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Loyalty (*prose poem*)

I went to a barber. I really liked this guy. Since childhood he reminded me what a young man I was. Holding throat cancer in a recorder and pressing it to his chin, a dim buzz cut through all that noise. “What style?” Paul would never have asked me that. It was about time, though. He showed me the first one; I couldn‘t see, but it all looked easier than television. “What crime did I commit?” I asked, wild horse panic. A beefy prison guard with a crew cut (he was easily confused for a man among inmates) and chipped red nails wiggled a fat index finger to a leakage in area where criminals got their hair done. Tears spurted from a black dot. Red. A sort shed by icicles at winters’ end, meaning that much. Skin with a just, stern character of rigor, ice bagged blue, varicose eyes (those white marbles flipping). “All this,” he whistled painlessly, spitting teeth, “and for what?” Auburn locks grazed the lines on my forehead. And me? I knew my own blood when I saw it. “What about ?!” I screamed to an upper tier at 60. “Blood brothers.” “what style?”. Paul had grown tired and wanted to go home.

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Ink Dragon

16 years 3 months ago

Quill,

I guess there aren't too many people around who can relate to this story. By pure coincidence, I can, having written a barber shop poem myself a couple of weeks ago. You haven't been watching Sweeney Todd, have you? Apart from the theme, which I personally like, but others may not like, I think it's a little difficult to follow the story sometimes, e.g. I went to a barber. I really liked this guy. Since childhood he reminded me what a young man I was. Holding throat cancer in a recorder and pressing it to his chin, a dim buzz cut through all that noise. “What style?” Paul would never have asked me that. Who's Paul? Tell me if I'm being dumb, but I was a little confused by this. On the bright side, I think that your parentheses are just the ticket here, they really add to the story, and I would even opt for more of them. Yours, ~Nina
Q

Quillsvein1

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you

so much for taking the time to read it Nina. I have problems with the prose poem form in general and frankly, I did not know what to do with this particular one after awhile to make others understand it. It isn't the fault of the reader that it's so cryptic: it's mine. I have not seen "Sweeney Todd", though an author I know swears by the play and the movie. The graphic images contained in this are not there for their own sake, but for a greater purpose: the whole thing is basically about choices, and I use barber styles as a way to illustrate a very bad choice I could have made when dealing with a dangerous, psychopathic person. It is also about a false form of "loyalty" among men which always has destructive purposes. This one is a bit of a dud, unfortunately. Thank you so much for reading, again. GB