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M

Lake Erie Winter

as a cold breeze blows across the rolling waves over the wall, swirling the snow on the deck chilling me as I gaze out across the water I watch as layers of ice form on the beach over the wall, swirling the snow on the deck the mist of my breath crystallizes in the air i watch as layers of ice form on the beach remembering the dunes the layers become the mist of my breath crystallizes in the air as large gray clouds tumble across the sky remembering the dunes the layers become and the arctic appearance the lake takes on as large gray clouds tumble across the sky just the thought of gusting wind and snow and the arctic appearance the lake takes on reminds me winter has arrived once again just the thought of gusting wind and snow chilling me as I gaze out across the water reminds me winter has arrived once again as a cold breeze blows across the rolling waves
— MrRee, Jan 19, 2010

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

NM

Nicole Michaels

16 years 4 months ago

Sestina, anyone?

This poem reads rather like a sestina. Very cool form to fool around with. I think you would like it, at least for this subject. A sestina creates some hypnotic effects with detail and sound that you touch on in this version.
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MrRee

16 years 4 months ago

This form is pantoum. I have

This form is pantoum. I have a few others on the same topic posted if interested. I checked out sestina... looks challenging. thank for reading. Monty
NM

Nicole Michaels

16 years 4 months ago

Sestina's Phantom

Ah! That's what I heard. Thanks for clearing that up. Kinda erie, don't ya think?
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MrRee

16 years 4 months ago

This form is pantoum. I have

This form is pantoum. I have a few others posted on the same topic if interested. I looked up sestina... looks rather challenging. thank you for reading. Monty
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Lonnie

16 years 4 months ago

Superbly-rendered Sir!

Not an easy form to work with, but you've nailed it dead on! Love the language, the imagery, and the peaceful flow of this well-penned poem! Bravo!