Seren

Jan 06, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Bitter Pill Swallowed

You made me into
a pregnant pause,

the scratch
on the banister,
beside a dim photo
eaten by time and wear,
I felt diminished

but as the scarab turned
the dung
so did life revolve
to remember
the existence
of the scratch

I am now a canyon,
never step too near the edge,

for the groove is now
fathoms deep,
and I will swallow you up
as if you never were ...

— Seren, Jan 06, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Jayne-Chloe, you elevate all

Jayne-Chloe, you elevate all of us in your swallowing of the bitter pill of your life. This is where true poetry comes from. Mum

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

its with your encouragment, that I strive to be a better writer ... so if I have done that ... it was you who helped me get to where I am right now ... I am now the endless well of words that has dammed from birth ... and you said I have more up my sleave ... I am only just getting started ... the fat lady aint sung yet .... so its all good ;) Love you with all my heart Jayne-Chloe x x x

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Dale

all I can say to that ? is thank you (huggles) and love Jayne x x

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

to the daughter of my heart

to the daughter of my heart I read your poems and I am bleeding from one thousand and one paper cuts the mirror breaks into pieces of you and pieces of me surely someone will find these shards and with love, the greatest of love come, gather our snowflakes of fire falling into the unknown, bleeding into tender hands. Love, Mum

Candlewitch

16 years 5 months ago

Anna Dear

You are a wonder to behold in your own right. I adore your prolific mind. Always, Cat

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Awwwww you just made tears

Awwwww you just made tears and smiles ,... you know if anyone ever findfs those pieces of glass ... for milleniummms they will try and put us back together and marvel at the mosaic we make, for together our minds ignite ... love you with all my heart ... Jayne-Chloe x x x x

Candlewitch

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Jayne

I don't know what to say about this poem. I am in awe of your strength. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Cat

thanks so much for the read .. darlin I am ok dont stress ... just having a quiet time of it the last few days and I am not strong I am just stubborn like a mule lol love you big sis Jayne x x x x

Idlemindwondering

16 years 5 months ago

Beware the woman scorned :)I

Beware the woman scorned :) I do like the way you write!

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Big SmileYour comment made

*Big Smile* Your comment made me laugh thanks for that hahaha beware this woman scorned .. I dont ever boil my egss twice pmsl love and hugs Jayne x x x

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Another strong; powerfully

Another strong; powerfully imaged, and deep introspective write. I found two spots that I thought could gain abit of juice the scratch on the banister, and beside a dim photo eaten by time and wear, I felt diminished TO: the scratch on the banister, beside a dim photo eaten by time and wear, I felt diminished ....................... for the groove is now fathoms deep, and I will swallow you up as if you never were TO: for the groove is now fathoms deep, I will swallow you up as if you never were I like it better without the two [ands] Another keeper for the book Jayne. How do you do it girl? B

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry

when I first started writing ... I used to nut my poems out to the point that i was editing the edit ... now I am restraining myself a little more and letting the raw me come through ... its the only way I can describe it ... and the two ands ... I understand what you mean but I will have to consider it because in my mind they need to be there ... I will set it aside until I have a look at it down the track ... but I can see what you meaning totally ... just not sure if that fits with the idea of the poem there is something to be said for ands lol got a poem writen about and's actually havent finished it yet lol Thanks again for the comment and the suggestions I will keep them in mind ... love and hugs Jayne

Lunegirl

16 years 5 months ago

aother awsom and power read

aother awsom and power read jayne. this is one of your best i think xxxx

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Vix

Sorry i have been slow answering you all ... thanks hun for your wonderful comment ... I hope my best is yet to come ;) and yours is too I imagine :) Love And BIG HUGS Jayne x x x

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

I used to make the Prof (how

I used to make the Prof (how you feeling kind sir?) crazy with my line breaks, but there is method to the madness.. You made me into a pregnant pause, a scratch on the banister beside a dim photo eaten, worn by time, I felt diminished but as the scarab turned the dung so did life revolve to remember the existence of both I am a canyon now, never step too near the edge, for the groove is now fathoms deep, and I will swallow you up as if you did not exist … (do would work equally well) do or did not exist is much powerful, imo. What ya think? luv, Mum

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dearest Mum I think your

Dearest Mum I think your brilliant .. when I get round to a edit in a few days will incorporate some of your suggestions ... and yes we do drive the Prof mad dont we lol (hi big Bruv) hahaha (huggles) love and biggest hugs Jayne x x x