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Ladderwords
Ladderwords
Jan 16, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Murder Museums

museums house those of immortality
their marble faces tattered

all seem very mortal cratered
apart by time
these very few immortals

only to be by their consumption
of others lives

generals who sent thousands of men
to death for victory and defeat
kings who forced slaves to death
for gold the forfeit of their futures
queens draped in jewelry raped
from a foreign lands rich heart
the church knelt praying in blood
of their infidels still stands

all in marble silver gold stone

immortal

history is written by victors but museums
house all murderes of men


(l)eaters of the everyday man’s life


and in this modern day
which lords will sacrifice us
for their eternity
of plastic steel stone
in museums our ghosts
will never walk

— Ladderwords, Jan 16, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jeju, KOR

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 4 months ago

J...

I really like the idea presented here, and agree that the piece needs some work. I would suggest to start culling out some words, like for instance "immortality" in the first line, let the thought of statue's causing immortality come to the reader in the poem. No need to spoon-feed every thought, of course then there is not being clear enough... lol, hard to find that middle line. The last stanza is very good, but... I did have some specific suggestions for you to think about... and in this modern day which lords will sacrifice us for their eternity (felt something could be there before eternity glowing eternities, shined, tattered... of plastic, steel and stone (punctuated) will never walk (seems flat to me, because I feel the strength of this poem is the ghosts of the common man's struggle, just as it is today, so I'd end it with something like... will always walk, throwing ghost stones, decaying the statues of the so-called greats. just some ideas... really like the concept Richard
Ladderwords

Ladderwords

16 years 4 months ago

Richard thanks for the

Richard thanks for the advice. I plan on reworking this over the next couple of days after which I will post a new draft.