... sorry it was so long but I always think I have nothing left to say and then it happens again ... love and hugs wifey x x x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Ian

I am very grateful you liked it ... I look forward to reading more of you in the future really thought your first posting was excellent kind regards Jayne-Chloe x x
R

raskin

16 years 4 months ago

lovely

Lovely Jayne, heartfelt. raskin
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Raskin

Always good to see you and thank you very much for reading this one it became a monster and just kept growing love and hugs Jayne-Chloe
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear DonnieI am so happy you

Dear Donnie I am so happy you liked this one was worried it was too long winded but I do apprecite you and your comment thankyou love and hugs Jayne x x x
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 4 months ago

You mover of hearts dear Jayne

You rain, you pour, you tell us you adore, you giver of gifts, you lover of beauty, you mover of hearts to tears, to tear apart, to weep, to laugh, to give a damn, oh shit, you can. From Ann. With love. "poking and prodding you pushed, till limits had no meaning all this you did, with a comprehension that I was found, but thought I was still wanting" These two stanzas have the flow of the rivers of life in their words and rhythm, the best part from that point of view, for me, there was another place I felt it lacked just that for instance:- "it was when your pain became mine, and exasperation called my name, that my first revelation revealed itself to me" Don't know why but the rhythm is different!
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Ann

I thought to change the rhythm on that stanza to emphasize and slow the reader down,its about the revelations along the road we traveled together... hope my explanation made sense and I do appreciate you taking the time with this one ... not going to edit this one ... for once it shall stand flaws and all just like I always did with her (huggles) love and hugs Jayne x x x
WF

Worldwide Freeride

16 years 4 months ago

Stick your heart on a platinised tray still fresh and beating...

Jayne, This is simply raw emotion you have corroded into the steppes of time here... the rock engraved with your every feeling! This poem drips with emotion and rolls down the page with gathering momentum and slams in your very being at the end. I know it is of course not meant for me, but I could not only sense this poem but percieve it very caress as starts off as a tear trickling down in to a stream that split into rivulets in to a river into a torrent of rapids before the cascading waterfall of your essence being pressed and stamped on the page with your words. The flow is unbeliveable! I don't know why someone would turn you away in your younger years but someone obviously took the courage in their heart and matched it with yours and then merged itself with your soul... and plucked you from obscurity, and we have a lot to thank them for, for look where you are now. Thank god your entwined spirits are now dancing with the rhythm of life as it is now in relams of happiness wth the afterglow of love. Peace! Phewee.... an intense poem indeed that is a rollercoaster of poem that gripped me by the throat and wrestled with my emotional tract and left me somewhat agasp. I know not your history Jayne, but you've come along way... Thanks for sharing your deepest thoughts and smothering it with your argent soul to sheen on this page! Dale :)
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Dale

you have hit the nail on the head my friend ... this one is for my mother she died 13 yrs ago yesterday ... and i wrote it over a few weeks and kept picking at it till I thought thats it ... my birthday present to her ... (huggles) thank you for 'seeing' yet again you have farseeing eyes but I already told you that didnt I ? lol love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Just a hug, of I was

Just a hug of I was here. Love, Mum "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pine
L

lyz

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Jayne

I can only say, your mum would be proud of her shining star, you. A tear. Love Lyz. XX
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Lyz

everytime i start one of these for her I try to make it happy but it always ends up with my heart smeared all over the page maybe as the years go by I will write a poem that will really honour her ... even after all these years i still miss her like heck love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x x x
L

lyz

16 years 4 months ago

I am sure

The few I have read that you have written, do honor your mum. Sheesh, if you think about it, she is in your heart, soul and mind and for you to even put a word on the page, thats grand enough a statement to say, luv ya mum. And I know you may think me weird but I know she is proud and you do honor her everytime you think about her. We do miss our mums, I am constantly talking to, about, or writing of her. This is a part of who we are, the good and the bad, mate, you be proud too. Silly sausage. This is a tribute, so do not think otherwise. Luv me. XX
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Lyz

Thanks for sharing that ... I guess i meant i want to write her one great poem you know something that will stand the test of time ... its my only goal at this point with regards to her, I am going to write one that will outshine the universe one day and startle myself lol ... love you dear one Jayne x x x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Guaranteed I will ..

Guaranteed I will .. inspiration wll come when its ready till then, every now and then on her birthday and mothers day etc i will write one for her ... I talk to her still even though shes not around ... and sometimes it feels like shes around ... to be honest having Annamom the last few months has been like having her back ... I believe mum sent her to help ... or serendipity took pity on me lol seeya tomorrow nana love and hugs Jayne x x x
xena465

xena465

16 years 4 months ago

Oh! to write like you

I feel shy to comment on your poems. The comments you've received on this superb poem I can't match them to such a degree. But I will say that I really like this verse, the poetic word for verse stanza, perhaps I shouldn't be afraid anymore to sound a like a real poet and use this word in the future. You brought me into a world, of mystery and wonder in imagination you sheltered a child when all others turned away, always growling at glances of derision you gave me the gift of knowledge, so that now, when I use it... This stanza relates to all the people who've helped me, believed in me, and the ones who scoffed at me, to recognise that I can be a good poet and not lose faith in what is close to my heart...writing poetry. Thanks for this. xena
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Xena

speak your mind thats all you need do ... I was once totally ignorant of the structure format etc etc etc but as the times gone by I ahve slowly taught myself and hope later on to be better at critique myself ... its a goal but not one that you should let yourself get bogged down in ... get settled speak you mind as best you and and give advice dont ever be afraid of your own voice ... darlin its all we have ... I look different I have two different coloured eyes and white hair lol surfice to say when i was little i was not always cooed over ... tormented by kids at school ... but now i am proud of my difference it makes me me ... never be afraid just be yourself ... love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
xena465

xena465

16 years 4 months ago

Thankyou

I too was bullied at school and it a way this made me stronger as an adult. xena
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Xena you are very welcome

Xena you are very welcome ... we carry our burdens its how we shake them off and stand proud that makes us 'who' we really are ... you should be proud of yourself no matter what dear lady love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x
B

Bosscombat

16 years 4 months ago

:D

wik wik wik wik wikkity wikkid! happy invasion day! ♣
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Pmsl Matty ya nutter … I

Pmsl Matty ya nutter ... I needed a smile badly tonight thank you darlin ... happy invasion day ... but who invaded who lol ;) love and hugs Jayneeeee 2bums (hugs)
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

16 years 4 months ago

Revelations

Dear Lady Jayne You have such cherished memories. A bond you will always be connected. I had longed for a connection with my birth mother, but there is nothing. Today is her birthday. I send wishes. I see her face but do not know her what she thought what were her dreams nothing. So write to her my dear lady tears may fall but that is the love Oh how I envy - envy is the wrong word. Always Electric blue
Seren

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Maggie

Hope your doing well ... this one was written for the anniversary of her passing we ever miss our mothers ... and my mother wasnt my natural mother, just the only one I ever knew ... I hope you can try and write your pain for your mother out ... I have found it cathartic over the last months and very helpful ... and you dont need to post ... not every poem I have written has been published only the ones i have been comfortable letting out of the cupboard ...sorry for the late reply didnt get emails for yours and lyz'z comments just noticed them while I was waiting for dinner to cook you take care and be well love and hugs Jayne x x x