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T

double trouble

 

The price of pain resoundingly clear 
as both the oxen drawing near 
devoid of life not fit for purpose    
we vow to deceive of those who hurt us.

Twixt twilight and moonlight shadows draw nigh
owls harshly shrieking from branches so high
in shadows of dungeons hidden from foe
wet warm and willing wherever we go.

Left undisturbed by the side of her grave
lie posies of hemlock to tempt out the brave
Her epitaph written on hallowed grey stone
I lived for my pleasure! my pleasure alone.

Disturb at your peril the twin treasures of doom
beware the sweet scent of their flowers in bloom
honeysuckle coated to give satisfaction
your death is the only desired reaction.
— tarcus, Jan 15, 2010

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Ladderwords

Ladderwords

16 years 4 months ago

I found your rhythm to be

I found your rhythm to be excellent, especially in the last stanza. I would suggest that for your rhyme scheme, you attempt to use words that sound the same but are spelled differently. You might find that this trips up the reader, but that forces them to pay more attention doesn't it?
T

tarcus

16 years 4 months ago

Archaic poetry

I know I am getting on a bit but to suggest that the language I use is victorian takes it to a new level! If you are uncertain of what/where/who/why the oxen hail from then my purpose is lost but unfortunately I can not explain without destroying the poem for others. The explanation is (as far as I am aware) within the poem itself I am sorry it is not clear enough for you :(