seabhac

Jan 13, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Warriors lament

  I too have been rapedI too have had my unborn babiesRipped from my bodySucked into oblivionAs though their beingWas never even conceivedA memory of…nothingBut I do remember,As youShared memoriesYour prizes ripped from your coreMalachite, diamond and oreSeeds of stonesPlundered from your living landsValueless to others
But to you , their mother
My mother, my healerGuide meLest we both be lost.

          OR


Raped and aborted
As you, plundered
Earth my healer

— seabhac, Jan 13, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Ink Dragon

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Liz,

I am shivering as I read this, and I don't think it's from the cold. Almost speechless... Yours, ~Nina

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

A cruel write Nina

There are many shades of dark Many lives in one The cold seeps into the warmest shadows Thanks Seabhac

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Liz

This is not a poem I would read on a dark silent night ... it gave me shivers as well dear lady ... your writing just gets deeper and deeper ... great work love and hugs Jayne x x x

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

In the depth

Sometimes I do not like what I find but it is there waiting until I am brave enough to throw light and see its shadow Seabhac

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

When I write something and

When I write something and find I dont like it ... meaning(memories etc) I shove it in the draw lol you dont want to know how many poems are finished in my draw that I dont have the courage to post ... so kudos to you dear lady ... you've got more guts than I love and hugs Jayne x x

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

I love the symbolisim you

I love the symbolisim you invoke in this inditing write of female abortion ,and rape of mother earth. A compelling work of deep substance and conviction. Your accomplishments are reaching new plataus of power, and beauty. Loved this one B

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you for your thoughts on substance

Now how about structure? Seabhac

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

When you delve into this

When you delve into this subject I think you need a blog to cover in any meaningful degree the complexity of the subject. My feeling about structure is that I have my preferances but they range from the totally individualistic style of eecommings to the maticulous structure, and rhyme of Robert Frost.How we write is part of who we are.But there are definate rules in the game of writing.First you need to understand the rules that guide poetic form; to be able to break them at will, when your individuality dictates. The greatest poets tend to be those who found a unique structure to express their very individualistic point of view. Seran is tearing into my poem yes and I think it's a great opportunity to get an idea of structure and form as a vehicle to transport the poets ideas in an artistic way.My advice is to read read read a variety of poets to get a firm grasp of their employed tecniques. you will find your work is influenced but you will eventually find a unique blend that is you. Or perhaps one that has nothing to do with any previous written work. Imagination, and discipline need come together, as in the creation of a symphony.Get in to revising and altering your point of view. Look at the poem as a jig- saw puzzle in which every word must fit to make a homogenous whole in the most creative way you can. Consider the master Robert Frost in this line, and I am not paraphrasing. wagon wheels slice the fresh spring mud. That word fresh in this context with spring mud conveys through it his idea as no other word could.An image implanted in the readers mind. That ability to implant an idea through a visual image is what it's all about.Thanks for asking.I hope that helps.B

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

I appreciate this advise Barry

I am but at the bottom of a steep climb and I know there is much to learn ...its all a journey and I delight in it. Saying that I have so many questions, I have realised very quickly, especially here on Neo that merit of quality is very often not what brings 'stars'. This awareness troubled me as I wondered if I had really achieved anything here on Neo. if I was just being placated with nicesities And so I cut open the reason I write at all. This is not a well written poem, it is not a laboured structure, there are many poems I have spent time and consideration writing and rewriting...so how does this touch others is it the honest rawness of it? Of course I don't expect you to answer that or to know the answer as to why a poem touches people. Each answer brings as many questions. I like the jigsaw approach and once tried an interesting experiment having a topic to write on and writing with the left hand on it and then the right...it surprised me that each hand wrote from a different view point...yes maybe a blog here would have been better, I have rambled on. I appreciate honesty above other virtues. Seabhac

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

Forget stars. We all need

Forget stars. We all need nurturing. Some more then others. It is your honest assesment of your work taking into consideration all relevent asspects. You can play a game of tennis against Sebrina Williams and think your the worst tennis player on earth. Then you can play against your five year old grandson and think your Sebrina Williams.There is no best poem ever writtenAnd i'm sure if there was it would be one sitting in an attic behind some bags of old shoes, and magazines. Write to give your song to yourself, and whoever will sing with you, and thats all; and you will do well.B What you give of yourself to this craft will return to you ;if you believe in who you are, and the equallity of your voice.B

