Seren

Jan 17, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Hidden words

in the beginning,
there was a cathedral
of silence so long,
I could discern blood
congealing,
my face had cracked
in a mirror of denial

and as the horror
of a putrid filth
unmasked in its entirety

I hid,in my castle of refusal
and it all lay in silent morning...
as pieces of self fell away,
splintering to pierce the dawn

with a roar of upheaval
from Africa's shores,
a keen of mortality
shatters eardrums

continents away
a campaign continues

still,
I run away
into smaller and smaller
rolls of my ballpoint,
consumed in the ink

words flow unchecked as
veins bulge with effortless zeal

All blessing the written word,
as each cornerstone
reinforces my castle walls

— Seren, Jan 17, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

CyberSpace

16 years 4 months ago

Knowing what this ones

Knowing what this ones about makes it hard to comment love you hubby xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

you think you know lol ;)

you think you know lol ;) love you darlin mwah wifey x x x

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

As the first woman was found

As the first woman was found in Mother Africa, so we find ourselves... prehistoric digs, we unearth the word, again and again, like revelation. Much love, Mum

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

You got it in one … its

You got it in one ... its meant to be affirming more than anything ;) love you Jayne-Chloe x x x

lyz

16 years 4 months ago

This is beautifully written, and no I dont know the meaning behind it, but it is worded well and it is interesting. Cryptic to the point it could mean anything. Im up in the clouds tonight dear one so forgive. Still read lovely to me, but hey, I am biased. Lol. Love Lyz. XX

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dearest Lyz

I read that you had had a decent day I am glad ... I was ok today i did all the housework ready to come down there after lunch tomorrow we are staying with the boys tomorrow night and then I gotta go see someone on tuesday ... thanks for the comment btw you better reread I just realised I posted the wrong edit lmao opps love and hugs Jayne x x x x

lyz

16 years 4 months ago

Ha, ha, ha,

Still comes up diamonds, lol. You nutter. I Still am none the wiser though. Lol. I am hoping I get to see you while you are here, Jade has the midwife and nurse here tomorrow morn and BJ in the arv, Kel has to work but I am not sure when he finishes. I will work it out, at the mo I am a little hot and fluffy in the head. Dont ask, lol. Love to you guys. XX

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Lyz

I will be there till thursday so we will try and sort something out ... I am just about to go down town grab some money out of the bank come home pack some bags and book it ... lol and you know it helps to be crazy in this world pmsl ;) love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x x

lyz

16 years 4 months ago

Hey, how is ya.

Well I was here but I missed you, again, so whenever you have the time. Love Lyz. XX

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Hey hun I am in Newy

Hey hun I am in Newy ,cooking the boys a baked dinner its become tradition lol they love their baked dinners ... I am on robbs computer havent unpacked mine yet lol god it was so hectic getting down here had to make sure the kids had everything they need and then I had to go shopping down here so we could eat I tell ya if I see woolies anytime soon i am going to scream I am bloody sick of shopping lol wish people didnt have to eat I barely eat any of it anyway the boys eat it all pmsl ... we had a good trip down had Jake ringing every five minutes saying are you there yet ,god hes such a worrier, got it from me lol... i am going to be busy all day tomorrow but Wednesday or thursday morning we should be able to catch up with you ... btw ask Bj did he loose a shirt I found a stray green button up shirt on the back seat I dont know if its his or Matts lol oh and tell Bj if js talking to struggles LOL tell him we got his phone he left that in the car as well the ratbag lol that boy would loose his head if it wasnt screwed on ... anyway I better go I got vegies to cook an I am starving lol love to you all and give Jade a hug for me love and hugs Jayne-Chloe

Nordic cloud

16 years 4 months ago

oh scintillating and psychedelic.

Cathedral and ........the mirror of denial........liked this very much. and these among much else:- "as pieces of self fell away, splintering to pierce the dawn".........oh scintillating and psychedelic. "I run away into smaller and smaller rolls of my ballpoint, consumed in the ink"............oh how I can SEE this so wonderfully surreal. You build a castle with blood sweat and tears, and WHAT a castle dear Jayne, It oozes and throbs, zealously bulging oh what language, what visions you inspire in my mind. Love to you for the n'th time today dear dear Jayne, from Ann.

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dearest Ann

I am short on time today ... but i hope you know how much I appreciate your thoughts without them sometimes I would be adrift but today you brought a sunny smile love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

loved

16 years 4 months ago

MA'AM

NO MORE COMMENTS ON ANY OF MY POEMS HOW DO I GET TO REACH UR POEMS STILL I DON'T KNOW HELPPPPPPPPPP PLEASE LOVED THANKS

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

No more comments ??? I am

No more comments ??? I am confused as to what you mean loved ... and if you mean how do you read my poems you click on my name and my profile will come up with a list of all my published poems kind regards Jayne-Chloe

hugo la rosa

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Jayne:

There are so many dissapointing features in the give and take of this life; we must, then, find encouragement fron within the confines of our interior castles. You said it perfectly, and I have nothing to add or correct. I like the poem as it is. Love&Hugs, Sincerely, Hugo

