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L
Lunegirl
Jan 08, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

China's Scissor smiles

Eyes cut slyly, soft silk of my skin
following me through rippling Chinese lakes,
all bamboo green
and water Lilly soft

Perusing my form
under jades hard cold Buddha
red dragons dancing laugh
the ink well calligraphy
tattooing my thoughts

Whispers the neighbors
should not ignore
stapling my guilt
to my innocence

Mao will you love me come bitter morning?
Mao will crowds roar and bay
in the honesty of fear?

draw me in with your scissor smile
the empire my father
the empire my mother
the empire
my seducer of eternal sleep.

 

 

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O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

Actually, in my estimation

Actually, in my estimation this is the second best poem of yours, that I have read. It has a keen entrancing imagery, fusing erotic suduction with political suduction. It all fits beautifly. When writing an image poem that uses a multiple of images to pull togeather a theme like this, I would suggest a title that helps pull the subject togeather, and acts as a sign post. Poems don't need to be understood, before they are felt. One of your best. B PS.... Also adding a few key words can tie the subject also.
L

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Barry!!!!

You just made my morning ; ) Thankyou. could you give me an example of key words? vicki
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

(Mao’s) Scissor smiles

(Mao's) Scissor smiles Eyes cut slyly, soft silk of my skin (leading) me through rippling Chinese lakes, all bamboo green and water Lilly soft (guiding) my form under jades hard cold Buddha red dragons dancing laugh the ink well calligraphy tattooing my thoughts Whispers the neighbors should not ignore (shaping) my guilt to my innocence Mao will you love me come bitter morning? Mao will crowds roar and bay in the honesty of fear? draw me in with your sissor smile the empire my father the empire my mother the empire my seducer of eternal sle You get the idea. The closer you get to spelling it completly the fusing of the imagery and the duality of your thought may suffer.The artist rarely understands the implicqations wraped in the meanings of the juxtapositioned metaphors. and words compleatly, but discovers this alongside the reader. This is artist choice to bend and weave the central vision.Great job. B
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Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

so do you mean that the

so do you mean that the words you have put in comma's are a better choice, im not clear, I feel really silly asking this, but no asking no learning ; ) sorry im a bit dense sometimes, i wasn't completely clear on weather you meant that your choice were more ''showing'' rather than telling, and i've started touching on juxtapositions, (what they mean)can you explain what you meant there to please. again sorry vicki
O

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

No they are mear examples of

No they are mear examples of using key words to unify a theme . In this case the political spheres of influence on the writer as culture and sexual identity combined. Thats how I read this poem .You may not agree but just see how words work in poems as sign post for the reader.Don't get bogged down with details or you will impede your creative flow . It's best to just write. It will come together better as you establish more confidence in getting your images on paper. Thats the most important thing right now. If you start, by giving yourself fifteen things you have to do before you write; you won't write Believing in your inner voice. That you! YES YOU! have inside you will bring out the makings of a great poet.You have already proved this. B
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Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

I get it now, leading,

I get it now, leading, guiding and shaping. Of course, carrying the political theme. I think that i was trying to convey the fear of that time, where the establishment were watching their party members and pinning things on those members as suited to punish for the manovering of inner party politics. The inspiration came from a book about a girls experience and her parents experience of being members of Mao's political party in communist china. I will have to dig out the book for the title. I think the following was the feeling by the character experienced, being watched. and the guilt being stapled was the fact that the victem was infact innocent, but as you probaly know, everyone was scared and no one rose up so even people who knew the accused people were innocent acted like they were guilty so the finger was kept from pointing at them. Also the neighbours of communities were encouraged to keep their eyes peeled and report anything suspicious and anti Mao. But i see how powerful the poem becomes using words as you suggested. Thankyou for explaining that to me vicki : )
docmaverick

docmaverick

16 years 4 months ago

As for me....

...I thought this poem was VERY suggestive, creative, and had great imagery. I think you out did yourself ! I Really liked the write. "Write on"! sincerely, #{:-{)}8==== docmaverick.
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Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Thankyou, im pleased you

Thankyou, im pleased you enjoyed it, It made a nice change to write about something other than my life stuff lol vix