Doggy bag

Arborite reflects moon light ,paints an alabaster sight;drains the color from her face,like a flick in black and white. Sideways glance of romance slips,pinky-pointed, tea cup tips.Shy eyes lost in loves' embrace,envied porclin brushed her lips. Safe within the shadows cloaked, sweat and fear on bowed brow broke.Empty, silenced heart disgraced,as the words stick in my throat. Hear the neon buzzing gas,time for love slips slowly past.Final glance of hope misplaced,at reflections in the glass. Regrettably this hand I fold, hot meal and love life on hold,feign to feed my forlorn face;I'll eat my chop suey cold. By Jove !

— jove, Jan 05, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: British Columbia, CAN

Favorite Poets: me, ... what can I say I can't dance. lol

Critiques

Morgana Tragic…

16 years 4 months ago

Heya Jove, Fellow

Heya Jove, Fellow Canadian!!!! Always love seeing them! Enjoyed the poem, one suggestion: use capitalization as you normally would. Otherwise you have some great imagery happening and a very beautiful poem in a nice simplicity. Nicely done. Peace (and maple leaves!)

jove

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you very much

Would you please reiterate about the capitalization problem,I seem to be at a loss ! By Jove !

Skumpfsklub

16 years 4 months ago

Stand pat with the caps, Jove. I see no problem with the

punctuation. As noted by Morgana, the imagery is good, a few phrases very good, and when I read the piece aloud, with an unaffected voice, in a tired chant (no wind, just enough breath to move the words barely past the lips) to match the defeated mood, it's got some SERIOUS power goin'. I found that voice quite easily from what you'd typed, as you typed it. But that means the punctuation can't be much of a problem. It worked. Let's see what the next one thinks. Two opinions on the matter is hardly enough. We need three, at least. Perry

jove

16 years 3 months ago

Thank you very much Perry

Thank you for the fine crit . There are, I am sure, many posted offerings that I, shall we say , "threw up" on to the site. (lol) "Pun intended" That you could have pounced on . I respect the fact that you chose not to, as it shows great character on your part! This crit also shows great expertise as well. You do know your stuff! ps Sorry it took so long to reply but it takes me a while to keep the French Indian in me civil. By Jove !