Lunegirl

Jan 03, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Postnatal

Itchy red leg skin
cold.
walking
mile layers mile
hands that grip the pram.
too tight.

its those times
     between the manic noise
                      silence stretched too thin
                                     thoughts surfacing demanding a hearing
                      weeping eyes, painful breath
    lost to a past that wont fade
coffee cold in cracked cup,
      stained, forgotten, thick tar

past trees gone to mold
through mud past decay
clattering over grey concrete pavements
the whirl of life gone by
cars pass
faded hours drag on.......

Acrid sky swallows future
rain.
stumbling
kilo meter feasts kilo meter
ram the pram
too roughly

guilt eats suckling
         at feelings homed within
                           cold graves, shackled, barren
                                      damands, always too many demands
                           fisted balls cover ears
         screwed lids blind eyes
still guilt drinks.

past empty blue streets undefined
through puddles not wet
splashing on grass strewn marshland
the haze of life shifting
birds glide
bright minutes pulse colourful.

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Comments

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

I liked this jauanty write

I liked this jauanty write about town." Mud past decay.What a great,great line. This is my favorite part: lost to a past that wont fade coffee cold in cracked cup, stained, forgotten, thick tar past trees gone to mold through mud past decay Fantastic imagery And all I could think about was; where are you taking that kid? I think you can preen it down a touch, but not these lines. B

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Thankyou. Its always good to

Thankyou. Its always good to write things people enjoy reading. I was taking all my children to my mothers for dinner yesterday, the eldest two were bickering (as children do) having no sleep from the night before (baby awake) the noise started to grate upon my nerves. There is a small stretch of woodland that boarders the concrete jungle my mother lives in and this image flashed before me of a girl walking, walking on an on in her depression with a pram. That was my inspiration for the poem. the ''kid'' ended up at my mums with a lovely family tea waiting for us all ; ) Vicki

Orphani

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Vicky, you stumbled on

Dear Vicky, you stumbled on somthing very cool here; becouse the idea of the children being riden through all these conditions of life; has an awesome element to it that magnifies the intended meanings.I loved it. B

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Thankyou for your comments

Thankyou for your comments and feed back, i've had another look at the poem and tried to ''tweak it'' I ended up changing only two words but maybe they improve the vision in the poem. maybe it makes no difference lol. Thanks again and im glad you liked it vicki

bjp

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Vicki,

Here you are hitting your stride. A very beautiful poem! There are so many wonderful lines. Barry has identified some excellent ones. I will add: mile layers mile faded hours drag on fisted balls cover ears screwed lids blind eyes There are four occasions when you have used "to" rather than "too." The latter means "excessively." Really, a terrific write. Brian

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

glowing lol

Thankyou Brian I wrote this before i got your feedback on Hunger, i think this is an example of what you were saying to try and do as a writer when writing about experiences? Im much happer with this piece. Im glad you liked the lines : ) Thankyou for pointing out the to's. Vicki

themoonman

16 years 4 months ago

Madam...

I thought this to be a wonderfully expressive poem, full of rich images and disconnected connectives, and I'm so sure you know what I mean Vicki... oh yea, please do address those "too's", great poem! Richard

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Disconnected connectives

Thankyou Richard, im going to start looking up all the terms that people speak of in feedback to me and others ive read, i haven't studied poetry since school many years ago and need a good brush up. I think i know what you mean though : ) Im glowing from the lovely comments, however i know that this was a lucky stab at attempting a different layout and follow through. So glad you liked it will sort those to's lol vicki

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Madame, I agree with the

Madame, I agree with the gentlemen, here... however, I think we need to have some mother-daughter-talk about prams and guilt. ;-) ~A

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Bumps and children

Dear Anna Im please you like! I read Jaynes poem before i posted this and i felt even badder! Whilst walking yesterday i angrily bumped the pram up the road curb i didn't really ram it, i felt so bad though, poor baby, she however stayed blissfully unaware sleeping. I've been so tired lately that i've found myself getting frustrated more often at the elder two i have when they argue. Im sure children have a built in 'mummys stressed radar' that they play on ; ) The poem was based on the journey to my mum's. Im relieved and pleased to say that the journey home was much nicer. I think some cake baking together and more walks are in order to distract from the bickering. Enjoy your day Vicki ; )

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Dearest Vicki, I can tell

Dearest Vicki, I can tell you there's nothing more frustrating than kids bickering and a baby to boot. You're fortunate to have your mom nearby. I only had 2 and sometimes I really wanted to run away from home... even though I had poetry and meditation, yoga, friends nearby, lots of date nights and trips to NY for plays, lectures, etc. Oh, and work running a credit union even though I wasn't paid the big bucks without a degree. It's difficult to find balance in life as a young woman with young children, no matter how we try. And guilt is really useless, just exacerbates an already difficult situation. Wanna trade? My hot water tank isn't working... My x is in Peru and my son doesn't know much about such things. Thankfully I called my friend in NJ who suggested that it's frozen water in the tank, as it *broke* before I left for N. Dakota. I know something about kids, but nuthin' about no fucking water tanks. Love, Anna

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

lol Anna that made me laugh,

lol Anna that made me laugh, I am lucky, i've ive gotten older my mother has become a better mother, she wasn't always so great. your right, guilt is just another negative. wow peru! id love to go there. my ex is just a few blocks away. we don't see him though. Run away? oh sometimes ive thought it to. even just to the pub round the corner. Hope you get your tank sorted, and thanks for your words. Its nice for you to share that love vicki xx

Kailashana

16 years 4 months ago

Ha! You say Peru, I say,

Ha! You say Peru, I say, well, never mind what I say. The kids, esp. my daughter are quite hurt by his returning (home) to Peru. She sees it as his continuing penchant for running away from family (it was work when he had it). See, we're all normal here. All fucked up with no where to go, and me with in this sexy bathrobe (waiting for hot shower water...believe it or not... I took a ice cold one in N. Dakota... it seems their water tank broke 2 days after my arrival--one might just think it's me.) Hugs, Anna

Seren

16 years 4 months ago

Dear Vix

Its all been said before me ... Brilliant write with so many great lines your finding your voice and speaking loud and clear ... and its wonderful to watch the pages of a poet unfold ... love and hugs Jayne x x

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

Thankyou

all the comments on this peice mean so much to me, i think postnatal depression is such a taboo subject still for some and still carrys alot of stigma. I tried at the end of the poem to hint at the beginning of comeing through to the other side. Im glad you liked it, as always thankyou for taking the time to read and feed back vix xx

kaligantsaros

16 years 4 months ago

Please Please change your pen name!

You are not a Fw and the self disparagement is an insidious self harm = this write is incredibly sensitive and moving its a mark of respect to all those struggling young mothers and it darned too good to have that pen name above it. It may habe been a funny joke , a lark but it really does insult you now and the joke is well lame. You are a bloody good writer and getting better lease please change it . An admiring poet . Theodore

Lunegirl

16 years 4 months ago

conceeding

Lol, Theodore when i first joined here i was stupidly slightly fedup that my pen name had gone down so badly with some members as i honestly loved it, (small things please small minds) I have been thinking what else i would call myself as i have been this pen name for so long. however, as i write on this site and get more feedback that enables me to write better, i cheesily say, the birth of a new poet in me is striving to be born. Im still pondering on a new name ; ) Thankyou for you lovely comment, im glad you like it and im also pleased that you see the poem as a mark of respect to mothers struggling with the huge change parent hood brings to life. It has many beautiful things, but also lots of adjustments that can be a tricky process to get used to. Im off to read some of your work now vicki ; )