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Within the Seasons (Intertwining Triolet)

She walks the path of garden's bloom in spring
rejoicing in the sound of brand new birth
and there beneath the feathered birds on wing,
she walks the path of garden's bloom in spring.

Tied ivy vines and lace give sight to swing
with soft allure of spring in all her worth.
She walks the path of garden's bloom in spring
rejoicing in the sound of brand new birth.

Rejoicing in the sound of brand new birth
sweet summer warms and dazzles her soft smile
with whispered seeds implanted in her earth
rejoicing in the sound of brand new birth,

As each new seedling sprouts within tiered berth
her calm displays and settles there awhile.
Rejoicing in the sound of brand new birth
sweet summer warms and dazzles her soft smile.

Sweet summer warms and dazzles her soft smile
propelled on air now crisp with colored leaves
to gently fall in playful breeze-blown style.
Sweet summer warms and dazzles her soft smile.

As auburn hues are blended to beguile,
her heart is warmed in joy which she achieves.
Sweet summer warms and dazzles her soft smile
propelled on air now crisp with colored leaves.

Propelled on air now crisp with colored leaves,
in softly mingled breath of winter snow
sweet slumber sings within the way she weaves;
propelled on air now crisp with colored leaves.

Kissed softly in farewell she lets them go
and sleeps beneath her blanket of frost heaves,
propelled on air now crisp with colored leaves
in softly mingled breath of winter snow.




— Pamela A. Lamppa, Jan 06, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New England - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Frost, Robert Louis Stevenson, William Butler Yeats, John Keats, Pablo Neruda, Algernon Charles Swinburne, T.S. Elliott, and too many more to begin to cover them all.

More from this author

Critiques

Ross Hamilton Hill

Ross Hamilton Hill

16 years 5 months ago

within the seasons

This is hard to fault, the metre and technical requirements seem to be perfectly handled. The last stanza is particularly fine. This would probably work best if read aloud, where the repetition allows the listener to keep up with the meaning. Most enjoyable (and I'm not easily pleased).
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you

I am very pleased for your comment on my poem and truly humbled by such positive words. Thank you. ~Pamela
I

Idlemindwondering

16 years 5 months ago

You do know that I LOVE

You do know that I LOVE repetition :P putting that burden aside this is beautiful; I can't imagine the work it took to wrap all the seasons in here so flawlessly. A pleasure to endure. love
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

Oh good gracious love

I know how you adore form *wink* This is one of my better intertwining triolets and I am pleased you enjoyed this. Thank you for the "ahem" encouragement my sweet. LOL. You are good to me.
DawningDaytripper

DawningDaytripper

16 years 5 months ago

Hi Pamela, I thought this

Hi Pamela, I thought this cute. I think that you are trying to force the ryhme a little to much. It feels like a little to much fluff. And I found the story a little hard to follow. I think it would do good to purge alot of your extra words. And I am not feeling your excesive use in repetiton. But that is only an opinion. And since you left a comment on my phrasing I guess I expected you to use "current" phrasing. Which I did not find. Thanks for sharing. Julie D.D.
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you Julie

I am pleased for your comment on this piece. Yes, in an Intertwining Triolet, very specific instructions regarding rhyme, repetition, and style must be used. I left a link to the form specs so when you have a moment, you might want to take a peek or even try your hand at one. They are difficult but a lot of fun to write. Formal verse is not for everyone, but I love it for the challenge it presents. Thank you again for taking the time to read and leave your impressions. Any ideas for improvement will be warmly welcomed. After all, that is why we are here. Thanks again. ~Pamela
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Oh what a ballet of words

Pamela, what a ballet of words their dance of repetition twirling us like the seed pods of the sycamore tree ever through the sensations of the seasons and with the same source in sight that of the growing, growing, flowering, I am not sure I could ever manage anything so calculated as this, you must have a special mind to be able to puzzle it all out, like mathematics. It sounds wonderful and I wish you would read it out loud to us on Neopoets you can can't you? It is a song too, the nightingale sings repeats and in your poem she/he can pearl a sound as mesmerising and delicate to charm our ears with its patterns. It could be written on a Tibetan prayer wheel we go round and round with its words in that manner, turning with the year. Its like a most beautiful painting too with its colours blushing rushing through, the crisp white of snow as you come to rest with the " softly mingled breath of winter's snow." Transported Ann in the snow (-18%C)
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Ann of Norway transporting in the snow ...

I am so very pleased for your commentary on this piece and find it to be so poetic with your understanding of formal verse and language. How I appreciate your words! You are correct in your expression that read aloud, is the ONLY way to appreciate the intricate meter, repetition and rhyme presented in Triolet. It is indeed a song, much like that of sonnet, yet more intricate in its steps and wisdom. As far as a special mind and mathematics to write this - let me just say that it was labor intensive and took some time to put together. I loved every mind bending and grueling moment and still - I feel it needs - something. Hence my presentation on Neopoet. Thank you again for such a wonderful review. It does not go unappreciated. ~Pamela
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Pamela,

I can only echo Ann: a ballet of words. My absolute favourite was this line: propelled on air now crisp with colored leaves that is as near to perfect as it gets. I see you still have the feeling that something is missing. Here's a tiny idea, just a whim, really: Some of the rhymes might be reconsidered, as they do not stike me as carrying too much of the central imagery, e.g. style (l.18). (Having said that I hasten to add that I despair of finding adequate rhymes quite frequently :) Yours, ~Nina
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

Thank you Nina

Yes, I hear you on rhyme and as much as I love it, this one was tough with so much repetition required of the form. I will think on these a bit and see what I can come up with. I will pop it your way for a peek if you don't mind once I have worked it some. Bear with me though, weekend and I tied up for most of it.