Shopping with dandelions

Driving through Cleavland,with Kal, life's a whirlwind of motion. The time went fast. Getting a view of lake Eire, as the rain cleared my two week visit was coming to an end, with an hour and a half sleep,it rained the whole time ,we didn't get out much, and having to try and glue what was left of the brass bed her mom had left her back together,  kal and I had had just picked up the pamphlets for her meeting on the endangerment of the dung beetle for the awareness group she was helping to organize.  Along with two rolls of duct tape and a spool of bailing wire (if her mom only knew).  She was driving through red lights to make up time, whippers flapping a cadence that almost puts me to sleep , and it's always a busy day with Kal; shes an activist on steroids, she never stops. It was two hours before  the bow legged gymnasts charity fund raiser. There she pops the question that jolts me to full wake-fullness.  I knew it was coming, but I just wasn't ready to face it. Not yet, and especially not on an hour and a halves sleep, but I know every man at some point in his life has to face up to this. I'd rather she asked me to hand her my liver after Seppuku, but no, there it was."I want to stop at the supermarket and pick up a few things" she asked
She's rather pretty with long hair and a Cleavland Indians baseball cap pulled low over her beautiful dark eyes. The perfect mix of delicate femininity,casual, and picture perfect like a and New York cab driver, distilled into a hot body that moves like a  leopard, self assured  on long legs ,but that's another story  for bedtime . She whips around the corner squeezing between two cars to emphasis the question at hand, and whats riding on it. I could tell she was miffed at my immediate non response. "sure honey sure" I quickly shot back. Her eyes deftly scrutinizing my face like an F.B.I. agent,as she just misses a tractor trailer by deftly cutting the wheel at the last second,to make her point stick; adjusting the rear view mirror ,  not even looking at the road. Yes boys and girls we were going shopping.
           Now to the ignorant, and uninitiated male who's dad never laid it out in certain,  and dire terms to them I can only wince at the impending ordeal that inevitably ends in separation or castration..As we pulled into the giant Eagle supermarket I reviewed in my mind the wisdom I had gleaned from the proverbs, and wondered if Solomon with his thousand wives ever had to stop in to a Piggy wiggly with one of them.Yes it's a test. This was our first shopping trip together and I was going to be sized up.. I had to come up with a win scenario in this no win scenario situation. Like Captain Kirk.,  Kal was a hawk and wouldn't miss a trick. Getting out of the car, and walking close beside her as a senior slowly attempted to back out with a 1976 Lincoln continental that seemed to have no end to it. Have you ever wondered why people who are the least able to drive always buy the cars that are the biggest and hardest to drive, another of those questions you hope you never find the answer to.I can tell Kals on a mission; she looks at me with that look of mild irritation at the delay, all a flurry with purse, keys, lists, and a dozen other juggled items I can't quite understand like coupons, and other incidentals that only woman carry like baby pictures of Jaquelin Kennedy, numb chucks, and the 1976 guide to refrigerator magnets. She walks in briskly ahead as i follow close still collating options, trying to conceal that look of desperation.To much testosterone and your out, to little and your out; it's about the perfect balance of manhood and  acquiescence. Challenge number one, "the cart". "No not that one" she says bad wheel "oh, yeah yeah" I mutter. Strike one.She makes a little check mark on her list when she thinks I'm not looking.Yes ever since women led their men in the Quest for berries bending over to pick a couple of really juicy ones way down low to keep their men in the game; twelve thousand years ago on the shores of lake Eire in search of the sweetest fruit before the harsh winter,  and how sweet that fruit can be.Explaining another well needed lack of sleep.Nothings changed in the mating ritual. Men jump, thump and thunder, then push the cart for the girl they love -- if their smart . Get it right Mr; I'm gonna tell you this for your own good, if daddy didn't take the time. When you walk through that door your stepping back twelve thousand years, and if you don't want to get knocked back that far remember this with all your heart. No matter how much mommy taught you about artichokes and peppers. Once you walk through those doors, she's the expert; unless she specifically asks your opinion, shut up, and when she asks you something it's probably a trick question if it's your first shopping trip together the question is really do you love me enough to be my soul mate. There's nothing woman don't know about shopping so watch your ass,  and if she's got any Italian,  Irish,  Greek,  or Australian, really watch your Ass; not to mention your testicles.Keep them out of twisting range. and follow her lead. You may prove your expertise with tomatoes, but you'll be making your own salad.So shut--up.  If you make it through shopping together. The day will come when you reach for a specific tomato, and  you'll find her hand there touching yours, and you'll know why you went through it all.. I attempt an eggplant comparison thinking how sensual they feel Kal looks at a couple of cantaloupes she's holding in her hands and reading my mind she holds them up to her chest and says "got a minute" to pull me out of my lethargic shopping malaise; thinking how sensual they are usually starts to sink in after watching someone spend a half hour choosing grapes.and woman always revert back to the never fail strategy of twelve thousand years and your instantly an attentive shopper. with a smile I look over at the lady giving me a dirty look:, "you should see her around the cucumbers" I say. With a disgusted expression she walks off. Kal smiles I'm still alive, and well ,surviving the produce isle. the real test came in the cereal isle with three ladies with carts full of kids watching with interest as Kal holds up two cereal boxes and says "which do you like"Just then I hear a couple arguing over which box of oatmeal has the most fiber He's dead I think.The ladies and Kal are waiting .My life hangs on the answer to which cereal to buy "well ,the Cheerios are on sale aren't they" I say a little scared. She nods approvingly the ladies assent Kal ducks and I get whacked in the side of the face with a box of oatmeal the kids are hysterically laughing Kals dolng everything in her power to keep from cracking up I'm doubled up the ladies are shocked oatmeal every where. Clean up in isle seven I hear.I get a dirty look from the clean up guy but it's all worth it though I don't eat oatmeal to this day, and I don't get enough sleep, but it was a beautiful night in the arms of the woman I love . Thank you Quaker oats. I got lucky.

No Theo I don't mean you. I hope you're not disappointed