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Hugo

Thank you dear friend it is appreciated :) big smile I loved your newest poem it was brilliant dear man ... love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x x

Mark

16 years 4 months ago

peices

Serene, hello. peices of self - splended choice of words, and - castle walls. These ideas I love. I am glad I stopped by, Mark "some things change, some things do not"

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Mark

thank you I appreciate you having a read of this one ... still needs some work but I will get to that when i get home love and hugs Jayne x x

deelilah

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Jayne

I loved the poem as it is. 'I hid,in my castle of refusal and it all lay in silent morning… as pieces of self fell away, splintering to pierce the dawn' I think you meant to play on word morning/mourning--and it's great. Ah, and that castle of refusal. I hide in one almost everyday. Yours, Deelilah

Idlemindwondering

16 years 4 months ago

this one's

mystery intrigues me in it's obscure reference to Africa. other wise a very strong piece presenting a personal battle field where words written fortify and heal. hugs Ken

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Ken

I dont know how it happened but I just noticed I hadnt answered your comment and I cannot apologise enough ... thanks for your read and the comment it is appreciated love and hugs Jayne-Chloe

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

fantastic Jayne, another

fantastic Jayne, another write that is just brilliant. enough said ; ) love vix x

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Vix

Thanks for the comment hun this one I wasnt going to submit lol and now I am off to rack my brain I have a few nearly finished and I am not sure which one to post lol love and hugs Jayne x x x x

jona

16 years 4 months ago

A real poet!

Your not just a pretty great wordsmith but a prettier good bet for the BARD award.that goes to folk like Rabbie Burns(oor 1st and foremost Bard)to modern ones like eminem and willie nelson,elton and freddy mercury etc.glad i found your writes.bravo.good luk my American pal.cheers.

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Jona

First off ... I am Australian, not american though I have been to america I dont think they want to call me their own lol I am a crazy aussie but I apprecaite your read and I am speachless at your accolade ... one day when I grow up I aim to be a real poet lol just joking but its what we all work for isnt it ?? thanks for the time you took on thia one ... I do appreciate it very much love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Kelsey

... the first line ... well I tried everything else and i know the in the beginning you speak of ... but there is no other way of describing this one ... this is about my illness and subsequent travels through it I will leave it at that the piece says pretty much how it is but I will endeavor to explain those two lines you pointed out.. “and it all lay in silent morning…”. if you read the stanza before I say a putrid filth has been revealed ... I lay it all in silent morning ... meaning to secret it away out of sight and mind as the castle walls come up ... a keen of mortality’ 'Keen' meaning 1. sharp cutting , razor sharp, knife edged, honed, or pointed 2.piercing cutting,incisve.pentrating,trenchant 3. astute , acute, sharp ,bright,perceptive,intelligent,discerning,quick ,shrewd,,wise,clever,dicriminating, you get the picture that line is meant to mean 'a perception of mortality' this ones finished I have tweaked it till I was happy and I am now, after a lot of edits ... I do hope my explanation made things a little clearer for you and I understand cranking up the critiquing I myself have been trying a lot harder and understand the want to improve ... I need to do so myself but being tired alot lately means I dont have the energy ... glad you decided to read ... sometimes you have to get past the first line you may not like and find a gem which I often do I ahve looked at poems and read first lines and thought noooooo but then gone back to find I have missed a brilliant write ... Though of late mine need some polish thats why i am taking a break and hopefully freshening my stuff up when I get back ... dont know when but yeah a break is as good as a holiday they say love Jayne x x

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Kelsey

Glad my explanation made sense ... I am trying to develope broader styles in decribing, in my poetry and with that comes obscure words lol thanks for the read and the comment love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

Wafi

16 years 4 months ago

Great Work, Dear Jayne

Wow... Loved these lines the most... "I run away into smaller and smaller rolls of my ballpoint, consumed in the ink" Wafi "Culture, location and beliefs; All vanish with love!" ~Afzal Shauq~

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Wafi

Great to see you friend its been a while ... I will go see in a minute if you ahve anything new for me lol didnt know you was back till just now love and big hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x

loved

16 years 4 months ago

DOUBLING COMMENTS

EACH COMMENT U HAVE URSELF REPLIED AND IT DOUBLES UR COMMENTS TENDS TO GIVE AN INCORRENT PERCEPTION FOR ANY ONE TO READ THE NEXT ONE I JUST THOUGHT OF JUST MAKING U AWARE WHICH I'M SURE U KNOW PL DO READ SOMEOF MINE AND COMMENT THANKS

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Loved

When people make the effort to leave a comment on my poems I will always reply when I can .... now this is a workshop and its a little hard to communicate without communicating back to people ... if your not replying to comments on your poems you might find that people wont come back if they think your not interested in improving your poetry ... just a little advice Kind regards Jayne-Chloe P.S if you go and look at most poems most of the poets here reply, though there are the odd one or two that dont