PENURY TO PERJURY

I liked how u wrote this but are the three tomorrows really necessary?..over all kept my interest very good:)

"This guest of wisdom, this butterfly of sage alights on my memories to signify a change." How I LOVED these lines they set an atmosphere for me quite special. The mixture of meanings in the words is so very beautiful, guest, wisdom, butterfly, sage( could also add the perfume of flowers as the sage or Salvia is such-but also the green colour) alights( so delicately like a moth) on my memories( wow just to experience a butterfly alighting on one's memories is wonderful) signifying a change( well the butterfly- after all- an ever changing state) This verse is almost worth being alone as a Haïku-like entity that would be perfectly lovely.(Oh yes do try that please Bonitaj!!?) Now having got carried away with the one verse totally, I must back down to earth and look at the rest of the poem!!!! Is there any poet who doesn't know the 'Tomorrow 'repeats of Shakespeare? Whose language reflects the waves of human sentiments lulled into their ever rocking sway of rhetoric that I defy anyone to ignore, we are taken into his mind as we hear-see-feel- his words, their harmony. "all the interminable nights" .....do you need the 'ALL'? "stretched out like a canvas" ........do you need the' A' canvas "eternally bare."........barren bare, cut out the eternally as then the mind falls in such a graceful desperate plunge onto the BARE it carried such poignancy of emphasis I feel, more like the bar himself! "These pertubations of longing"........the 'of' can go and fall again onto longing? PERTURBATIONS "to leave this love unrequited,.........loose the 'this' only to incur a greater debt?..........loose 'a' and say great debt To travel to an unknown land,".........loose 'to' "A limp lifeless hand" .....no comma it stops the flow. "Penury to purgery..........................perjury! my love has not been forged.......... nor my life given to treason, nor my soul in hell’s intent scorched…" This verse seems to mix meanings forging money-Hell's intent-a place's intent? Oh well what I mean is that this last verse which rounds off, or should round off your poem with strength of character and panache( which I sense in your intent!!!) needs rewriting somewhat I think. Generally if the three tomorrows inspire you why not ride the wavs and lilt the whole poem in the rhythm of its impetus and you will rock your troubles away with the ebbing of the tide!!! But then this is only me knit-picking because he poem has great possibilities with a little dressage. From Knit-picker Ann of Norway, just ignore me if you like, I don't mind!!!!

After reading, twice, yes a little confused with the word Penury, but in saying that I read the comments and my mind is at ease. Is this in the style of Macbeth? I think this poem was ok. Flow and the only thing I didnt understand, you have explained. Well done and Thank you. Love Lyz. XX