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Nurturing the perfect word

There is a depth in your answer that touches me in a profound way, you sing a beautiful song and I can hear snatches of the tune in your own poetry...Just need a quiet corner now ...rewrite? definatly. Thanks for being you Barry Seabhac

magics02

16 years 4 months ago

Bravo

I agreee with what you wrote here also sea. sometimes it is our own aches and pains we read and see when we read others that bring it up for discussion such as this topic. This is sensitive subject and you had the courage to write it so therefore I give you kudos for doing just that. love, mona

lyz

16 years 4 months ago

Liz,

Great write, I too love how you have portrayed the rape etc of mother earth, and the way you have shared, bravo, and as Jayne says, Kudos. I see and read no fault at all, it reads well and the title, Warriors Lament, apt. You are excelling in a different pattern of writing. Well written. Bravo. Love Lyz. XX

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks Lyz

You sweep though in wafts of sweet perfume leaving little treasure os love along the way...Lovely to have you visit ...thanks P.s what is that scent? Seabhac

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

I agree

I guess I have answered your comments in the reply to Barry above. Actually it was to have been someone quite insane talking with the conceived ( no pun intended ) spirit if the earth...Yes bit pseudo sage. Yes it might well be interesting to take this and turn it on its head in a rewrite ...then again crumpled in a bin might work too.

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

You could have easily split

You could have easily split this into two stanzas to give the physical eye the appearence of more structure. But, I think what you have done with the structure is good as it is. the first part taking us through the difficault information that is presented then into visual comparisons of the earth. It doesn't waffle on, is raw and not flowered up, but still presents good imagery. Im not experienced at giving feed back about structure so these are just my feelings on it. A brave write! vicki

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Well done with your comment Vicki

You looked past the words to the structure and a very valid point given , thank you. Real or conceived ( opps that word again...) does it matter? As a new member to the site whose poetry I think will go a long way if you wish it to, your comment is very important, it is fresh don't be afraid to comment ever there is much to be learned from it. Thanks Seabhac

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Congrates on a well deserved

Congrates on a well deserved spotlight Jayne-Chloe x x x

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks Jayne

read the comment to Barry ...the deserved bit I question? I bet there is much to be learned from deconstructing a good poem and learning from its entrails...( I really am in a dark grey mood eh! )You have to laugh. Seabhac

Bonitaj

16 years 4 months ago

Hello Liz!

How the SPOTLIGHT becomes you!! ;) Congratulations on a rivetting piece. I, like am at a loss to capture the width and depth of this write. You certainly drew us in with the opening line, but then kept up the suspense, right up to the end! The emotive weight of "Guide me, lest we both be lost" is as visceral to me as a young child saying "I'm hungry" when it is in your power to withhold sustenance! Good work! Boni

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Boni I love your visits

You seem to have a fresh way of looking at things ...the young children saying they are hungry is very often the cry in the backgound here anyway...only joking. It has been a day or two since I posted and i have come back to comment in a very different mood and place than when I wrote this.I think I would like to take Kals challenge to rewrite this hmmm. I am loving your work just now too Best Wishes Seabhac

Candlewitch

16 years 4 months ago

hello

I love the parallels between the woman and Mother Earth. Your poem held me spellbound as I read to the last word. I. like some of the others, shivered when I read this piece. It touched me deeply. Always, Cat

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you Cat

I know someone else asked about your hair but I didn't see the reply and lost the source...it is amazing and I bet the cats just love it. Thank you for your kind words and time taken to read this. Best Wishes Seabhac

Candlewitch

16 years 4 months ago

my hair, lol

The cats get tangled in it and it tickles their noses. It is down to my rear-end and still growing. This photo is from last fall. It has thinned some since I started chemo, but is starting to fill back in again with a new medication. Thank you for asking. p.s you have pretty hair. Always, Cat

magics02

16 years 4 months ago

Lovely

Hello Car you know I looked at your picture and you know who came to my mind. It is Glenda the good witch on the wizard of oz movie. You look just like her and a beauty good witch she was. Happy New Year to you and the cat. Love Magic

ifoundaplace

16 years 4 months ago

I too share this kind of

I too share this kind of memory. I can say that I too suffered from this. I love your poem. Dani :)

