Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

O
Orphani
Jan 06, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

coffee cup

Flowers miss the eye

Rainbows content to be hidden
looking  down; the guttered dollar

Beneath bridges;
 Understood by dry shoes;
Never
.
Feeding  streams of  you 
 lips I unheard; 
In bird songs
In the forest-less tree, surrounded with
Concrete cataclysms
Of my youth
.
And your longing in my memory;;That faded poem;
Thought, I kick about ;
 Empty as a coffee cup
My steps kick away

within you a Robin sings;
That isn't me
— Orphani, Jan 06, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

More from this author

Critiques

UA

U K Atiyodi

16 years 5 months ago

Coffee cup

Why this pessimism ? Tomorrow is full of expectations, ya, unborn tomorrow. I enjoyed your poem. Unheard voice, milk.not drunk, yet sweet.....Concrete forest. Treeless and unheard song of birds
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Barry

.... this ones deep ... and i am seriously impressed ... some advice .. look up there is so much beauty your missing out on ... dark though some days maybe,there is always an end to darkness ... and lifes to be lived love JC Edit lol fucked up your stars ... oh and your poems wonderful ... just I think ... you'd be writing ... extraordinary poetry ... if you could see some light in your world ... sorry if I stepped over the line smack me out for it lol
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

I’m on the rewrite of this

I'm on the rewrite of this as you poped in. I pull these from memory> I remember those dark days, and i'm grateful for the opportunity to put them to verse. I had trouble getting off this theme; as I was caught circling like a 45rpm (remember those?)For you there are no lines only love. B
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Second look!

Hop hop hop the robin jumped in and this pot of evocations stirs our minds from here to there and then we have to read again to SEE what's really there like the fly caught in your hair. Your puzzle confounds the perceptive eye as your flower-words bombard it with such different images, I shall come back, or else my back will become chronically painful I spend too much time amusing myself at its cost but iI will be back anon Ann to Barry of the wiggling patterns on the surface of the lake of his mind. Remember the Christmas play "Same procedure as last year Miss Sofie? When the butler drinks the flower water then suddenly looks intensely at the flower pot he has removed the flowers from, that's what I am doing with your poem Barry!!!! The second look!
UA

U K Atiyodi

16 years 5 months ago

Second Look

Each hop of the robin is aimed at eternity though it stops somewhere with an incomplete performance. What ultimately remains is the stir of mind, depression, disease, and utter confusion. Dear poet, you did it wonderfully and retained the puzzle. Thank you
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Somtiimes I think a poem is

Somtiimes I think a poem is like aa art form blown from glass; at least from the originators point of view. once the glass begins to cool, you are limited in how you can alter the initial form.I like to evaluate them on the level of how the poem effects me; on what level, and how deeply.The concept if deep enough in the mind will inevitably appear in another poem in another form. thank you for your views B ,,,o,,
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Ha! Mr. cheeky shit! I have

Ha! Mr. cheeky shit! I have to remind myself (esp. now reading your Skin.....is a far away mystery). http://www.neopoet.com/node/10329 Poets are heartless, cruel taskmasters. We are unrelenting. HA! ....and now you've inspired me to write a poem... that was already gelling. ~A
I

Idlemindwondering

16 years 5 months ago

‘tis doom and gloom - pull

'tis doom and gloom - pull a dagger stuff; just the way it is suppose to be. I believe every emotion has a poem and that poem need only be true to its emotion - there is no need for the glass to be half full here; it was and empty time. ken
Z

ziggy

16 years 5 months ago

hi barry

a rewrite where can i see the changes or can i thats the interesting point on a rewrite dark indeed but still good ,ziggy
O

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

Just click on revisions zig.

Just click on revisions zig. Somtimes i'll make a revision, and live with it a little while, and then see if it pans out ok.I post my work raw, and then start revising on line so you can see the whole prosess from start to finish. Thanks for stopping. Barry .