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Kailashana
Kailashana
Jan 05, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

vines entwining

it is snowing

the morning is dull grey
already drifting away,
we each get a slice of life,
equal of breath,
warm water droplets
to melt frozen dreams

life's messenger
comes in from the cold
arrives with poems to steal
the heart away
with ashen dreams

with spit and blood we wash the
thawing page
with fire in our bellies,

beasts and queens,
killers
and kings

Adam Kadmon,
all alone
in the Garden,
eating
his separation,
slowly
becoming Eve

serpents
growing a caduceus
of healing...



— Kailashana, Jan 05, 2010

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Critiques

L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Kailashana

This poem has a softness about it. Well written and a pleasure to read. And what a view you have. Descriptive and I like the first and 2nd last stanzas. They do stand out. Love Lyz. XX
L

lyz

16 years 5 months ago

No, never cockeyed, surely

No matter the mood, I find your writes to be written with great vision and so far I have enjoyed the words you share. I hope you feel better. I do not find anything cockeyed about this write. Love Lyz. XX
Seren

Seren

16 years 5 months ago

Fucking awesome write Mum

Fucking awesome write Mum nothing more to be said ... you know I am proud of you more ? your an amazing woman love and biggest hugs Jayne x x x
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 5 months ago

gotta love the fire in the belly

with spit and blood we wash the thawing page with fire in our bellies, elevates the poem through counterpoint to the (expected) transcendental. Don't you hate expectations? Cheers, Jess, reprehensibly irrepressible
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Yeah… they’re never what

Yeah... they're never what I expect them to be... ok... hardly ever...ok....more often than not. But sometimes my own expectations wayyyyy exceed my own expectations and then, I am consumed! Nothing left of me... and that for some reason is the moment between the pit and the pendulum. I've gotten quite fond of it. Love, Anna
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 5 months ago

Bertolucci would make

Bertolucci would make something terrific of this Anna the inside and outside so vividly contrasting the colour of the snow. We feel a pathos behind the words so delicately whitened with ther soft thin layer of snow the heat of the inner fires melting them as the morning evaporates into thin air and leaves us dissatified with the mundane. A picture Anna with love from Ann of Norway.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 5 months ago

Dear Anna

Spectacular view, and poem. I cannot pick a favorite line, but I am rather fond of the same ones as Jess-Elf admired. Always, Cat
Ross Hamilton Hill

Ross Hamilton Hill

16 years 5 months ago

vines entwining

'white' adds nothing as you've already said its snowing but the first stanza is really effective apart from this quibble. Nice pacing and interesting images. A limpid effect. 'life’s messenger' this a little vague and also a bit of a cliche 'comes in from the cold' is it Le Carre's spy here? Works for me. 'arrives with poems to steal' its a good idea not to write poems about poems with fire in our bellies, you've used 'with' 3 times now, your occult info is a little off, Kadmon, not Cadman, and the caduceus is Greek nothing to do with the serpent in the garden. I've been pretty harsh so I hope you realize that it is born out of regard for your talent. best wishes for future poems.
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 5 months ago

Ah, a true critic/critique.

Ah, a true critic/critique. Thank you. point 1. usage of *white* redundant... so what? point 2. limpid, as in hanging... I'm presuming you go along with the image? point 3. vagueness is good sometimes... reader has to fill in their own blanks, who does the reader think the messenger is? point 4. the spy who loved me... point 5. why? point 6. so? point 7. I concede the spelling error... point 8. the caduceus is incorrectly used as the symbol for healing in America... actually it should be the rod of Asclepius. point 9. your critique was not harsh, it was *your* critique and you're entitled to it, so, now, I'll change the spelling. Although I'm almost positive my German friend who introduced me to Adam K spelled it with a C; even so the mon is correct. Additional point, nice to meet you and thank you for your best wishes. Perhaps you might want to pick & choose some other poems. Hopefully you left some poems for me to critique. ;-) ~A
Pamela A. Lamppa

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

quite a twining of life energy

I am moved and bound still within this beautiful verse. Loved the idea of primordial man eating his separation. Exceptional insight in those words that bring us all together in one manner or another. Inside and outside - loved the ideas with that and your visuals are quite pleasing with wonderful imagery in words. You paint beautifully. There is quite a twining of life energy expressed in this piece. Thank you for sharing this beauty. Excellent. ~Pamela