Balancing the Wheel

Lovely, exquisitely sad and passionate poetry. Reminds me of the Elephant Man, Frankenstein, and all the other tortured souls... yet to return *unburdened to the emptiness* is all anyone can hope for. Applause! ~A

No hollow biddings from me, never. I enjoyed this well written piece. I dont know why but I get grave robber in my head each time I have read it, I know thats not right, but I cant kick it. I did enjoy this and it is different but I think I have just confused mysef, as well as you. I will leave it at that and read again. Love Lyz. XX

Sometimes I am left clueless as to your motivations Moonman, but the result is nothing to be denied. Very powerful and it invoked great imagery, provoking even more thought. Thanks for sharing it with us. Julie D.D.

I see the dark side in this one Rich: "My knuckle bone impedes the dance" and "and I return unburdened to the emptiness" Been there done that. Wow this is a fantastic work of art coming out of S.C. B

and the character trying to make sense of the emotion felt. Emptying the pockets, I believe is a way of saying; that he was trying to get rid of preconcieved notions of what it might all mean. [My preconcieved notion] All in all, very nice work!~ Gee

We all have something dead inside, or an image, or opinion of ourselves, not trained to follow, but to demand, some trait of character that robs itself of the good vibes, and looks past his/her hardiness, his/her stonelike ego with insensitivity. This is precisely what it takes to make us shy and somber figures of the dark, away from the joyful dances of life. Excellent poem! Sincerely, Hugo

Richard, this is raw, very male, almost pornographic. I don't know what to say. I read it many times, couldn't stop. Deelilah

I feel the key here is symbiosis. like Indians dancing around fire wearing the skins of their talismens - their inner-selves, both good and bad, they become one for a time and loose both in the euphoria. When they return they are at peace and the world makes better sense. I cannot see anything that I would change apart from puncuation :)but that is a personal choice and this is your work - and it works well. A thought provoking write. ken

My knuckle bone impedes the dance eagerly I empty stones and remove pockets deferring to the animal beat My ugly nature and its twisted persistence naked and howling brush on symbiosis refining alliances and I return unburdened to the emptiness For me, the first stanza means the shedding of skins (or lies) to have dwelled in the dirt only to metamorphose into the man from the wolf the second stanza means to me that the man is naked when he transforms with the faint strain of the wolves howling still in his ears. And the wolf is one with the man. The last: when he returns to wolf state he still knows the great loneliness and emptiness that is his dual world. I loved it. Always, Cat

I like this one. I've been there many times, that instant where you just want to say screw it all, strip away all the trappings of rationality weighing you down and lower yourself back into a simple animal thoughtlessness. But its ineffably sad, that the writer took that plunge away from life. Excellent poem man. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race

Richard I agree with Orphani and Lyz We write without reason It just has to be without thinking. It just is. Leave it be do not try to fatham it out. In its own words it is If this makes sense great write Electric blue

all one needs is the reader's vision to make it stand out. I found a personal unburdening reflected here, that casting off of those things that weigh one down and stagnate. Great imagery, especially in that first line. Though I prefer a bit of punctuation in poetry, many are quite capable of using line breaks for natural pauses and inflection. Quite well done with this short and tidy work. Enjoyable poetry through and through. Thank you for this today. ~Pamela

There’s a lot of magic in the poem that eludes even its own writer for awhile. I understand, totally, your need to keep in intact, but the feeling that it’s not quite finished, and how to balance that. Letting it sit for a spell is not a bad tactic. I think posting it for feedback is a great move: for the poem, for yourself, and as an example to other readers and writers. I read through the comments, and laughed out loud at the idea the poem is alive or something. I also see where several people are getting a lot out of the piece, even though you feel it has a lot of "residue." Some observations: Yes, it is masculine. Yes, the lack of punctuation works very well with the stripped-down theme, and line breaks can be substituted for periods and other pauses. Is the title the best? I don't think so. Bidding is such a paltry little word, and I don't get hollow out of the poem: I get something more tenacious than that. I feel the poem is about a washing and a cleansing. A blessing to face the emptiness without blinking. I would like to see you revisit the title. As for the poem itself, syntactically, you might make it just a little bit more clear by changing the construction. And grammatically also. To link the thoughts a little more without spoon feeding the whole thing. Consider: My knuckle bone impedes the dance eagerly I***I separated eagerly, because eagerly refers to the pocket emptying, not the knuckle getting in the way, and without the break, it's confused, but not effectively confused.*** empty stones remove {whole} pockets deferring to my animal beat***there is a more muscular word out there than deferring, but with similar meaning. Hunt it down and replace deferring.*** My ugly nature***is it ugly, or just primal? I think there’s a better word than ugly*** and its twisted persistence (verb here, something along the lines of celebrate/liberate) naked and howling I brush on symbiosis {like paint}***brush has several meanings; I think this is the one u r looking for***in the original, brush could be a brush with something, which is too wimpy here*** refining alliances returning unburdened to the emptiness***break out emptiness as emblematic of the emptiness***

Mad as hell that I didn't write it! Let the animal out man! Fine write! Respectfully, Rett: “Anyone who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither.” Benjamin Franklin

Its all been said before me ... terrificly emotive write the metaphor of the stones and being unburdened really hit the bone for me Bravo love and hugs Jayne-Chloe

Hi Richard, Long time no speak!...Dont change the ending it's very powerful. My daughter is just about to leave home...I'm reading into this my own sorrow at the moment...it resonates. Gosh!...so good. Ells x

this time you were almost too deep (the 'D' word again) for even yourself. love it richard. 'slapping on symbiosis refining alliances' speaks worlds judy