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Hi there Dani

It has taken me by surprise how many people here can empathise with the words in this. The power of word to evoke memory never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for taking the time to comment Seabhac

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Sigh. Been doing a lot of

Sigh. Been doing a lot of that lately. This is my fourth reading, and now I am posting because I may have something to say. I find it's one of those poems that you want to change from the inside out, as it were. Something we can't undo because now we've read it and lived it. The earth however, is very forgiving. Love. ~A

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Oh dear Anni

Only a few months now before the fingers of frost retreat and a fresh new green appears...for all you sigh and question I always detect hope and a ray of light in your work. I am going to have my work cut out here with a change and major edit with this as a challenge...hmm inside out is maybe the way to go but by the very writing the inside is now out ...do I now have to work outside in? Big sigh back to you. Seabhac

DawningDaytripper

16 years 4 months ago

I love the way you did that.

I love the way you did that. Relating rape to rape of the mother earth. I have considered the comparison. But you did an amazing job putting it to B&W. Thanks for sharing. And for the second time latly. Thank goodness spotlight shines a light on some things I might have missed. Julie D.D.

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Hi there Julie

I agree that spotlight has that great opportunity to visit or revisit a poem that you didn't have the time to get to .There is so much great work here on the site , it is difficult to get around it all,maybe if i give up the day job...opps better not. You know comments and feedback here are the soul of the site and I thank you for taking the time to read and to comment on this. Take care Seabhac

DawningDaytripper

16 years 4 months ago

Probably Not a good idea to

Probably Not a good idea to quite the day job Seabhac, But if we could get Neo to pay us, I could say I had the best job in the world. Doing exactly what I like to do. That would be cool. Although I probably do a contract for a premium membership too! How many comments do you think a premium membership is worth? JK but what a thought! Julie D.D.

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

ha ha love it Julie

Somethings money cannot buy Seabhac

hugo la rosa

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Seabhac:

Excellent poem my good valiant lady! It's been a while since I commented on one of your poems. It took some time, but only to see your magnificent progress as a poet, a special one. My heart feels sad because of this wonder of a poem! Love&hugs. Sincerely, Hugo

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Hi Hugo

Your hugs and love are a gift indeed. I have missed your frequesnt work to visit your world but was lifted by the joy of the last one you wrote. Poetry has the power to expel ghosts and shadows by giving it form and feeling. I have found a freedom of expression in poetry I had only dreamed of. I am constantly in awe of the power of words in our lives and the response to this poem has once again shown me that. I am missing that physical link with the soil just now as we have had a lot of snow and ice for a couple of months now. Still beneath the blankets bulbs are stirring and spring is not very far away. Thanks Hugo Seabhac

Daniel John

16 years 4 months ago

Great!

I was very moved by this write. Well done. I read some of the comments above, and you were concerned about your form and structure. I may be fairly new to poetry, and am probably naive haha, but I think that structure can be a limiting factor to a poem; it doesn't have to be that important if you don't want it to be. - Daniel

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Very astute observation,

Very astute observation, Daniel. Sometimes, however, I purposely try to fit myself into untried formats, genres of poems, albeit with varying degrees of *success*. It's good practice to *practice* to widen, give additional length and breadth, depth to the poets' abilities... We need to draw from all sources, even if we *master* one or the other. ~A

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks Daniel

You are not naive in your approach to poetry; already you have shown a great awareness of natural form in your style. Yes structure can be limiting but I also feel you have to know the rules before you can successfully break them...I am just learning too. There are sources of poems that are unknown, from a depth inside that you just vomit out and there are those you spend conscious thought on and work and rework ideas and words. Good and bad doesn't seem to really come into the picture, cause and effect does but for a poet to understand where the source of that inspiration comes from and to be able to reach it at will they need to understand the naivety of the 'vomit' poem. I will try and rewrite this and not loose the rawness that I feel makes this work...Most likely it will become another poem altogether and then the question is how much to work this kind of poem. Apologies for the rambling, I am questioning much at the moment. Very Best Wishes Seabhac

