Dark_Death

Jan 06, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

What Am I?

Trying to get out of here with spry

Get out of here, a boy isn’t suppose to cry

Not talking with people, can’t get attached

To my own family, I’m detached

Left a gaping hole and a permanent scar

Still hearing them say my dreams won’t get far

With a deep amount of confusion driving me crazy

Opinion hardly counts thoughts are all hazy

Everyone looks happy, to my pain can anyone relate?

Full of regret now, no more full of hate

Sleep when and where ever though out the day

Stuck in a rut, it’s like this everyday

Another headache where my head starts to pound

Wanna be alone; I don’t wanna to hear a sound

State of paranoia, is my mask even on my face?

All this and 17… guess I am a disgrace

— Dark_Death, Jan 06, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Morgana Tragic…

16 years 5 months ago

Good poems with a bit of

Good poems with a bit of emotion, though honestly I don't think the rhyming really fits with this, it sounds forced and not natural. Everyone looks happy, to my pain can anyone relate? Full of regret now, no more full of hate Sleep when and where ever though out the day If you write simply what comes out then kind of structure it, it'll sound more natural. At least that's what I do. Otherwise good, your writing gets better the more you do it so keep writing!!! Peace~~~~

Dark_Death

16 years 5 months ago

ty for the comment

i heard this a cupple of other times, i know i do need 2 relax a bit more and make this more natural and not forced. ty for the honesty peace

ifoundaplace

16 years 5 months ago

: )

It's good, could use some work, but I like it. And i can relate. Good job. Dani: ) Welcome to Neopoet. Hope you find your way well. any quuestions, just ask.

Dark_Death

16 years 4 months ago

thank you for reading my

thank you for reading my poem =) i know i could use some practice for a bit. i got a little rusty cuz i stopped wrighting poetry for a while =(

Arrow

16 years 5 months ago

I agree with the rhyme issue

but it is a poem that has a driving quality. Maybe it would be more effective to push it forward with consistent meter rather than rhyme? Or perhaps rhyme every other line, try some slant rhyme.

Dark_Death

16 years 4 months ago

hehehe ill try 2 keep that

hehehe ill try 2 keep that in mind. this isnt the first time i've heard this =P but eh, its been a while... imma need a little bit before im warmed up =)

Silent_Rain

16 years 5 months ago

Hay great poem

this is a great poem, though, I agree with morgana, the rhming sounds forced. Everyone looks happy, to my pain can anyone relate? I can say that I can relate and it suck, I still wish it will get better, and hope that one day it will... ~rain~

Dark_Death

16 years 4 months ago

=)

glad to know some people can relate. sucks to start to think that you may be alone out there, sometimes we all need that reminder that there's others that have experienced it and understand whats going on. i hope your pain goes away like mine, though for me looks like it may be a while =( and ty for reading my poem (seems ocward cuz i kinda threw this part out here at the end but o well, i love the support from people)

vampirexwhispers

16 years 4 months ago

=o

i like this poem!! great flow and good use of words. good job. -chris

Dark_Death

16 years 4 months ago

ty =D

tyvm i was starting 2 get a little embarassed of the poem cuz everyone told me i forced the rhyming (witch does seem true) , but its been a while so... to me its good for one of the first poems in like a year =o