Whore

Drain the fluid from your spine
Keep you chair bound
make you mine
tie the cloth around your wrists
when your trouble
tighten the twists
laugh at the sun
that watches my sin
scorching your broken body
that ill throw in the bin
you fucked with my mind
you played with my heart
gently ripped my sanity apart
dressed in revenge
all dark am i
blacker now than the darkest night sky
your head in my hands
bloodied and bleeding
reality's grip more quickly receding
grim is the smile
i bestow upon you
stroking your face
that's now Grey in hue
eyes that stare
seeing nothing no more
you never should have treated
me like a whore.

I was quite nervous about submitting this piece as its not very nice, hopefully haven't offended anyone

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Comments

Kailashana

16 years 3 months ago

Damn, woman!!! This is YOUR

Damn, woman!!! This is YOUR voice! And if it offends those with tendencies to be offended, all the more power to you! Right now you and Theo (Did you read his poem this morning: Piss on Me??) are my heroes. All women have been made someone's whore at some time or another. And I identify with that more than I do with a prim, proper Stepford wife. Actually, I have a short story about just that. Maybe some day I'll write it. This is you in your finest! ~A

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

hey Annathanks for the

hey Anna thanks for the thumbs up! I did read Kals pissing poem, i wondered what to expect with that title lol, it was a very clever and great read, what is your story about stepford wives??? post ; ) vicki xxx

Kailashana

16 years 3 months ago

dupli

cation

Orphani

16 years 3 months ago

Vicky the greatest offense

Vicky the greatest offense is when you feel you can't express the deep emotion within your self, through your work. The language is not gratuitousand there is no subject that can not be discussed if the purpose is to reveal a truth.Work on your structure and sentance form.

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

Thankyou for your comments,

Thankyou for your comments, I will apologise no more for the happenings in my head ; ) vicki

Seren

16 years 3 months ago

you rock girl there are a

you rock girl there are a couple of places I would tweak just small ones I am copying it and taking it away ... you know I used to write exclusively in rhyme ... I love to rhyme but flet my blank verse needed lots of work so thats were my heart lays at the moment but I read this and I have one formulating in my head now ... norty I hadnt been tempted till I read this one brill write lovely love and hugs Jayne-Chloe x x

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

Morning,It is here anyway ;

Morning, It is here anyway ; ) I look forward to reading what was formulating in your head? is it finished yet? vicki xxx

themoonman

16 years 3 months ago

Madam...

I noticed in one response you say you will no longer apologize for the happenings in your head, I just wanted to add, nor should you feel compelled to. If people are offended by words, then they should merely turn the page, in this day and time it requires very little, a click and poof, the offending words are gone. But me personally, I like offensive, life is an offensive thing full of twists and turns, and in order to appreciate the beauty, one must be able to distinguish the differences. All right, I've preached enough. This poem, I like it for its beauty of language, for its dream-like quality, for its subject matter is real and many have fallen into anger and spurted nasty words that can never be taken back. It is safe to say that all will or have had the experience. there are a few spots that need some attention... when your trouble... when you're trouble blacker now than the darkest night sky (too long) blacker than the darkest sky(just a suggestion) bloodied and bleeding (?)come on... use something else for one of those. reality's grip more quickly receding (omit "more") Vicki, I hope you don't mind my going over your poem... I find your voice fresh and generous... and well, I just like ya. Richard

Lunegirl

16 years 3 months ago

Hey richard,thanks for

Hey richard, thanks for taking the time to give your feed back and suggest edits, always a help ;) im not sure about your, in england i think its how we spell it, but i will double check. How about, ''blacker than darkest night's sky'' that still gets rid of two words and keeps the ''nights'' which i liked. ''bloodied and bleeding'' what you wrote there made me roll up with laughter, i could just picture your face as you said it. I will have a think about those two clishes, and the last line i will defo get rid of the more. Feel free to suggest for me, that is why i am here to learn ; ) Im glad you liked the poem! vix ; )