Daniel John

16 years 4 months ago

I find your so called

I find your so called rambling insightful ; ) I see what you mean about "vomit" poems, (I like that term by the way). Many of my poems are consciously refined vomit from my subconscious, the primal source. I suspect that may be true for others as well. You mention understanding the "naivety of the 'vomit' poem" to be able to reach the inspiration at will. There is a book by Malcolm Gladwell called "Blink" that suggests that the subconscious mind from which that vomit projects may not contain as much naivety as one would think; in some ways it holds more truth and reason than our conscious selves. Also, to stick with your metaphor, vomiting at will may not always be such a good thing to do haha. I apologize if I seem like I'm arguing against what you said. I just want to give your vomit poem the credit it is due : ) I'm sure any rework of this will be grand as well. - Daniel

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

I secretly like to incite...for good of course

I will try and get a copy of that book , thanks...sounds right up my reading street at the moment.Please don't apologise for your viewpoint and ...thanks Seabhac

Ink Dragon

16 years 4 months ago

I feel tempted to butt in

oops, I've already done so! Structure is not everything. I believe that this particular poem works from another place than structure. But there is a fine line between keeping it simple and being trivial. We walk that line, balance it, and sometimes we trip or stray... Yours, ~Nina

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Lovely Nina

I had answered Daniel before i saw your comment and it is reassuring that in my limited understanding of structure and form I do feel the same. Thanks for the butt in Seabhac

ziggy

16 years 4 months ago

hi

deep this one, you words read so well some fantastic word you have put together i will have to come back to this ,,,ziggy

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Hi there Ziggy

Thanks for venturing out in the cold...ha ha No warmer here really. Some of the comments here have raised some very interesting thoughts, take the time to read on your next visit. Best Wishes Seabhac

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

If I may place my bits of

If I may place my bits of copper into the pile, and say I have grappled with the idea of the compromise of ones poetic voice, through the submission to form.I think this is highly individualistic, yet why do we write; is it not to share somthing of who we are. If not why not just write and shove it in a drawer. Every one has an unshared part that will always be lonely in this life of flesh, but there is also a part we may share in common with the stream of voices through out mans history.We can't taylor our voice to be heard by all, but We can but play the music of our heart, and hope, and if we love; bend a few chords to the far away ear. B

Cloudthings

16 years 4 months ago

I had no expectations, but find I am hugely rewarded

Hi S, I have been meaning to visit your work for some time, & this was NO disapointment. I had no expectations, but find I am hugely rewarded... this write starts out feeling very humble, & I was uncertain where it would lead. I found myself powerfully moved by the end, you built from simple kind of compelling beginnings, very subtly, & I am most impressed with the effect I am left with, well done indeed. You have my admiration. The second read was more powerful from the beginning, but I enjoyed the unknown journey as well. Cheers Anni~ "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet.

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Lovely to see you again Anni

Your Avitars are always interesting. Thanks for the kind comments. I can't begin to tell you how much I have learned from writing this and by the comments about it. My reflecion on how and why I wrote this has been an eyeopener too. It is what I love about this site...so much to learn. Hope to catch up with your own work soon too Seabhac

ziggy

16 years 4 months ago

hi

hi like i said back for another read, very deep and wrote with lot of conviction in thought i feel behind it , well wrote my friend ,,,,,,,,,ziggy

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks Ziggy

Don't get lost in the fog over there Seabhac

xena465

16 years 4 months ago

Been too busy

re-writing my many poems and posting my poems, so I've just began to read some of yours. This hits a nerve. I had an abortion when I was 19, a choice I had to make to be free of a violent husband. After that I protected myself against have a child. Now, even if I wanted too, it's too late... for the old fasioned way anyway. But I believe what's meant to be will be. I don't regret doing it, but wish that I hadn't had too. He, for some odd reason I think of it, as it was an it, I was 2 months gone, would've been a boy, If born and lived, he'd be 33 years old. Very moving heart-felt poem. Thanks for the lovely read. For me the abortion feels like a miscarrage(of justice) But meant that once I finally got rid of him, I didn't have to see him ever again. Having his child would've meant never being free of him. Rosina